tristesse Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 We went to see my daughter last week. She lives approx. 150 miles from me, their father. I was divorced from her mother over 40 years ago. At first, when she was growing up, I would pick her up from her mother on weekends according to the court order..Things were difficult, as she always made it hard for me and my new wife to see her by not being there when we were to pick her up etc.. By the way, when I left the house, she moved in her boyfriend within the next week.She did not want me and wanted me to leave. But, she has much hate for me and my new wife.I made a lot of money when I was working. I am now retired and am still comfortable.My wife is very youthful and pretty...Now the reason I say this is I am wondering if her problem is jealousy..I was not able to see my daughter for the past 20 years because every time I would ask her if we could come over, she had an excuse, like wait till we get new carpet etc..So finally, she agreed around the first of the year to see me in March.We went there, and had a good time and it appeared that she had a good time also.We have pictures hugging etc, and also with my wife.. The problem now is that my daughter said"I will be honest with you. My mother does not allow me to see you. We posted some pictures together on facebook and her mother's husband called her and told her she has to make a choice between her mother or her father. This daughter of mine is now 51 years old.She said we will not be invited to her daughter's wedding in September, because it will cause too much turmoil and her mother will freak out. Before we went, her mother said." I better not catch you in some pictures of you together on facebook" But, her mother had finally agreed, that my daughter could see us after much turmoil over it.Now, I don't think I will ever be able to see my daughter again. I am very hurt over this, and to tell you the truth, my daughter is a very intelligent person.So, I don't understand why she is allowing her mother to rule over her with an iron fist. Then, the next problem is, I am not sure if i should keep her in my will if she does not want to have anything to do with me. She assures me that she loves me and my wife, and it is not us..She recounts some good times we have had together.. I am puzzled and very hurt and upset that I will probably never see her again...What is your suggestion... Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 She (daughter) is an adult. You are an adult. Where is the problem again? The EX wife has Zero say in how the daughter establishes relationships in adulthood. The daughter was an adult 20 years ago and made excuses? Hmmm....what does that tell you....? Whether you choose to put your heir into the will is entirely up to you. Your estate attorney would best be able to advise how that can be contested contingent on your state rules/statutes. Again its ultimately your decision. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Your ex wife sounds very childish. That's sad to hear this story, that the woman is so controlling and histrionic and the daughter is unable to stand up for herself. It all sounds really dysfunctional. I'm not sure what you can do, except tell your daughter you love her and want to spend time with her and that you will always be there for her. In my opinion that's what a parent does, support their children and role model appropriate behavior. As for the will, since she doesn't seem to be doing this out of malice, but instead out of a place of feeling powerless, so its your choice of disowning her or not. If you decide to rewrite your will, I wouldn't throw it at her as a punishment, because she clearly has some mental issues along with your ex wife. A 51 yr old woman should be able to stand up to other people, especially those with inappropriate behavior. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tristesse Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Tayla, you are right.. What does that tell you??? It tells me that you do what you want to do, so she really does NOT want to see me... Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Tayla, you are right.. What does that tell you??? It tells me that you do what you want to do, so she really does NOT want to see me... in a way... correct. Now take it to the next level, persistance pays well. Make your peace with her. Set up a meeting ( even if its under the guise of legal matters)your last will and testement concerns. Listen to her side and feel free to interject some true facts. Until your last breath you are given time to correct misinformation. Use this as a wake up call to set the past straight. No adult child deserves to live with half truths... Be aware that she sees you as a parent and not as an adult who claims the mistakes that were made. all you can do is be humble enough to accept this opportunity. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts