Lulu88 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I'm in my late 20's. I've been dating my bf for the last two things and while I do want to get married someday, I'm not ready for the responbility of that yet. I'm happy with my life. I feel like I have a great balance between friends and work and everything. The only thing that's causing me grief is my mom. Every single time I talk to her I get a long lecture about getting married and having a family before I'm too old to have kids . Every time I hear this I get this panicked feeling and I feel like I'm behind schedule. It doesn't matter that im happy and that I don't want that now, my mom makes me feel bad for not having that. What's worse is she keeps sending me messages about how so and so got married and sending me baby pictures. This actually hurts me because again, I want that but I dont need a constant reminder of it you know? It just really upsets me and we get into an argument about it. I don't understand why she needs to constantly rub the fact thst im not married in my face. I don't know how to stop myself from being upset about it when she does. Maybe I am overreacting but I jdut want it to stop and I've told her so so so many times to stop the nagging but it doesn't stop. What promoted me to post this question is now she's sending me pictures of strangers' babies! It's driving me crazy . Please help Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Limit your contact with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 "Listen mom, its time you started treating me like an adult." Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'm in my late 20's. I've been dating my bf for the last two things and while I do want to get married someday, I'm not ready for the responbility of that yet. I'm happy with my life. I feel like I have a great balance between friends and work and everything. The only thing that's causing me grief is my mom. Every single time I talk to her I get a long lecture about getting married and having a family before I'm too old to have kids . Every time I hear this I get this panicked feeling and I feel like I'm behind schedule. It doesn't matter that im happy and that I don't want that now, my mom makes me feel bad for not having that. What's worse is she keeps sending me messages about how so and so got married and sending me baby pictures. This actually hurts me because again, I want that but I dont need a constant reminder of it you know? It just really upsets me and we get into an argument about it. I don't understand why she needs to constantly rub the fact thst im not married in my face. I don't know how to stop myself from being upset about it when she does. Maybe I am overreacting but I jdut want it to stop and I've told her so so so many times to stop the nagging but it doesn't stop. What promoted me to post this question is now she's sending me pictures of strangers' babies! It's driving me crazy . Please help Your mom won't change her ways so do your best to laugh it off and not let her get to you or confront her once and for all. She probably wants grandchildren, wants to see you happy and married. Problem is, you're not ready and she isn't "hearing" you. She has an idea of what she wants your life to be and that's why she's pushing it. You can continue to argue with her but that is tiresome and I assume you're sick of it. Tell her ONE final time to keep it to herself and not to bring it up again. If she does again, be strong and set boundaries. Leave or hang up the phone when she starts in on you. If she emails, delete and don't reply back. Eventually she will learn to respect your life and what you choose to do. I mean, what if you choose not to marry but to just be common law? What if you don't want kids? This is YOUR life, not hers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kenji_t Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) Ahh, this...yes, I'm going through this. I've started a thead here to ask for advice, you should take a look there. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/familial/family/516242-dealing-my-mom-s-guilt-trips Do you still live with your mother? If not, do as @whichwayisup said. If that doesn't work, you will have to threaten with no contact at all, this is the only thing that worked for me. The guilt feeling is big but you'll get used to it. Edited March 6, 2015 by kenji_t typo Link to post Share on other sites
BlackHat Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Maybe you can try to take it as a recurring joke. And you can get creative. Your mum looks old school so you can try something like this: Whatever your race is, pick a picture of a guy from a completely different "race", tell him that he is your new boyfriend, and send him pictures of babies from that particular race. Obviously, the more outrageous for your mother the race is, the better. You can also play the religion/national identity card. If your family is very Jewish, pick a Palestinian "boyfriend"...you get the drill. Even better if you tell her you need to help whatever guy you pick to get his visa for him and his large, very large, family. You can also talk about artificial insemination. Or if you really want to scare the bejesus out of her tell her that you have planned to go to a party, get a guy drunk, and get pregnant of him because you feel that will be "romantic". These type of situations are best deal with proper firepower. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 (edited) All moms with daughters of child bearing ages want their daughters to get married and have kids. Your mom only sees this in you. This old school ways she was raised to believe in. But your the modern woman who want things to turn out a bit different. Anyway just go with the flow and don't let it get to you. Your mom won't change her thinking because that's all she knows (married and having kids) you on the other hand wants something different. There are many young woman like you around. No shame in it but your do have your own way and their not like the old school ways your mom is attached too. Don't distance yourself from you mom, but she still loves you. She's your mom no matter what. Enjoy the time you have with her. One day she won't be around no more. Forgive her ways of thinking. You know better just delete the pictures and such. Move on and don't make it bother or stress you out. Nonsense to do that as she's your mom! She just doesn't under the new modern ways of today women about relationships and not getting married. Edited March 7, 2015 by coolheadal Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 You recognize that she is doing this out of love. She wants you to be happy & settled. You deal by going selectively deaf. You simply ignore her when she says this stuff. Delete the photos. Smile & nod when she talks but don't respond with anything more than Uh huh, yeah or OK. Link to post Share on other sites
smg15 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 OP you do realize that when you are in your late 20's and not living at home you can tell your mom "I don't want to hear anything else on this subject" I just told my mom that about a different issue and it works lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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