Accisej93 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Hello, Within the past month a rift has been created in my family unit. My parents do not like my partner, and we were living with them at the time. I was constantly defending my relationship with him, and whilst my parents and I do not get on whilst in the same environment, this was making it worse. I moved out with the boyfriend to keep my sanity and mental health. Within my parents house I do all the cooking, cleaning, get the children ready for school, plan meals, plus work full time. An argument resulted in us being kicked out, and my parents calling me disloyal, an a**hole, telling me i am not welcome back, i made my bed now lie in it etc etc. I'm unsure how to handle the situation. Currently I do not talk to my father who was the most cruel in this situation. I do not want to cut them off completely because they are my parents, and family is largely important to me and who I am as a person. I overheard my partner telling his mother the other day that if I want "to keep being treated like s**t and being put down" its my problem not his. I now feel completely alone in this, when I left home to keep my happiness and relationship with him, and sanity and mental health for myself. Any advice would be beneficial. Im stuck, and i can't continue feeling this way. Kind regards, x Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 First, why don't your parents like your boyfriend? Does he work? Criminal record? Drink to excess/drugs? Treat you with respect? Has he cheated on you in the past? How old are you? How old is he? Have you given up on some of your dreams/goals since you started dating him? I wouldn't know how to give you advice with so little information. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Accisej93 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 My Dad thinks he is a very negative person, and that I can do much better. Dad thinks I am unhappy and have changed. I am the happiest I have ever been. My partner supports me in all aspects of my life, and always makes me smile. he works full time at a big company, no criminal records, no drugs or alcohol, he does respect me and has never hit or cheated on me. I am 22, he is 25. Since meeting and dating he has pushed me to expand my goals and aim higher. My father and I are very similar, stubborn and hard headed. We dont get along, and I have been living out of home since 18 because of that and other family problems that would have hindered me progressing in university. Now that i was back, I was taken advantage of again (cooking, cleaning, babysitting), however I am now old enough to say no and stand up for myself, hence why they think I have changed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Well, if he is all you say he is... Then the best way to convince your family is to do well. Support yourselves, be responsible citizens, show your happiness thru your actions and eventually they will come around. Parents who love their kids more than themselves want what is best for their kids. Right now you parents think poorly of your choices. The only way to change their minds is to be successful and happy. If you were out working, you would not have so much time to be taken advantage of with all the cleaning/babysitting/ect... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 My Dad thinks he is a very negative person, and that I can do much better. Dad thinks I am unhappy and have changed. I am the happiest I have ever been. My partner supports me in all aspects of my life, and always makes me smile. Oh, you mean, like he supported you in your quarrel with your parents? What is it he told his mother....? "if she wants to keep being treated like s**t and being put down" its your problem not his....? he works full time at a big company, no criminal records, no drugs or alcohol, he does respect me and has never hit or cheated on me. I am 22, he is 25. Since meeting and dating he has pushed me to expand my goals and aim higher. My father and I are very similar, stubborn and hard headed. We dont get along, and I have been living out of home since 18 because of that and other family problems that would have hindered me progressing in university. Now that i was back, I was taken advantage of again (cooking, cleaning, babysitting), however I am now old enough to say no and stand up for myself, hence why they think I have changed. I will say this now, having been in a similar situation to you. Sadly, family discord is not unusual. You will find many people on here have had.... challenging relationships with their parents, and some have even deliberately chosen to cut off all contact completely. I'm not suggesting you do that, but there's no point having a toxin in your cabinet and thinking you have to drink it all the time. I believe you need to distance yourself healthily - and I think you need to do it from this guy as well. He seems to have less respect fo you than you imagine, so it would help you to be on your own fo a while to evaluate your own position, in your own mind. Detach from your parents. They are not good for you, right now. Detach from him. He honestly (admittedly based on that one remark) doesn't seem to have your back as much as you think.... and believe it or not, at his age, he's still not 100% mature.... I'd say you sound more 'together' than he is. What is he doing about finding somewhere to live, and establish a solid base for you both? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 .... If you were out working, you would not have so much time to be taken advantage of with all the cleaning/babysitting/ect... Read the first post again - she IS working.... ...Within my parents house I do all the cooking, cleaning, get the children ready for school, plan meals, plus work full time. Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Evanescentworld, Under the general forum she asked for advice regarding now living with her BF's mom and said I'm in between jobs at the moment, She also said that her BF's mom is having her clean/cook/ect. Which is why I commented what I did. But I did miss her working while living with her own parents. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Ah right. Mystery solved! Didn't check on parallel threads.... Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeful4someday Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I overheard my partner telling his mother the other day that if I want "to keep being treated like s**t and being put down" its my problem not his. This might be something your parents have keyed on to that you might not be seeing yet, because sometimes being in a relationship makes you blind to the situation. That was an awful thing of him to say and suggests that he doesn't value you or the relationship. I was also kicked out of my house at 18, not for any reason, just that I moved for college and then they moved my brother's girlfriend in and when I needed to come home for the summer, it's like it never occurred to them that I'd need to come back and so they told me to go live somewhere else. Living independently was expensive and a struggle at first, but learning to be completely self sufficient was the best thing that ever happened to me and I would recommend that you give it a shot. When you take care of yourself and free yourself of dependence on others, you get to redefine your relationships on your own terms and that is truly priceless. And if you think you need your BF to motivate you, you'll quickly find that worrying about not making rent or not being able to make groceries for a week is a pretty powerful motivator. Once you take the training wheels off, you'll find that life has a way of pushing you into doing more than you dreamed you could do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I feel there is a whole lot going on here that we are not privy to...so i want to clarify that I certainly do not have all the answers...especially since i dont know all the dynamics. My first question to you is this...Did you ask your parents permission to allow your boyfriend to move into their home? If you did and they gave you permission...then that puts a whole different slant on this story. If however....you just let him move in....i can understand resentment and a feeling of disappointment and disrespect. Does your boyfriend contribute to the household financially? or did he just move into their home....eat their food, use their water and electric and pork their daughter beneath their noses? If this is the scenario....I can certainly understand animosity. So help me to understand by giving me a little more information please. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I can relate to some extent. My dad was never fond of my then boyfriend, now husband because he didn't think he had much incentive in life. Because my husband wasn't making 6 figures a year with a six pack of abs, he was unworthy in my dad's eyes. I have since moved away and over the years, my dad has accepted our relationship. If your are happy, that is what matters. Perhaps you both move out and then sit down with your parents in private and tell them that you are happy with him and they can either accept that fact or not accept it. Then you make your choice as to how often you want to see them. Link to post Share on other sites
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