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Excluded by family at Christmas


Kristine

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Basically I'm left with a choice. Love, companionship, etc. Or inclusion with family. My brother barely knows him but doesn't like what he's heard. So he has decided the course of family events. Him or me, and he's moms favorite so him it is.

 

We were invited to Grandmas house. However the actual party ended before our arrival, which is the time we were told to come. Cold food, no one but mom and her boyfriend. Who were tired and were so glad we didn't stay stay long. But I'm just really hurt. I haven't seen my 2 year old niece since she was about 18 months. And they are trying to control my life and choices AGAIN. I'm 40!!!!!

 

Really it's heartbreaking. I've cried over this. I really don't know if I should cave in or hold my ground and hope in time they come around. Advice.

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To be honest Kristine, if this is the same guy as you posted about in your Hooking up thread then I am not at all surprised that your family don't want him around. This man has financially destroyed in a matter of months and you now cannot even afford to buy your own children Christmas presents. He is taking you for a complete ride with you putting his needs above your own and even your children's. And bizarrely with all this mess in your life, you start another thread which is about not being able to squirt!

 

Seriously Kristine, you need to get your priorities in order. Is staying with this man good for your children? Is it even good for you (outside of the bedroom)? None of your threads suggest it is. How much more are you prepared to lose for this man?

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UpwardForward
To be honest Kristine, if this is the same guy as you posted about in your Hooking up thread then I am not at all surprised that your family don't want him around. This man has financially destroyed in a matter of months and you now cannot even afford to buy your own children Christmas presents. He is taking you for a complete ride with you putting his needs above your own and even your children's. And bizarrely with all this mess in your life, you start another thread which is about not being able to squirt!

 

Seriously Kristine, you need to get your priorities in order. Is staying with this man good for your children? Is it even good for you (outside of the bedroom)? None of your threads suggest it is. How much more are you prepared to lose for this man?

 

Absolutely Kristine. It is All about Priorities!

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DrReplyInRhymes
To be honest Kristine, if this is the same guy as you posted about in your Hooking up thread then I am not at all surprised that your family don't want him around. This man has financially destroyed in a matter of months and you now cannot even afford to buy your own children Christmas presents. He is taking you for a complete ride with you putting his needs above your own and even your children's. And bizarrely with all this mess in your life, you start another thread which is about not being able to squirt!

 

Seriously Kristine, you need to get your priorities in order. Is staying with this man good for your children? Is it even good for you (outside of the bedroom)? None of your threads suggest it is. How much more are you prepared to lose for this man?

 

Is this the same man his ex left him for his son and had sex with her brother at the age of 6?

 

I think you need to get away from...all of that...for the sake of your own sanity.

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So, I don't know the whole story here but as part of a family who excludes my sister's SO's at Christmas I will offer my .02.

 

My sister makes poor choices in men. For her sake, I hope it one day stops but considering how old she is and how she seems to have not learned her lesson after going through let's see...a marriage with a manipulator and cheater who had not one, not two, not three...but FOUR count em..1,2,3,4 affairs and left her and the children each time for months on end. The guy was also an arrogant and rude jerk and literally could not be trusted in the house because the one time he WAS invited to a family function he tried to steal my Father's pain medication issued to him for a broken ankle from an accident.

 

The other guys..they all share some pretty similar traits. No ambition, mooch off her, most have been unfaithful or verbally abusive. Usually rude, entitled and general butthole surfers.

 

Does that mean your guy is this way? No

 

But, my sister has often had the complaint that people want to control her life. Nothing could be farther from the truth. We're all exhausted by what the kids have had to go through because of her poor choices. We'd love nothing more for her to get herself the help she needs so that SHE can take control of her own life and travel a direction not fraught with dysfunction and overall baloney. We are TIRED. Worn out from the constant drama that is her life. Unfortunately, she is unable to grasp this. She mistakenly thinks no one wants her to be happy and that everyone just wants to boss her around. Nothing could be further from the truth. We would like for her to quit putting herself and the kids through harm but after nearly 10 years of this I think by now we all have exhausted our false hopes that there is actually something any one of us could do to help her. No, no we cannot. She will either get tired of it for herself or she will just continue getting up there in age and still never really growing up.

 

Until then, we have to protect ourselves. Just because she chooses unsavory people to bring into her life does not mean any of us in her immediate family need to do so.

 

Does this mean this is you? No

 

But, maybe there are some similarities. If there are I would implore you to consider their side of things. Maybe they are just discriminatory and cold hearted..who knows? That happens also but..just maybe they have their reasons and they are not so cut and dry.

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