Family and Facebook: Not always a good idea.

[writergal]

So, do you think it's a good idea to add your family members / relatives to your Facebook page? Even if there are settings where you can hide your newsfeed / wall posts from them, why wouldn't you just defriend them if you're going to do that?

[Michelle ma Belle]

The whole reason I even created a Facebook profile was to keep in contact with friends and my family around the world. Then again, perhaps I'm a bit too old fashioned.

[writergal]

I'm old fashioned in the same way as you are Michelle. But, I've found that several of my relatives have earned the right to be defriended from my Facebook page, for posting rude / hostile comments when they disagree with something I've posted. I had to defriend a few cousins because they ignored my request to just not post their opinion, or message me their opinion in private. One cousin put me on ignore so I couldn't see their newsfeed / wall. So there was no point in keeping that person on as a Facebook friend.

 

Sure, I could just hide my newsfeed / wall posts from my cousins I don't like and keep them on as Facebook friends, but I find that is actually worse to do. I mean, if you don't want me to see what you're going to post, then please just defriend me and get it over with.

 

Facebook can open up a can of worms of unresolved family conflict and really create a lot of problems. I shouldn't have to censor myself on my own Facebook wall just to appease relatives who don't share my same beliefs. And I won't do that. I won't even add my own mother for that reason.

[pink_sugar]

I avoid conflict by leaving them on there, but just hiding them from posts. I have had several issues on FB over relatives whining about stuff that is posted.

[whichwayisup]

So, do you think it's a good idea to add your family members / relatives to your Facebook page? Even if there are settings where you can hide your newsfeed / wall posts from them, why wouldn't you just defriend them if you're going to do that?

 

Because if you defriend them, it's gonna cause problems and hurt feelings. Best to set your status updates a certain way so they can't see them when you want to share something you don't want them to know or react upon.

[UpwardForward]

I'm old fashioned in the same way as you are Michelle. But, I've found that several of my relatives have earned the right to be defriended from my Facebook page, for posting rude / hostile comments when they disagree with something I've posted. I had to defriend a few cousins because they ignored my request to just not post their opinion, or message me their opinion in private. One cousin put me on ignore so I couldn't see their newsfeed / wall. So there was no point in keeping that person on as a Facebook friend.

 

Sure, I could just hide my newsfeed / wall posts from my cousins I don't like and keep them on as Facebook friends, but I find that is actually worse to do. I mean, if you don't want me to see what you're going to post, then please just defriend me and get it over with.

 

Facebook can open up a can of worms of unresolved family conflict and really create a lot of problems. I shouldn't have to censor myself on my own Facebook wall just to appease relatives who don't share my same beliefs. And I won't do that. I won't even add my own mother for that reason.

 

These people are barely your family. They're enemies, to carry on that way ..

[UpwardForward]

While I enjoy looking at FB pages of some family members and friends and post on a few groups - I decided years ago to delete & keep my FB blank. I don't even have my son or distant 'family', or any good friends on there.

 

Also I felt my identity was threatened, so I even changed my last name.

[Gloria25]

Well, I do keep certain photos of my family "private" from the public cuz I'm respecting their privacy. I mean, they have their own pages...they can make whatever pics of us public if they want.

 

I also hide to the public who my friends are and my "friends" include family members. I have a lot of haters and don't want them going after my family. But, I think they might still be able to figure out who they are when they comment on my public pics/timeline. Also, with Facebook probably selling your info to the govt, what can you do? But, I still keep it "private" in hopes I'm not making it too easy on the haters to skim through my page.

 

I don't "hide" things on my timeline from my family members. I just watch what I post on there - which I rarely have to worry about. My family and friends know enough about me not to be "surprised" when I post certain things and I'm not gonna post something offensive (i.e. some picture of me half naked and/or me swearing at something).

 

Now, yes, I've had family members I've unfriended cuz I found their FB pages offensive and just plain rude and/or I'm not in communication with them. But, they are like that in real life so, I'm not doing anything out of the norm. In real life I am not close and/or maintain communication with bad/toxic family members.

[xxoo]

My primary purpose for FB is to stay connected with family and friends, so I set the tone by avoiding controversial issues on my page. I keep it light and fun.

[smg15]

My primary purpose for FB is to stay connected with family and friends, so I set the tone by avoiding controversial issues on my page. I keep it light and fun.

 

That's how facebook is supposed to be used. Don't understand why people can't keep things light and fun.

 

You would never see me post anything on FB about any of these topics

 

dating

employment

politics

current events

[writergal]

Facebook is used for a myriad of reasons.

 

Normally, I do avoid controversial issues on my Facebook page because I don't want to alienate anyone. But, occasionally when an issue pops up in my newsfeed that I'm extremely passionate about, I post a link to the article and then comment on it. Other than that, I just post a lot of music, articles, movie reviews, and the occasional personal status update about what I'm doing with my life.

 

I've learned not to get into arguments on Facebook anymore, either. A former Vegan friend and I got into a heated argument on her Facebook page when she posted a link to an article where the author (a Vegan) bashed meat eaters, hours before she and I were set to meet for dinner at a local restaurant.

 

She defriended me that same day and then cancelled our dinner meet-up via email calling me a meat-head. Ha, ha! Well, yeah. I am a meat-head because I do eat meat! I have no problem with people's choices as long as they don't evangelize to me in an attempt to criticize or convert me to their belief system. Give me steak, or give me death!

 

And when I messaged a friend on Facebook to ask why they suddenly blocked me from seeing their wall posts / news feed and photos, the response they gave me was "no one has ever questioned my Facebook choices. Get help." Get help with what? Help asking a friend for an explanation when that friend's actions confuse me?

 

Gas-lighting me like that was hurtful and confusing. Jesus! Is that how you treat your friends? Shut them down when they ask a question?! All I did was ask why I was suddenly blocked from their Facebook page. I figured they had a good reason, or no longer wanted my friendship. Whatever the reason, I wish they would have respected me enough to forewarn me. They are not a friend in the sense of that word, because friends don't treat friends they respect in that way. I don't have any ill will towards them now, and never contacted them about their behavior either after-the-fact. I only wish them well and am disappointed by the way they treated me.

 

On the other hand, a friend I've had for 20 years (and I) tend to argue in jest on both our Facebook pages about topical issues. We jab each other with sarcastic remarks on our Facebook walls, laugh a lot, and our arguments never take on a personal attack tone. Other than that, I prefer to keep the content of my Facebook wall posts light, sarcastic, and fun.

 

The relatives I de-friended recently on my Facebook page either were consistently rude to me via their posts or messages, or never kept in touch with me (never asked me for my postal address or phone number or email address). I mean, when we all lived in the same city over 20 years ago we saw each other all the time. And I still like them in general as people. But why would I want to keep them public on my Facebook account, when they make zero effort to communicate with me offline or online? It's like having ghost profiles. I'm sure they'll notice when I post on my siblings Facebook walls, but frankly if they cared they would have made more of an effort over the years to be active in my life as I tried to be in theirs through cards, letters, phone calls and emails. Such is life sometimes, I guess.

Edited December 26, 2014 by writergal