mammasita Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 So my family is waaaaay dysfunctional to begin with. My brother and I are 7 years apart, were never close....but now that we're adults with children we do spend holidays together since we live 3 hours apart. We're family but not the type where feel like I can call him and chit chat daily. He retired from the military last week....obviously I went to the ceremony. He managed to introduce his neighbors, his wife and kids of course....and during his speech he again mentioned aaaaalllllll of his neighbors who came to the ceremony, his sons friends who hang out at his house.....but not once did he acknowledge to anyone that I was there. Hey this is my sister, or thanks to my sister for driving down. I just feel a little slighted that he managed to throw in his freaking neighbors and his sons friends and didn't bother to mention his blood. Not sure if I should just suck it up and move on because I don't talk to him about these things anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I like getting things off my chest. It may be good to do so, who knows, it may even lead to a stronger, more open, and honest, relationship for the two of you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I don't see anything wrong with teasing him about it a little bit if it's bothering you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 So my family is waaaaay dysfunctional to begin with. My brother and I are 7 years apart, were never close....but now that we're adults with children we do spend holidays together since we live 3 hours apart. We're family but not the type where feel like I can call him and chit chat daily. He retired from the military last week....obviously I went to the ceremony. He managed to introduce his neighbors, his wife and kids of course....and during his speech he again mentioned aaaaalllllll of his neighbors who came to the ceremony, his sons friends who hang out at his house.....but not once did he acknowledge to anyone that I was there. Hey this is my sister, or thanks to my sister for driving down. I just feel a little slighted that he managed to throw in his freaking neighbors and his sons friends and didn't bother to mention his blood. Not sure if I should just suck it up and move on because I don't talk to him about these things anyway. I'm sure it was hurtful for him not to mention you, but all in all, you two aren't close, you don't talk daily which means you're not a big part of each others lives except for holidays etc.. The people he mentioned obviously are involved in their lives. I doubt he did on purpose to hurt your feelings. Talk to him. Maybe this is a new beginning for you two to become closer and hang out more. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 mammasita, Talk with your brother ONLY IF you want a closer relationship with him, and see this as an opportunity to start in a new direction. If that's not the case, though, it's really just...not even you who wants to be 'acknowledged' by him in any way (or you would have made more efforts before now, to get closer to, and be acknowledged by, him). Then just put it down to some 'not-you' ego thing, and leave it at that. That said. I am VERY close with my brother, and he is the only one I forgot to mention during my "thank you everybody" speech at my wedding. I was mortified! And I can still feel that, some 25 years later...and long after my divorce . That is, it could also have been just an "in the moment" brain-freeze, on your brother's part. You won't know unless you ask, but don't ask unless you really do care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbletea Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 Maybe he thought you might feel embarrassed? I have older half-brothers who are 15 and 13 years older than me. We never talk at all, but imagining me in that situation, they wouldn't mention me either because they know I wouldn't want to be in the spotlight. Did he at least acknowledge you when you arrived, say hello, anything? Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 I'm not challenging the idea of bringing it up, but not knowing either of you or your relationship in more detail, I would suggest that you ask yourself: am I expecting or hoping anything will change, in me, in him, and/or in our relationship, as a result of bringing it up? Are the likely outcomes positive or negative, and am I ready for them (if they are negative)? Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 My uncle was like that. I really have no clear idea how he got to be that way, but i do know my grandfather played a major role [good child ... meh child dynamic at work there]. It wasn't on purpose OP, he just cares more about his fictional pet lizard than about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts