pink_sugar Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Every year, planning the holidays in my family is so difficult as no one wants to cooperate. No one wants to cook (I'm more than willing, H and I cooked TG dinner last year). Unfortunately we re-located, so family coming to our place on TG is out of the question. We talked about getting a prepared dinner from a store, but it's going to add up to $10 a person that each of us contributes. Unfortunately, my husband didn't get the position he was promised for work and is borderline unemployed while I am working part time. My husband may be getting a contract job soon until he finds something permanent to bring in income and I'm going full time by January. Until then though, things are tight and I have medical expenses I can't put off. I found a group that provides TG ingredients for lower income families, but a few of my relatives just want to pay the $10 a person even though they all complain about how broke they are and how they all have no or limited incomes. It will cost us $30 to drive there and back, plus $20 for the dinner. And then on Christmas, we'd have to get a hotel since we have no one to stay with. I'm just about to call it quits with my family and seeing them on holidays. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Boy, I wouldn't blame you if you did. That's a real drag. /= Sorry to hear about your stressful situation. And sorry I don't have any advice to give. It wouldn't be horrible if you did call TG/Christmas (whatever) off with your family though. I mean, if they are all complaining that they can't contribute and are depending on you to come through for all of them then that's pretty selfish and wrong, if you ask me. Really disrespectful. I hope everything works out for you and your husband! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Well, I am supposed to be starting a temp job soon, but I am hoping the other temp position comes through because it is within the trucking/logistics field I am in now. We may have to stay in motel or something because we usually stay at my grandmother's who lives in a retirement home, but she will be out of town for Christmas. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Pink- Its okay to accept that with the finances as such, to postpone the celebration. Our family has seen its share of hard times. We found creative ways to gather at later times. One time we had Christmas in July due to one of the family siblings being in military. Another time we had T-Day in September because we knew one of the siblings had to be in the hospital for a procedure in November. Point being, delay the celebration and when things improve, maybe then re-consider a day to convene on special moments. Accept that they may have looked forward and may display disappointment, yet overall understanding needs to have priority. Its unrealistic to ask you to over extend yourselves being what the circumstances are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Pink, can you just apologize to your family that circumstances are keeping you from joining in this year and you and your husband have a small, quiet celebration by yourself? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 (edited) Thanks for all of your replies! My brother is the one getting the dinner from his work and we're all supposed to chip in. However, I just remember that when we paid for and cooked dinner for the family last year, he was the only one who showed up that did not contribute. And he also complained about the food. I think I might suggest that in lieu of paying for the dinner, we will provide sides and dessert. The meal is for 6-8 and we'd be 8 people so I'm also concerned the meal might not feed everyone or give everyone barely one dish. I really tried to encourage them to have a potluck or just get the turkey and people bring sides, but it is just hopeless in my family. I guess we'll have to see where we're at in the coming weeks to see if we can afford the extra cost or not. I just don't get it as my family is full of people complaining they are broke, but don't want to save money. Edited November 7, 2014 by pink_sugar Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I think I'd let them pitch in their $10 for TG but on Christmas, if your husband isn't full-time employed by then, he should be working through the holiday in a seasonal job to bring in some money, and it's a good excuse not to do it with the relatives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 I think I'd let them pitch in their $10 for TG but on Christmas, if your husband isn't full-time employed by then, he should be working through the holiday in a seasonal job to bring in some money, and it's a good excuse not to do it with the relatives. He's starting a 5-8 month contract position in the coming weeks, hopefully sooner than later. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 (edited) Since you're willing to cook, why don't you offer to cook the dinner at one of their houses, if everyone else buys the groceries. A quick google said that "the average cost of this year’s feast for 10 is $49.04" according to some farmer's federation that has studied the costs of a Thanksgiving meal for years, apparently. This is a win for a few reasons. They will each spend less per person, there will be more food (maybe even leftovers for everyone to take home) and you'll only have to shell out cash to travel there. Edited November 7, 2014 by CC12 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 I actually found a way to gather all of the necessary ingredients for free and said I can cook several things for the dinner. My brother is picky about my cooking and my grandmother, despite being on a fixed income, wants a fancy meal from Whole Foods. Guess there is no pleasing these people. That is really good info to know though about the average cost of cooking TG dinner. Sure beats the $80 pre-cooked meal after my brother's 20% discount. And it only feeds 6-8. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Since you're willing to cook, why don't you offer to cook the dinner at one of their houses, if everyone else buys the groceries. A quick google said that "the average cost of this year’s feast for 10 is $49.04" according to some farmer's federation that has studied the costs of a Thanksgiving meal for years, apparently. This is a win for a few reasons. They will each spend less per person, there will be more food (maybe even leftovers for everyone to take home) and you'll only have to shell out cash to travel there. that has got to be wrong. i spent $300 for T-day dinner last year. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 that has got to be wrong. i spent $300 for T-day dinner last year. Damn! How many people did you feed?! Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 that has got to be wrong. i spent $300 for T-day dinner last year. Normal menu- Turkey, stuffing, mashed taters, corn/peas/cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie. All total 38$ for 8 guest. the turkey is a ten lb @.99 a pound. Perhaps where you shop and what is on your menu has alot to do with the high cost you have listed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 It's a shame that your grocery store doesn't offer free turkeys if you spend $300 the month before Thanksgiving. I thought they all did that. I'd gladly skip the holidays this year too pink sugar. Without my Dad it's just not going to be the same. But I have to go because I have kids even though my oldest one won't even be in the country for TG. He'll be in Cancun. So double bummer 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 Normal menu- Turkey, stuffing, mashed taters, corn/peas/cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie. All total 38$ for 8 guest. the turkey is a ten lb @.99 a pound. Perhaps where you shop and what is on your menu has alot to do with the high cost you have listed. I live in the NE and food prices here are quite high. What did we have. I get free range turkey that is harvested the day before T-day. So crackers and cheese for appt, stuffed jalapeno wrapped in bacon. Shrimp cocktails. than turkey, pear gorgonzola salad, asparagus souffle, garlic mashed potatoes, rolls, Some kind of yams. With pumpkin pie and a chocolate tart with fresh berries for dessert. and the alcohol easily costs $100. For 8 people. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 I live in the NE and food prices here are quite high. What did we have. I get free range turkey that is harvested the day before T-day. So crackers and cheese for appt, stuffed jalapeno wrapped in bacon. Shrimp cocktails. than turkey, pear gorgonzola salad, asparagus souffle, garlic mashed potatoes, rolls, Some kind of yams. With pumpkin pie and a chocolate tart with fresh berries for dessert. and the alcohol easily costs $100. For 8 people. Yea it is expensive here. One year we all brought something to my parents' house and because my daughter was in the hospital my job was fruit, nuts and mints...nothing to cook. That cost me $100 or close to it...for decorations on the table in the room nobody goes into except to plop their coats. By the way, your dinner and dessert sounds yummy! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted November 10, 2014 Author Share Posted November 10, 2014 I live in the NE and food prices here are quite high. What did we have. I get free range turkey that is harvested the day before T-day. So crackers and cheese for appt, stuffed jalapeno wrapped in bacon. Shrimp cocktails. than turkey, pear gorgonzola salad, asparagus souffle, garlic mashed potatoes, rolls, Some kind of yams. With pumpkin pie and a chocolate tart with fresh berries for dessert. and the alcohol easily costs $100. For 8 people. With what you listed here, I'm not surprised that all cost $300. Sounds pretty fancy, but good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 I actually found a way to gather all of the necessary ingredients for free and said I can cook several things for the dinner. My brother is picky about my cooking and my grandmother, despite being on a fixed income, wants a fancy meal from Whole Foods. Guess there is no pleasing these people. That is really good info to know though about the average cost of cooking TG dinner. Sure beats the $80 pre-cooked meal after my brother's 20% discount. And it only feeds 6-8. I think you should do whatever is best for you and your hubby. i know you have problems with your family as it is. Plus you are never going to please everyone, so you might as well please yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted November 10, 2014 Share Posted November 10, 2014 My family resembles a smoldering ruin in a lot of ways but I'm glad the few people I get to show up don't have a problem with the food not being organic or if they have to skip to the store beforehand to grab the drink they like I don't have. =/ I'd probably have issues paying out in that situation too. Even if it was only 50 bucks. Ingrates. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 (edited) I've hardly ever had to pay for a turkey. Lots of jobs give them away as gifts and then if you wait for the specials, usually the grocery stores will have some deal where they're free with so much $$ purchase. There's a great New Orleans type restaurant here who does "deep fried" turkey, which is better than it sounds and doesn't really taste fried since the turkey is so big, but anyway, they are a really fancy place and I priced the cost of just picking up their TG meal with whole turkey and their gourmet sides and for 4 it was only $100, which isn't bad for fancy and NO work. You could go ahead and call around to your grocery stores and just ask them if they are running a free turkey promotion this season. Should be happening pretty soon. Also, I came across a $3 coupon for a Butterball turkey somewhere recently, so look for anything like that online. The rest of it doesn't need to be expensive OR hard doing it this way. Turkey: If you want to not worry about basting the turkey, buy an oven bag and cook it in there. Makes life easier and you're opening the oven and losing time. Yes, it will brown. Don't forget to remove the giblets from the cavity!! Boil them separately in small pan and use some or all of them in the gravy, minced in tiny pieces. Makes it richer. potatoes - Easiest mashed potatoes look up on google cooking time for whole potatoes at the temp you'll have the turkey in at. It will probably be like an hour and a half. This is the easiest way to mashed potatoes, no cutting, no peeling, no boiling, plus roasting improves the taste over boiling. Just poke holes and put them in the oven, about 4-6 large ones for that many people. Once done, all you have to do is cut them open, dump the potato in a big bowl, mash with fork, add butter and cream or milk. Dressing. Make cornbread way ahead of time and freeze. There's nothing to it. Buy Kitchen Basics broth, a big one, so you have plenty. Use that broth for the dressing, whatever recipe you choose. You'll need celery, spices, whatever your preference. But it's not hard because you're not waiting for the turkey to have your broth and can do it the day before if you want and reheat gently. Make the gravy from the turkey drippings & giblets. No expense there. Sweet potatoes -- again you can roast them like above instead of cutting/peeling, mash, and add brown sugar or molasses or however you like it and bake. Green bean casserole -- I don't like it. Some people have to have it. It's cheap and easy as long as you use frozen green beans. Have your bossy family biddies be responsible for bringing all the desserts. It's the one thing that travels well without spoiling, so make them bring the pies. One less thing for you to do and hopefully it will satisfy their desire to control the proceedings. Your Whole Food biddie can feel free to go drop her $30 on a dessert there if she wishes. I bet she doesn't. Edited November 12, 2014 by preraph 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Boiling potatoes in their peals is also somewhat healthier than peeling them and then boiling them for some reason [they also taste better]. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 Update: My grandmother was calling my mom while she was on vacation about this very thing! She HAS to have WHOLE FOODS. I guess that's fine and all, but I'm not comfortable paying the full $20 considering my husband and I absorbed most of the cost the last 2 years when cooking dinner and having people over at our place. My brother brought all of one bag of stuffing from work that he probably paid $1.50 for after his discount, while we had to cook and prepare it. I remember he got 2 free pies from work that day and chose not to bring it to the dinner. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 If she *has* to have Whole Foods, tell them she can pay for it. It is not fair for another to inflict a heavy financial necessity on others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 What is this Whole Foods ? Over here it's a brand very cheap stuff owned by a supermarket. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted November 14, 2014 Author Share Posted November 14, 2014 What is this Whole Foods ? Over here it's a brand very cheap stuff owned by a supermarket. It's a health/dietary store specializing in organic foods and foods for every type of diet....vegan, gluten free, dairy free etc. Link to post Share on other sites
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