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My mother is a toxic person how can I shut out the negative influence she has


Georgia2014

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Feel sympathy towards her. That's my stock answer for every bad vibe thrower anymore.

 

But it works for some reason.

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My mother is very toxic to me. She is also sending negative energy to me. How can I not be affected by what she says?

To piggy-back on what amaysngrace said, and only if it fits in with your personal philosophy/belief system, then you can also give decrees for protection from that kind of energy. Best to Google it *IF* you feel drawn to do that.

 

Hugs, and wishing you freedom from this.

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To piggy-back on what amaysngrace said, and only if it fits in with your personal philosophy/belief system, then you can also give decrees for protection from that kind of energy. Best to Google it *IF* you feel drawn to do that.

 

Hugs, and wishing you freedom from this.

 

Thank you and it is hard to be in this situation. I do limit my communication with her.

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Try to not care too much about what she thinks. I know that's really hard, my own mother can say the rudest things about me and even though I know she's a troubled woman, it still hurts. Her negativity is about her, not you.

 

 

After an interaction with her, try doing something nice for yourself. Do something that relaxes you or makes you feel good.

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todreaminblue

hey georgie

 

 

i know i told you to smile when your mother is mean and that you should maintain distance when you dont feel you can cope with her negativity to protect you.....i stand by that....but when i say smile anyway.....smile because her problem should not ever be your problem to carry around...

 

i have a toxic family...and i deal with toxic "people"

 

 

.drugs and alcohol...some serious vices....... are the bane of my existence.....its not the people its the external influences that cause good hearted people to become literally monsters...........to lose sight of who they are and to lose sight of the people around them........i have been a support person in al anon......i have been a support person in narcs more than once.....because people with vices are drawn to me......and their vices make them toxic.....on the other side of the coin ...domestic violence sufferers are drawn to me as well because of vices that cause horrible things to happen

 

i have to ask what vice does your mother have if any or what vice has affected her life if it isnt her own for example a partner or other siblings and or children in yours and her family are there any vices showing their hand in your familial life................deb

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i have to ask what vice does your mother have if any or what vice has affected her life

To piggy-back on what todreaminblue said, it's not necessarily that the "vice" is or will be obvious. It can be to 'victimhood' or 'entitlement' or somesuch. But it's there, and it can be "ancestral"...which becomes all the more difficult to suss out.

 

Limiting communication is only ONE way to protect yourself. I've been going through something similar (though not the same), and it's really forced me to expand my perspective and "mental boxes".

 

I should like to make the point that you ARE empowered and powerful, and have the authority to control this as you deem and choose fit for yourself. That is, even if 'victimhood' is an ancestral theme, you do NOT have to choose or accept it for yourself. (If that makes sense.)

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Just cuz someone is your blood doesn't mean they can't become bad people. I mean, bad people just didn't drop here from the sky from a distant planet.

 

Like others said...limit contact and be super nice. Even when they say something mean, say 'um, I'll take that into consideration' and there you go - they can't argue anymore.

 

Shoot, even call her up and blow up her phone asking her for her views on X, Y, and Z. She probably might get tired of you calling her and cutting her off at the pass.

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Others have suggested sympathy, and something of the sort works for me... like I know that some people's behaviour is abhorrent and I'm grateful I'm not like that.

 

Aside from that, limit contact. I'm estranged from a lot of members of my family and my life is better for it. I know it's hard if it's your mother, but you will be a lot happier if you have little or no contact with her.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I've separated myself from both my mom and dad. Dad - 1st class alcoholic with a long history of all kinds of abuses. Mom - severe mental health issues and refuses to properly medicate herself. It took me years to be okay with just cutting all ties with them. Actually, it took becoming a parent to realize I didn't want their unhealthy, toxic behaviors to influence my son or my way of parenting.

 

Something a good counselor told me once when I felt guilty for cutting ties with them was "at the end of the day, the relationship is inappropriate and unhealthy" - it doesn't matter if they are family or not. Choosing to get yourself into a healthy frame of mind and place is the best option for YOU.

 

Good luck.

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I feel for you OP, and, sympathize.

 

It is extremely difficult to navigate a less than ideal relationship between a mother and oneself. More so within a mother-daughter relationship.

 

A mother is looked upon as a source of comfort, a source of joy, protection, validation and an extension of oneself. A best friend. It is considered to be one of the strongest bonds that exists between two people.

 

I'd like to share with you an article that you may find helpful:

 

https://my.psychologytoday.com/blog/lifetime-connections/201406/mothers-and-daughters-the-challenges-lifetime

 

I too struggle with a negative mother and trying to navigate my own personal boundaries, detaching, and recognizing when it trickles into my world and how it effects me.

 

So, for starters, try to learn how to take proper care of yourself first and foremost. Try to be mindful of her negative energy and how it effects you, what your boundaries are and when they've been crossed. Try to pay attention to your own behaviors, and how energy is transferred. Depending on the severity of your interactions, there may come a time when enough is enough, and eliminating the source of negativity completely becomes the final straw.

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Anytime she is doing anything nice or just not being really bad, praise her. Withdraw attention in a neutral manner when she's being hurtful. Some people like any attention, negative or positive. Don't let her transfer her problem to you. Sorry she feels that way, but don't take it on, and exit the situation.

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Try to address it civilly and if you can't severe ties with her. That is what I did. I forgive my mother because she is obviously sick in the head but I have no hope whatsoever of a healthy relationship with her.

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My mother is very toxic to me. She is also sending negative energy to me. How can I not be affected by what she says?

 

Detach and shield your emotions when you have to deal with her. Put your wall up and just know that she has issues that have nothing to do with you, she's probably miserable and trying to make you feel bad so she can feel better. Some people like to poo-poo on others.

 

Only deal with her when you have to.

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I've separated myself from both my mom and dad. Dad - 1st class alcoholic with a long history of all kinds of abuses. Mom - severe mental health issues and refuses to properly medicate herself. It took me years to be okay with just cutting all ties with them. Actually, it took becoming a parent to realize I didn't want their unhealthy, toxic behaviors to influence my son or my way of parenting.

 

Something a good counselor told me once when I felt guilty for cutting ties with them was "at the end of the day, the relationship is inappropriate and unhealthy" - it doesn't matter if they are family or not. Choosing to get yourself into a healthy frame of mind and place is the best option for YOU.

 

Good luck.

 

This^^^^^

 

I've struggled with family drama for years and feel so much better with limited contact.

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We can't pick our family or can we?

 

Not biological, of course. But what I've done is choose a really great group of friends to make up for my less than ideal family. Their families and my spouse's family have become my core people.

 

Cycles, family roles, and breaking them is no easy task.

 

And once you break those patterns, they will try to suck you in with guilt and finger pointing etc...it's hard not to feed into it.

 

If it's unhealthy, find a way to get out. At least until you can see them for who they are and still be able to be you and set good boundaries. This could take years to accomplish.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Sorry to say ! but i think you should understand her feelings and why she don't like you.?

Every mother love her children too much. I love my parents too. They guide me to select good options or carrier.

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