How do I let this go and move on?

[lilmiscassie92]

I came back home to live until getting accepted into grad school and things started to burn me out. My mother is an alcoholic and there is always constant fighting in my household to the point where the cops have had to come a few times. No one has any respect nor do they care about how my schedule has been with school and work (I'm a first generation college student). I finally got into an argument with all of them telling them how I feel and it escalated to the point where 2 of my family members assaulted me, my mother one of them, and a third threatened to "bash my head into the wall" - mind you, these types of threats were common growing up. I said I wanted to call the police and all of them lied about it saying they were going to deny it and have them "send me away". I moved out immediately within a week.

 

They all act like nothing happened, but they don't understand how I cannot let things go nor how I am feeling. This happened a couple months ago, btw. Not a single one of them has been supportive or a positive figure growing up, and I feel as though I want to just get away from all of them. I don't want to be around it anymore. It bothers me when my mother texts me every day and just stresses me out. Am I bad for wanting to cut ties with my own family?

[Tayla]

You are the product of their inept ability to face life. Your healthy choice to veer away from that behavior and mentality speaks volumes about your nature.

 

Until they face their demons, create your own adult family.

 

Since you did grow up in that environment you may wish to seek counseling as this type of family does have some residual effects into the adult years.

 

As for the lie they told you, any police officer would only need see your physical marks, their denial doesn't hold water against the physical. Charges of assault should have been filed.

[Lurkeraspect]

I came back home to live until getting accepted into grad school and things started to burn me out. My mother is an alcoholic and there is always constant fighting in my household to the point where the cops have had to come a few times. No one has any respect nor do they care about how my schedule has been with school and work (I'm a first generation college student). I finally got into an argument with all of them telling them how I feel and it escalated to the point where 2 of my family members assaulted me, my mother one of them, and a third threatened to "bash my head into the wall" - mind you, these types of threats were common growing up. I said I wanted to call the police and all of them lied about it saying they were going to deny it and have them "send me away". I moved out immediately within a week.

 

They all act like nothing happened, but they don't understand how I cannot let things go nor how I am feeling. This happened a couple months ago, btw. Not a single one of them has been supportive or a positive figure growing up, and I feel as though I want to just get away from all of them. I don't want to be around it anymore. It bothers me when my mother texts me every day and just stresses me out. Am I bad for wanting to cut ties with my own family?

 

No, you are not wrong here. Please move on. They may love you in their dysfunctional way, but it's not love. I've had to cut ties with family for my own well being. Have you talked to a therapist? They can help you navigate this. Seek out family in the people who love you and care about you. Blood doesn't mean family.

 

I'm so sorry, they have treated you horribly. Don't give them permission to do it one more day.

[Taramere]

No, you're not a bad person for that. I think your desire to cut ties is coming from a very healthy place within you that recognises the major dysfunction of your family and refuses to let them convince you that you're the one at fault.

 

Lots of people have family dysfunction that they have to find ways of coping with as best as they can. However, these people are physically assaulting you. It's absolutely unacceptable, and you would be right to call the police. Better still to stay away from them altogether so that you don't have that awful situation where you're calling the police on members of your own family. That's how I would present it to them. In a letter. Your family members have proved to be way too volatile for it to be wise or reasonable to advise you to deal with this on a face to face basis. I don't know that I'd advise you to write the following, but it's what I would want to write to them

 

"I'm not going to visit any more. I refuse to tolerate the abuse and disrespect you dish out. When I stand up for myself it results in some of you physically assaulting me, threatening me with even worse violence and telling me that you will all band against me if I resort to calling the police.

 

Knowing what you are like, as a family, I've no doubt you will make much about not caring whether I cut ties with you. So be it. I can guarantee something though. At least one of you will shortly be shunted into the family scapegoat role I've been occupying up to this point. At least one of you is about to find out just how unpleasant it is. And when that happens, at least one of you is going to understand exactly how I'm feeling right now."