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Do I deserve this from parent?


Higgs

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I guess theres things I have done wrong. Was tired of being an adult living with parents. Anytime I dated someone I was set on the couch and lectured about why I should not date the person. I was in my mid 20's and I just didnt feel like that was right.

Now ive left for someone I was dating and fell in love with. Didnt talk much to my parents about things. I wanted some space and privacy. Perhaps ive taken my need for space and privacy too far. Maybe it would have been better if my parents would have given me space. It sure as hell would have been better had I been able to demand space. But I left. Picked up a job somewhere, moved in with a woman I love. Parents saw it as an insult. Hell, I get it now... whats done is done though. I still tried to see them regularly but now its tough.

Started running into financial difficulties, have troubles with jobs and all. Parents got wind of it. So my father sends me a long rant through facebook that "I need a reality check." and that "your dating an extremely ugly woman that someone like you would never date even in a madman's dream. She is fat and overweight and eventually is going to end up so overweight that the hospital is going to have to take an entire wall down to get her out. Its just like those reality shows. She will support you and every weak decision you make because she wants someone to take care of her when that happens. You need to come home, and right now! Before you go completely broke"

He keeps trying to get me to come home, back to the room I lived in since I was 6 years old... and save money. Hes trying to talk to me about things... but I havent responded. Cant respond anymore. Every message is about going back to live with them and save money and how I cant make it on my own. Now hes saying im cowardly for not responding.

Ive probably done lots of things wrong... But as ive said, whats done is done. I can only go from where im at now. Im sure if everyone had every single detail they could definitely say "wow bad move! what were you thinking".

But the most important thing right now, is that I am with someone I truly love. I basically ran from my parents to get with this person. But its true love. Its a great relationship. Our financial difficulties do not effect that. No hardship is going to split us apart. I'd like to communicate that to my parents, but sometimes i feel like they wont understand. Mainly my dad, hes always been way to wrapped up in money. Guess ill just have to say it wether he can understand it or not.

Anyways.. what do you all think? Im sure some of you probably will tell me what I dont want to hear... Id best suck it up and try to consider every point of view though. The one thing im 100% sure of though that im not going to be moved on is that I want to be with the woman im with now. I wont do anything to jeopardize our relationship. So leaving her to save up money at my parent's house is not an option. Ill file for bankruptcy before I do that... But if you think that I do need to move back to my parents house go ahead and say it. I wont do it... but as I said im not here just to have everyone tell me exactly what I want to hear. Ill consider everyone's point of view and make my decision.

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Actually it is your parents who need a reality check. You are a man, not a child and they need to learn to respect you as such.

 

 

I'm not going to tell you to move home. You're in your mid twenties and you shouldn't be at home. Your parents are controlling and disrespectful of you. Your father has no right to talk about your gf that way. The things he said about her are disgusting.

 

 

You could write your father a short email letting him know that you love him and your mother. Tell him you would like to see them but only if they're going to have some respect for you, your relationship and your gf. Tell him that if they can't accept you for who are then you will have to limited or no contact with them. Then wish him well and wait to see if they come around.

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I would point out how mean & divisive your parents are being but send an olive branch: when you can be kind & accepting of the decisions I am making as an adult, I would love to reconnect with you. But until you can accept me as an adult and keep your nasty remarks in check it's in my best interests to disentangle myself from you. I am sorry you have driven me to this.

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But I left. Picked up a job somewhere, moved in with a woman I love. Parents saw it as an insult.

 

Parents are supposed to want their adult children to move on and make their own way in life. I don't think you should feel any guilt over this. Perhaps you could have kept in better touch with them, but I don't really blame you for being distant when they're the type to say **** like, "your dating an extremely ugly woman that someone like you would never date even in a madman's dream" etc. I mean, jesus, that whole diatribe of your father's was absolutely vile.

 

I'd bet that your upbringing has left you with a warped sense of what's appropriate and what's expected in a parent-child relationship. You understand that leaving your girlfriend is not an option, but you seem to be really wrestling with that choice, like you think you're being a bad person by making that decision. You're not. You're making the same decision most adults would make, except for some reason you feel guilty about it.

 

I think you should start reading some literature on controlling, manipulative, and abusive parents and how to break free from them. Maybe even try some therapy, because you shouldn't have to have these feelings like you're doing something wrong by simply living your life. To answer your original question, no, you don't deserve this.

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