Asking for an early inheritance

[jonsnuh]

So here it goes:

 

I'm currently at a breaking point with my mom, with whom I've made it clear that I will not stand for anymore criticism and making my life more difficult than it could be.

 

Turns out the place I'm living in is a place I'm renting with my mom. My dad has a place back in a major city about a two hours drive away. Now, the landlord said his son might be coming back after a longtime away studying overseas. I was told he was going to be back probably by the end of this month, and only for a temporary period.

 

I speak with him today and he tells me his son is coming back tomorrow. This has put me in a difficult situation because I would likely be relegated from his son's room (which I completely understand) to the basement. I am thinking of adjusting down the rent I pay for living in the basement, until I find a more permanent location.

 

Why haven't I moved out you might ask? My probation was extended for another two months. I've told the landlord this, and the best compromise will probably be me living in the basement.

 

I mentioned this to my mother, and I've told her that I was not happy with having to be bumped downstairs where there is no table decent location for me to put my things and work. I feel that an alternative would be me returning back to my hometown, and find work there.

 

Next thing she mentions is that she doesn't want me living at home anymore. I understand where she is coming from, but this sadistic bitch is effectively submitting to this landlord by throwing me downstairs, and not giving me a choice to return home. Of course, this doesn't affect her since she's with her own uninterrupted room and washroom.

 

I feel like I need to cut loose any emotional ties with her or my father. If she wants to treat me like this by becoming more 'independent' so to speak, I think it may be a good idea for me to ask for an early inheritance and to completely remove myself from her presence.

 

Sounds like I'm overreacting, but having lived by myself during university... I can't stand her incessantly pointing out everything. I enjoy my own time at my own pace and my own privacy-- things that she has already exposed to 'friends' she knows in order to gain her approval. Not only is my reputation in pieces thanks to her with things I've confided with her about, but she's severely powertripping. I've lost my trust with my parents completely. I've asked her constantly to leave me alone, and it's come to the point where I've ignored her the moment she even utters a word of criticism.

 

Once she's old and can't even wipe her own ass, she'll regret everything. This resentment, I can withstand. Just like the Cask of Amontillado.

[Art_Critic]

What makes you think you are due any of their inheritance ?

Having that conversation would most likely land you with nothing more than an earful.

 

A person can give a living inheritance, there are tax issues after 12k per year given though...

 

If I was your parent and you asked me for YOUR inheritance now and I would never hear from you again I'm afraid I would not be giving you any inheritance.

 

It sounds like you are angry.. maybe work on the anger and how to fix the relationship first.

[jonsnuh]

What makes you think you are due any of their inheritance ?

Having that conversation would most likely land you with nothing more than an earful.

 

A person can give a living inheritance, there are tax issues after 12k per year given though...

 

If I was your parent and you asked me for YOUR inheritance now and I would never hear from you again I'm afraid I would not be giving you any inheritance.

 

It sounds like you are angry.. maybe work on the anger and how to fix the relationship first.

 

I'm not expecting anything from them. In fact, I'm not entitled to anything. I get it. They want to teach me a lesson so that I live the same ****ing hardships that they went through apparently. If I get anything, great. If I don't get anything, then it's tough for me. Oh yeah, **** them.

 

Gifts of 12k per year can be given and I have heard of tax optimization and estate planning where an annuity plan of these can be given.

 

I've already done what I can and it seems my patience and tolerance is wearing thin. I've clearly stood my ground by voicing that I want them to respect my boundaries. And they haven't done so. I've seriously though of moving out, if it weren't for the fact that leases are a year long and my probation was extended for another 2 months, without knowing if I have a job that'll last as long as the lease.

[carhill]

I think I'd work on the housing issue independent of the inheritance angle. It appears there's a wide chasm between yourself and your parents. It saddens me when that happens. I guess that's because, in part, I miss mine now that they're dead. Trust me, inheritance is a small thing compared to the value of one's parents, IMO.

 

Anyway, if you and mom and dad are at loggerheads, accept it and figure your housing thing out absent them. You're an adult now and, if unable to have a healthy relationship with your parents, can leave them behind. It's OK to do that. Maybe things will straighten themselves out one of these days. Think of the basement as the man cave and enjoy the distance, if only just vertical, from mom. Maybe you can find an alternative rooming arrangement somewhere nearby. It'll work out.

[jonsnuh]

You see, if they were gone and raptured into space or some constellation, I wouldn't miss them one bit.

 

Maybe this is the inner atheist that's killed any sort of guilt from severing familial ties to my parents, but I've got enough drama and stuff I need to deal with in my own life (mostly myself).

 

I just had a conversation with my father today. He still treats me as a child, and yes I understand that living under his roof would mean having to live by his rules. But, when those rules, like not having personal space to myself, when I can and can't do when it shouldn't be affecting them.. it's unacceptable. There is no compromise, there is no grey area.

 

I've appealed to him so that he could see things from my shoes. Why I do the things I do, where I'm actually coming from when I say I need to live with my parents because I can't afford a house. If I were a parent, I would do these things and support my children when it's come to the point where the child AND the parent realizes that their child is not going to be some revolutionary leader, or Dr. Frederick Banting, or some wealthy entrepreneur like Jack Ma.

 

Like I always say: "Freedom has a price."

 

Edit: On reflective thought, I'm the one who is not accepting any compromise. Sure, it would probably suck living in the basement, but it's still cheaper and much better than living elsewhere. ****, I hate society.

[d0nnivain]

Of course you can get up & leave but you can't ask for an inheritance. If you do ask, on principle your parents should say no.

[preraph]

Your parents won't be giving you any early inheritance. That money is there for them. It may or may not even be enough to meet their needs. Plus you have a bad track record and quarrels with the family so there is no incentive to do so. I get that families can be hard to deal with, I really do, but the way to deal with it is to take two jobs and move out on your own as soon as allowed.

[2sunny]

What are you on probation for?

 

Why was it extended?

[Tayla]

Maybe your sister can show some kindness towards your parents. Its simply something you are at this time unable to bring forth. You are welcome to remain angry and bitter , you are welcome to think as you do. And most folks are welcome to ignore ungracious comments.

 

I stand by Carhills reflective advice. It holds true. Someday when your heart grows and your mind is broadened you'll regret this mindset you are experiencing right now. You only get one set of parents, its ultimately your choice and actions that determine what the future holds.

 

No matter where you live...there you are. No house or job is going to change you...you have to do the work.

[stillafool]

You poor thing you! Instead of trying to live with your horrible parents and asking for an inheritance why not get 2 or 3 jobs and take care of yourself. You don't have to live in a house just get a roommate and an apartment.

[jonsnuh]

What are you on probation for?

 

Why was it extended?

 

I've started a new job at an accounting firm that leaves me extremely tired and stretched out by the end of the day. Yes, I am looking for that mindless minimum wage job to supplement my income so I can make ends meet. But the tradeoff is if I end up looking exhausted, I will never make it past probation.

 

The firm wasn't sure that I was confident enough and weak on communication. Sure, I could work on making myself seem more confident, asking more direct questions and cutting through the bull****, but a lot of the stuff they said I needed to work on was very subjective. Hell, I don't even know if they're just keeping me because a senior staff member is on maternity leave.

[jonsnuh]

Maybe your sister can show some kindness towards your parents. Its simply something you are at this time unable to bring forth. You are welcome to remain angry and bitter , you are welcome to think as you do. And most folks are welcome to ignore ungracious comments.

 

I stand by Carhills reflective advice. It holds true. Someday when your heart grows and your mind is broadened you'll regret this mindset you are experiencing right now. You only get one set of parents, its ultimately your choice and actions that determine what the future holds.

 

No matter where you live...there you are. No house or job is going to change you...you have to do the work.

 

As twisted as it sounds, my breakup left me disappointed, full of regret, 'self-admonished', and wary of being attached to anyone. I know if I were too close emotionally, I could fall into another slump of at least two years and even more detached and desensitized from the world.

 

I screwed up my career and degree because I fell in to a trap of 6 years and I couldn't pick myself up. I don't want to fail myslef again. I have only myself to blame for my failures and being a floormat.

[amaysngrace]

You look forward to the day your mom needs to have someone wipe her ass for her and want your inheritance now?

 

Did I read that right?

[jonsnuh]

From this entire thread, I've realized that there is no unconditional love. In fact, parental love is always conditional and it seems as if most parents or people who think they may be fit to be parents would leave their children hanging dry because they think their child isn't struggling with their own aspirations and being their own person.

 

Oh sure, one should really move out from their parents' home (which I am totally for) but should still expect to be treated as a child by their parents regardless of whether their parents are abusive, and not fit to be parents.

 

Note that I never mentioned any problems and threats to independence, and automatically people jump to defend the parents and scold the child.

 

Is the obligation and duty of the child never excepted just because of this bond, this relationship? Does it make the child a bad person?

 

I never meant early inheritance as a slap to the face, although it really does seem that most of you take it this way. But is it really that taboo of a thing to ask for this?

[Art_Critic]

then why not ask for a loan, one you have to pay back in order to help you get on your feet rather than a living inheritance ?

[jonsnuh]

Inheritance doesn?t have to wait | Financial Post

 

This is one of many articles on early inheritances and the benefits that come from it.

[amaysngrace]

Most children get what's left over AFTER their parents used whatever they needed to have a nice life.

 

They get what their parents didn't use so if you take yours now you'll be compromising their way of life in order for them to support you, who is more than able to support yourself.

 

I hate to break it to you but if your parents both rent then there probably will not be much of an inheritance coming your way. Unless they have excellent life insurance and that you can only have if they're dead.

[jonsnuh]

then why not ask for a loan, one you have to pay back in order to help you get on your feet rather than a living inheritance ?

 

This is actually a great idea, although I'm not familiar with what sort of things need to be considered and need to be in place for this to happen.

 

What are reasonable terms? A notarized written contract for a determined length of time and reasonable interest would be a win-win, strictly business.

[jonsnuh]

Most children get what's left over AFTER their parents used whatever they needed to have a nice life.

 

They get what their parents didn't use so if you take yours now you'll be compromising their way of life in order for them to support you, who is more than able to support yourself.

 

I hate to break it to you but if your parents both rent then there probably will not be much of an inheritance coming your way. Unless they have excellent life insurance and that you can only have if they're dead.

 

I knew the prodigal son parable could never happen in this day and age! LOL

[jonsnuh]

I know plenty of parents who, in their estate planning and for tax purposes, disburse their income through corporations to their children and sometimes restrict those funds held in trust. Many do it for their childrens' university/college education, or for them to give their children an easier start.

 

I'm not afraid of doing two or even three jobs. It's been my parents who are against this from happening, who would rather have me stay at home and study... to end up being overqualified with no social life and absolutely no romantic relationships as they see these as distractions.

[amaysngrace]

Well your mom doesn't want you studying anymore. She wants you to support yourself instead.

 

Did you get your degree? How long ago?

[jonsnuh]

Well your mom doesn't want you studying anymore. She wants you to support yourself instead.

 

Did you get your degree? How long ago?

 

Actually, she's given me mixed messages. She wants me to study to get a pay raise (graduate school) and applauds me for taking the initiative for doing exams like the GMAT, LSAT, the CPA and the CFA exams. My father on the other hand, says I can't live under his roof if I don't study, and if I'm not working. The funny thing is, I was already doing both but he was against me leaving the light on with a book on my face. Go figure.

 

I'm definitely supporting myself. I've got a full time articling job that I'm hurtling everything (and myself) into. I black out once I get home and I can't think/study especially since I'm applying for jobs.

 

I received dual degrees last summer. Took longer than expected, but I was depressed and wasted a whole year with counselling and doing everything I could bounce back. Every time I thought I was confident enough to achieve something, I would burn out.

[amaysngrace]

Actually, she's given me mixed messages. She wants me to study to get a pay raise (graduate school) and applauds me for taking the initiative for doing exams like the GMAT, LSAT, the CPA and the CFA exams. My father on the other hand, says I can't live under his roof if I don't study, and if I'm not working. The funny thing is, I was already doing both but he was against me leaving the light on with a book on my face. Go figure.

 

I'm definitely supporting myself. I've got a full time articling job that I'm hurtling everything (and myself) into. I black out once I get home and I can't think/study especially since I'm applying for jobs.

 

I received dual degrees last summer. Took longer than expected, but I was depressed and wasted a whole year with counselling and doing everything I could bounce back. Every time I thought I was confident enough to achieve something, I would burn out.

 

If you blame your parents for all of your shortcomings do you credit them for all of your achievements as well?

 

Just wondering....

 

Honestly I can't believe that you said that you cannot wait for the day that your mom isn't able to wipe her own ass. Who says things like that?

 

Not someone who should expect a penny from her I don't think. But that's just me.

[jonsnuh]

If you blame your parents for all of your shortcomings do you credit them for all of your achievements as well?

 

Just wondering....

 

Honestly I can't believe that you said that you cannot wait for the day that your mom isn't able to wipe her own ass. Who says things like that?

 

Not someone who should expect a penny from her I don't think. But that's just me.

 

I haven't blamed anything until now. That breakup has left me a very bitter person, and completely faithless. I never (even before all of this) expected anyone to be there to help me. Friends are fickle, and true friends only value you for who you seem and what you do for them. Before all of this, I was a Christian true to my faith until I saw how fake people were, and how my generosity would be taken for granted.

 

I've given up on being stepped on and not meeting expectations. I get enough of it at work and I would want children. I'm tired. Perhaps suicide really is the way to go. Wouldn't make much of a difference at this point.

[Els]

If your relationship with them is bad enough that you want to leave and never speak to them again (and you seriously mean it, not just an impulsive thought)... why would you even want to take any money from them? Leave by all means if you need to, but forge your own path in life. You shouldn't be planning your life around inheritance money anyway, IMO.