youdunsay Posted September 14, 2014 Share Posted September 14, 2014 So how would you react if your dad says he wants to move in with you when you get married in the future? I am not the only child. He has a son who's married with a child. I don't want to sound an ingrate but the thing is it's illogical. I don't even know when, where and with whom I will get married and how can he plan HIS future on me? I don't even know if my future fiance will break up with me if he knows I will bring my whole family along; this brought me thinking why some men want to leave their wives. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted September 14, 2014 Share Posted September 14, 2014 Sounds like you are puzzled by this request. And possibly rightly so. Some cultures maintain the family unit . Some are more modern in that they want the adult children to go off on their own to make a life. when a parent is too old to tend to themselves or in need of companionship to assist, it can help to find a remedy. Contingent on your country or family dynamic, a talk on the matter needs to be openly discussed. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I agree with Tayla that you two should talk. If my parent made that remark, I'd assume he was feeling unsettled about the future; was maybe needing / wanting reassurance he won't be alone in his old age. You said the suggestion makes little sense. All the more reason to suspect it's emotionally based. Hearing my parent worried about being without me would tug at my heart strings, I'm not going to lie. So my reply would likely be compassionate. I know you said there's a sibling. But perhaps he just likes you better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I would be concerned. Parents don't generally want to move in with their adult married children, unless they have no choice for heath or financial reasons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author youdunsay Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 Hearing my parent worried about being without me would tug at my heart strings, I'm not going to lie. So do I. The day will arrive, when I am prepared to be married. But then again it is ridiculous. I haven't got any boyfriend and someone has dictated how I should live for the rest of my life? Yea I kind of understand. I am the only one who will listen to them when they feel like talking but not for my brother. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 It was probably a joke to keep you from getting married. My exH use to say a thing about when our daughter starts dating he's going to lay out his gun collection on the table and ask the kid which one he wants to be shot with or something. He didn't really mean it but some dads are funny about their little girls. Maybe your dad is too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 So how would you react if your dad says he wants to move in with you when you get married in the future? I am not the only child. He has a son who's married with a child. I don't want to sound an ingrate but the thing is it's illogical. I don't even know when, where and with whom I will get married and how can he plan HIS future on me? I don't even know if my future fiance will break up with me if he knows I will bring my whole family along; this brought me thinking why some men want to leave their wives. Is your dad unwell and unable to look after himself? Or is he just older and scared to be on his own? Link to post Share on other sites
Author youdunsay Posted October 2, 2014 Author Share Posted October 2, 2014 Sorry for such a late reply. No but he does afraid that no one will support him financially, I suppose. Mum has been the breadwinner since I was young. Though Dad wasn't able to bring back the bagel, he does ocassionally able to help me out financially when I am cash strapped. Take for instance recently I'm not employed and Dad lend money to me to fix my computer so that I can find a job etc. Our relationship with dad has always been somewhat estranged but I couldn't dismiss the fact that Dad helped me out a couple of times. Mum has totally given up on him and my brother does not really trust him. My brother is closer to my mum. I'm fairly neutral. Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) Is there any reason why he can't stay where he is while you give him some help when you can ? Sorry to say your father is a loser. Not only did he mess up his own life, he could mess up yours also. I would suggest you stay separate from him if you can once married. I don't know about where you are, there may be be government social services that offers some help in terms of money or a care home. There may be charities also. On the whole, the government generally don't let old people drop dead on the street. Although I personally think they would euthanize the totally dependent elderly on the quiet if there are no family member who can take care of them. It would be a tidy end for all involved. Edited October 3, 2014 by LoneIsland Link to post Share on other sites
Author youdunsay Posted October 3, 2014 Author Share Posted October 3, 2014 No lol our family still lives together. I don't know why he is not earning but in all fairness he did helped my mother's business for the past decade. Well anyway I have some thoughts to this. Link to post Share on other sites
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