Lisey9 Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I posted before about my mean SIL. Well, she has done a complete 180, and is being super nice to me. Emailing me, texting me, taking pictures with me, complimenting me, including me in plans, inviting me to do things with her friends. This 180 is due to my husband telling her that we are expecting. Which we are, but we literally just found out, and haven't even gone to the doctor yet. Apparently they won't see you until you're 8 weeks. My question is, SIL invited me to do something with her and her friends, and DH wants me to go, but I have a hard time trusting her. I feel like there are strings attached. Either something will happen to the baby, which I understand is pretty common this early on and she will go back to being mean, or else she is trying to be nice to me because she wants to be the favorite aunt, or be picked for godparent or something. Should I go and hope for the best? Or politely decline? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Proceed with caution but go. As the Art of War advises: Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 (edited) It sounds like she is being phony so she can see the baby. She probably knows if you don't like her you won't allow your child to see her. I would go but keep your guard up. I would suggest wait and see if she keeps on being nice or if she goes back to her old ways. Either way I think due to her sudden change in attitude after hearing about the baby that is why she is being nice. I don't think it's a genuine nice. I am also suggesting do not make this woman a God Parent. She sounds two faced. Edited August 25, 2014 by Georgia2014 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lisey9 Posted August 26, 2014 Author Share Posted August 26, 2014 I said I would go....we'll see how this all plays out. I'm very close to my own sister, she is my best friend, and I want her to be a godparent, if we do that. That is partly why I am worried about "strings"... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Since you have a sister. . . unless your husband pressures you, it's a no brainer. To the extent SIL wants to be good to your child without undermining your parenting, let her. You don't have to trust her but giving her the room to love your kids is a good plan Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lisey9 Posted August 26, 2014 Author Share Posted August 26, 2014 (edited) Since you have a sister. . . unless your husband pressures you, it's a no brainer. To the extent SIL wants to be good to your child without undermining your parenting, let her. You don't have to trust her but giving her the room to love your kids is a good plan I agree with you, I want any children we have now or in the future (don't want to jinx it!!) to have good relationships with all their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, regardless of how I've been treated or my relationship with any of those individuals. I guess where I am struggling is twofold. 1. For awhile I thought SIL was my friend, and that we would have a good relationship, only to find out that was not the case and that she was trying to undermine me with mutual friends and with my in-laws (her parents). I felt really betrayed. Even after that I tried really hard with her for DH's sake, to the point where I felt ridiculous and like a doormat, so DH and I talked, and agreed to end that. 2. Based on the above, plus some other things (she always has to be the best and the favorite, and has lied about DH in the past or done other things that aren't very nice in order to achieve or maintain such a position in the eyes of others, to include their parents), I have a very hard time trusting that she genuinely wants a good relationship with any of us. I can't help but think that her new behavior is completely self-interested. She is very charming and fun when she wants to be, so it's hard not to get sucked in. I would love to be wrong about her. Edited August 26, 2014 by Lisey9 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 It doesn't sound like you are wrong about her. Protect yourself. Make some kind of record when you interact with her even if it's only a FB post so she can't deny it later. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lisey9 Posted August 26, 2014 Author Share Posted August 26, 2014 It doesn't sound like you are wrong about her. Protect yourself. Make some kind of record when you interact with her even if it's only a FB post so she can't deny it later. Yes, she likes to play dumb, like she is just flakey or something, when she gets called out on bad behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 I think it's more likely your husband told her to start being nice to you, not so much that she wants baby privileges. That would be pretty unusual. Whatever, she is being nice, so reward nice behavior and turn away from bad behavior. And congratulations! Hope it all goes well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lisey9 Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 I think it's more likely your husband told her to start being nice to you, not so much that she wants baby privileges. That would be pretty unusual. Whatever, she is being nice, so reward nice behavior and turn away from bad behavior. And congratulations! Hope it all goes well. Thank you! As long as she is being nice I will do my best to push my pride aside and be nice back, while also trying not to get too close to her again. I need proof that she is sincere. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Oh, I completely agree. Unfortunately, sometimes a decision to be civil is the best family members can do with each other. So be polite, but don't try to get into her life or her into yours any more than family gatherings. At least that's what I think. But at least now you can be civil at family get-togethers. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 I posted before about my mean SIL. Well, she has done a complete 180, and is being super nice to me. Emailing me, texting me, taking pictures with me, complimenting me, including me in plans, inviting me to do things with her friends. This 180 is due to my husband telling her that we are expecting. Which we are, but we literally just found out, and haven't even gone to the doctor yet. Apparently they won't see you until you're 8 weeks. My question is, SIL invited me to do something with her and her friends, and DH wants me to go, but I have a hard time trusting her. I feel like there are strings attached. Either something will happen to the baby, which I understand is pretty common this early on and she will go back to being mean, or else she is trying to be nice to me because she wants to be the favorite aunt, or be picked for godparent or something. Should I go and hope for the best? Or politely decline? Why did you guys break the news before going to the doctor? The rule of thumb is to not announce until about 12 weeks as there is 30% chance of miscarriage in all pregnancies in the first trimester. Anyways, proceed with caution with the SIL and just be nice to her back. Link to post Share on other sites
MCGar Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Don't do it. Nope. She can't be trusted. Keep her at a polite distance. Even if she is completely genuine, you shouldn't go into a renewed friendship without atleast an attempt at hashing out the previous differences. Rug sweeping is a recipe for attracting vermin. As for your husband, you need to lay it on the line for him. Don't make it about his feelings or needs for the families to get along. Sit him down and let him know about your relationship with a certain person (sil) and how you are prepared to deal with it. Let him know that you do not want to be pushed, pressured, or guilted into doing more than you are comfortable with. If he does, then it will only breed resentment towards her AND him. The only time he needs to stick his oar in this water is if he's going to set boundaries with her. Otherwise he needs to allow you to manage your own relationships with people based on their actions. I can look into my crystal ball and let you know that sooner or later sil is going to revert back to her own personality and by the time the baby arrives you would have been led down her merry path to opening the door wide open. Closing that door will be so much harder later. Right now you just need to have a nice secure door that only opens so far with a chain lock. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lisey9 Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 Why did you guys break the news before going to the doctor? The rule of thumb is to not announce until about 12 weeks as there is 30% chance of miscarriage in all pregnancies in the first trimester. Anyways, proceed with caution with the SIL and just be nice to her back. Trust me, I didn't want to tell anyone. DH just couldn't keep the news to himself, at least in regards to his family. SIL also told us all about her pregnancies literally the second after she peed on the stick. Link to post Share on other sites
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