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Trouble expressing emotions to parents


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I recently got into a sort of argument with my parents regarding how I express myself to them, especially in terms of gratitude. Although it's not so much the large things that bother them. They get upset at my quietness and tendency to be reserved among other small things, such as not saying good morning everyday and not speaking loudly (it's honestly something that I haven't found a consistent solution for). Things such as not saying thank you too quietly can escalate into large ordeals. The issue is more with my stepfather than my mother. I can carry conversations with people other than my parents easily, especially with my stepfather.

 

He's not a bad person, in fact he's an excellent father figure and I used to be closer to him. I'm not sure what happened that I went from being the first to say thank you for everything and looking forward to speaking to him everyday to avoiding him and hardly wanting to come across him, but the thing is although he does a lot, this has become another chore for me to do every time I come back from college (BTW this problem started before college, so being away isn't it). I find that I really dislike being home for more than a few days because I can only fake the "being social" act with them for so long until I just want to run far away, but since I'm with them for two more weeks I might as well address the problem.

 

Ultimately, my problem is that I cannot help feeling like I have to run away from them all the time. Honestly, my own mother talked to me about cutting me off completely and I really didn't care (I know I'd be done for, but I wouldn't hold it against her either, in fact I would still hug her tightly like I always do on my way out). I know I'm making it sound like I already know the answer, but I don't want a temporary solution to my problem anymore. So in short, how can I stop thinking about throwing myself out of the window each time I see them? Has anyone experienced anything like this?

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So in short, how can I stop thinking about throwing myself out of the window each time I see them?

 

So their issues with you are:

 

-You don't say "Good morning" to them.

-You speak quietly, which probably means they think you mumble.

-You either don't say "Thank you" or you say it too quietly.

-You avoid your stepfather.

 

These seem like valid complaints, and they seem like things that should be pretty easy for you to change in order to lessen some of the tension when you visit them. It's just good manners to say, "good morning" or "thank you," and to say it clearly. If you mumble a quick "thanks" it seems like you don't mean it, and that sort of thing can really wear on people after a while, especially if they feel like they've gone out of their way for you or if they've really made an effort to do something nice for you.

 

These are very basic good manners and politeness. Is there a reason you can't/won't practice them? Honest question.

 

To address them feeling that you're not appreciative enough, there are ways to show gratitude beyond just saying (or mumbling) "thank you." For example, they let you stay at their house when you're on breaks from school, right? To show your gratitude, you could clean the house, make a few meals, wash their cars, mow the lawn, etc.

 

Do they contribute to your college in any way? Then give them an idea of what they're paying for. Tell them which classes you're taking, how you like your student housing, which courses you like best, what you do around campus. Let them know that you appreciate what they're giving you and that their money isn't being wasted.

 

I'm just going on what you wrote in your OP and it seems like a lot of the strain could be alleviated by you showing respect and gratitude to your parents. Do you think this is accurate, OP?

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Your right, I once made it a point to do all those things, but for some reason I got caught in a cycle of doing those things and then holding off on it when I felt like I needed space from everybody (usually due to, not so much an argument, but just exchange of words that creates distance between us). Also to be honest, I don't find it easy to say things I don't mean :/ . I mean it is my fault for not addressing those issues I have with my parents from their roots and being passive about things that bother me, which is another thing. I kept convincing myself that it was better if I just let them say whatever and then just move on rather than argue back. Of course, that only made me harbor bad feelings and slowly overtime I began avoiding everyone. I'm sure there's more to it but that's all I can think of right now. I made peace with them recently, but for me it's not something to be left alone just yet.

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