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My mom calls me fat... is she right.


justsoconfused

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justsoconfused

Am I fat?

 

I don't know.

 

My BMI is normal. My friends tell me I look fit and healthy. I work out everyday for at least an hour (running, biking or lifting). I run a sub-7 minute mile. At 5'7, I wear size 4 jeans and medium tops. I just don't understand.

 

Is it because I have big boobs? I'm a 34D so my dress size is an 8.

 

Is it because I lift weights to train for college softball? Am I too bulky?

 

Maybe my mom is right. I do have some armpit fat that needs to be trimmed down and my thighs do look bigger. My stomach is flatter than it was before I started lifting, but now my shoulders are broader.

 

She'll make snide remarks all the time. Like back-handed compliments. She'll call me cute and tell me I'm chubby like a baby. Or she'll tell me she liked my outfit, the shorts fit my fat legs and big butt really well.

 

Or I'll come home from the gym, feeling great about my workout, wearing a tank-top, and she'll just look at me, disgusted. "Stop lifting, oh my god, wow your arms looks huge, look at that back fat."

 

And it sucks. Usually, I ignore it. I pretend it doesn't bother me. I know it shouldn't. But it ****ing does and it ****ing sucks.

 

Sometimes, I admit, I binge-eat when I just planned to eat a small snack, and end up eating 500-700 calories. I did that growing up. It was just a phase that I never outgrew from my growth spurt days. It never really bothered me. I never gained any weight because of it because this only happened maybe once a week, and my next meal ended up being light because I was already full... at max I fluctuated maybe 1-2 lbs.

 

But now, everytime I binge I feel so gross. So gross. I induce myself to vomit when this happens, which is once every two months or so, starting this year. I've only thrown up three times... and only after binges. Does this make me bulimic?

 

I am now also obsessive about counting calories and I can't sleep if I ate more calories than I burned. I NEED to be at least 200 calories below my estimated expenditure. I'm eating 1500-1800 calories per day. So I can't have an eating disorder!

 

I also eat very healthy. I'm vegetarian, and I tell myself I am because I care about the environment and animals and ****, but honestly, I'm lying. I'm just avoiding meat because I don't want to gain anymore bulk. I wasn't vegetarian in college, but when I came home, after hearing all these bulky comments from my mom, I turned into a vegetarian.

 

Maybe, those comments aren't so bad after all. I am liking the results. I feel smaller and leaner. When I came home from college I weighed 155 lbs. Now I weigh 145. I'm trying to get down to 135 and a size 2.

 

My mom is thin. She is 5'2 and is very proud of herself when she weighs less than 100 lbs. Usually though, she hovers around 105. I know I shouldn't let my mom's own weight insecurities get to me, but I can't help it. I think I'm developing an eating disorder, but also since I'm fat, maybe that's not so terrible.

 

Maybe this isn't an eating disorder, it's just a diet. I'm probably over-reacting, right? I'll lose another 10 lbs and once I feel comfortable wearing a crop top, I'll start eating enough calories to maintain my weight (2000-2400).

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At 145 you are a reasonable weight for 5'7". Your mom is shallow and my dad is also like this. You have to remember that it's your mom with the problem and not you. As long as you like the way you look is what matters.

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You are in better shape than your mother. I'm assuming that she doesn't do any actual exercise. Even thin people can get heart attacks if they don't do any exercise to keep their hearts healthy.

 

It's not normal to binge and then vomit. I think you should seek help, or at least someone to talk to.

 

More info

Edited by SpiralOut
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You are not fat and you might want to consider not living with your mom. She is bad for your mental health.

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hoping2heal

Your BMI is normal, you are active and fit on a regular basis...

 

Guess what? There's nothing wrong with you!

 

Your mother is what they, in the DSMIV call abusive, and what I, in every day life refer to as "abusive twit".

 

I know she's your mother but you need to stand up for yourself and let your "Mommy Dearest" know that she needs to stop using you as her abuse target.

 

If she can't do that? Adios bitch-migos

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Really? Because you are an expert on psychological issues regarding weight, anorexia, etc?

 

The OP is in no way "overweight" or even close and she needs to ignore her mother who is making this into an issue when it isn't.

Have you ever considered that maybe her mother's attitude is part of what's keeping her as thin as she is in the first place?

 

I've been both TigerLily and having the complex is way, way better.

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Smilecharmer

It sounds as though due to her influence you are developing an eating disorder. Please get some information on bulimia. Bulimia kills and ruins lives. It sounds like you are athletic and healthy so her comments sound like she is overly judgmental. Some people carry a smaller frame and it has nothing to do with health.

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hoping2heal
Have you ever considered that maybe her mother's attitude is part of what's keeping her as thin as she is in the first place?

 

I've been both TigerLily and having the complex is way, way better.

 

I don't mean to be argumentative but I have no idea how you think this is helpful or productive.

 

The remarks her Mom is making are deplorable and your post sounds like it is justifying the behavior or at the very least making it acceptable.

 

Health is important, but emotional and mental wellbeing is every bit as important as physical and having someone browbeat you to "keep you thin" (and let's be honest..browbeat is a nice term for what her mother is doing) is no way to do it.

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Possibly your mother can't deal with getting older and is jealous of you and your looks - she will have developed more wrinkles than you, has more grey hairs than you, has saggier boobs and butt - and this is the way she's expressing it, by continually pointing out the only way that she is "more attractive" than you (at least in her own mind!)

 

Either way, it's not acceptable for her to say this to you, particularly as it's not true. Sounds like you are a normal weight, and more importantly, you are fit and active.

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I don't mean to be argumentative but I have no idea how you think this is helpful or productive.

 

The remarks her Mom is making are deplorable and your post sounds like it is justifying the behavior or at the very least making it acceptable.

 

Health is important, but emotional and mental wellbeing is every bit as important as physical and having someone browbeat you to "keep you thin" (and let's be honest..browbeat is a nice term for what her mother is doing) is no way to do it.

I see all these poor obese people walking around and feel terrible they don't have anyone that loves them enough to browbeat them. Any stress from that is easily overcome by the positive reactions you get from everyone else for being thin.

 

I've been around women with real eating disorders, the kind who have to be locked up and have tubes shoved up their noses. Wanting to throw up after binging occasionally is pretty normal. Even I get that urge.

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First of all, let's take your mom out of the equation. Let's look at some objective descriptions of yourself:

My BMI is normal. My friends tell me I look fit and healthy. I work out everyday for at least an hour (running, biking or lifting). I run a sub-7 minute mile.

You sound like you probably have a body that is WELL within a very normal range, and your exercise and activity level and capability sounds admirable.

 

Something that's important to understand is that disorders (body dismorphia, eating disorders) are not all-or-nothing things. There isn't some bright line where you are perfectly fine on one side of it, and a horrible mess if you move just a few inches to the other side.

 

These things are broad, blurry scales. So you might look at one or two things and say "that's not a problem, so I'm fine", but I see several things that are worrying, because they sound like at least the start of body image and eating problems:

I do have some armpit fat that needs to be trimmed down and my thighs do look bigger. My stomach is flatter than it was before I started lifting, but now my shoulders are broader.

 

Sometimes, I admit, I binge-eat when I just planned to eat a small snack, and end up eating 500-700 calories. I did that growing up....

 

But now, everytime I binge I feel so gross. So gross. I induce myself to vomit when this happens, which is once every two months or so, starting this year. I've only thrown up three times... and only after binges. Does this make me bulimic?

The fact that you are asking this is important - your mind is trying to tell you something, even if another part of your mind is trying to deny it. Whether it crosses some imaginary bright line and deserves a label doesn't really matter. What matters is that feeling like roughly a meals-worth of calories is grossly excessive and therefore inducing yourself to throw up is not healthy, normal behavior.

 

I am now also obsessive about counting calories and I can't sleep if I ate more calories than I burned. I NEED to be at least 200 calories below my estimated expenditure. I'm eating 1500-1800 calories per day. So I can't have an eating disorder!

Again, whether you can argue about that bright line and whether you are standing a few inches one way or the other is just a denial tactic. What matters is that you have an obsessive need to believe you are under-consuming - obsessive to the point that it interferes with the normal conduct of your life (not able to sleep.) This is not normal, healthy behavior.

 

I also eat very healthy. I'm vegetarian, and I tell myself I am because I care about the environment and animals and ****, but honestly, I'm lying. I'm just avoiding meat because I don't want to gain anymore bulk.

 

I know I shouldn't let my mom's own weight insecurities get to me, but I can't help it. I think I'm developing an eating disorder, but also since I'm fat, maybe that's not so terrible.

The two bolded comments above are hopeful. In spite of all the bargaining and denial you are doing to convince yourself that it's not an eating disorder, but "just a diet", you mind apparently still has some ability to see through the haze to a more balanced view of reality.

 

I sort of feel like this is a prime moment, when that honest, balanced side of your mind could go and get yourself some help to level out your image of yourself and your consumption habits and attitudes, before you slip too much further into the pathology that allows you to believe your wicked mother's nasty comments, and to convince yourself that maybe an eating disorder might "be not so terrible." This is the denial side of your mind working against you again.

 

 

Now I weigh 145. I'm trying to get down to 135 and a size 2.

 

My mom is thin. She is 5'2 and is very proud of herself when she weighs less than 100 lbs. Usually though, she hovers around 105.

 

Maybe this isn't an eating disorder, it's just a diet. I'm probably over-reacting, right? I'll lose another 10 lbs and once I feel comfortable wearing a crop top, I'll start eating enough calories to maintain my weight (2000-2400).

You sound like an addict, who promises that you'll quit once you win one more hand at the table, once you smoke just one more pack of cigarettes, once you have just one more hit of whatever drug controls you.

 

You think you need to lose another 10 pounds, and you promise things will change then. But I bet when you get there, your (already concerning) consumption habits will be so ingrained, and your (already concerning) body image will be further warped, so that it won't be enough. I bet losing those 10 more pounds won't make you feel more normal, it will just dig you deeper into the difficulties you now see yourself starting to starting to struggle with.

 

Part of your mind sees this, and the other part is working hard to deny it. Go get some professional help to get a rational, outside perspective on this, to help your mind work out a safe, healthy equilibrium. If nothing else, could you go to your doctor for a checkup, and could you be as completely honest as what you described here? Which side of your mind will win out in that discussion? The side that knows something is a little off, or the side that will try to minimize and cover things up?

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Lernaean_Hydra

You're a healthy weight. Your mom is crazy and probably jealous but also you're bulimic.

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I've been around women with real eating disorders, the kind who have to be locked up and have tubes shoved up their noses.

Ah, so it's not a "real eating disorder" unless it's so bad that you have tubes up your nose and have to be involuntarily committed, etc. Is that it?

 

How do you think those "real" eating disorders started? Did such a person just go to bed normal one night and then wake up the next morning, gaunt and malnourished, needing to be rushed to the hospital with a sudden-onset mental disorder and physical injuries?

 

No - they start with minor, incremental pathologies: a belief - against all evidence - that a normal-sized body is "fat", experimenting with dieting, then eventually obsessing about it to the point where it starts interfering with one's life, maybe the occasional binge and purge, and yet another 10-pound weight loss goal.

 

It doesn't hit overnight like a tidal wave; it starts more subtly, with warning signs, and you don't have to have a tubes-up-the-nose, involuntary hospital stay, "real eating disorder" to try to catch it before it blows up into one of those.

 

Wanting to throw up after binging occasionally is pretty normal. Even I get that urge.

OK, let me meet you on your turf: you advocate that it's "pretty normal", yet the OP has come here for advice since she's clearly not sure. Would you agree with me that it would be a good thing for her to go get a checkup with her doctor, honestly laying out all the information we've discussed here, offering a clear, objective review of her body and eating attitudes and habits?

 

If it's normal - as you say - then a checkup with a doctor would certainly put her mind at ease, wouldn't it? Wouldn't it be good for the OP to get that confirmed by a professional? Do you agree with this, and if not, why?

Edited by Trimmer
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Lernaean_Hydra
I see all these poor obese people walking around and feel terrible they don't have anyone that loves them enough to browbeat them. Any stress from that is easily overcome by the positive reactions you get from everyone else for being thin.

Quick question....are you insane!?

I've been around women with real eating disorders, the kind who have to be locked up and have tubes shoved up their noses. Wanting to throw up after binging occasionally is pretty normal. Even I get that urge.

 

Oh, never mind...the answer is yes.

 

No, none of this is normal behavior. Normal people do not "binge" and eat until they feel sick and want to throw up. Purging is not only not part of a healthy eating process, but it is also a very major indicator of an ED.

 

While yes, going from fat to thin is a big rush, a huge ego boost and an awesome high, it in no way completely eliminates whatever body image issues one may have had. I dropped 100lbs and get hit on, complimented or otherwise acknowledged as some great beauty several times daily yet still I struggle with my own self-perception.

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It isn't all that strange Lernean, and if you're somehow hearing my voice saying that being thin comes with no issues then you might need a doctors appointment yourself because I never said that. =/

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Trimmer, if she wants to discuss it with a doctor that's fine. But they would probably take the same hysteric viewpoint shown here. Why not when it's an extra excuse to bill insurance? She's not even underweight and people are already slapping labels on her.

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Berating a person doesn't necessarily keep them from getting fat. I hope that whoever suggested that is trying to be a contrarian.

 

My dad bugged my mom about gaining weight...she went from 105 pounds (at 5'2") to about 150. They got divorced and she married a guy who didn't mind her weight. Unfortunately she gained another 50 pounds after that. She died suddenly of a massive heart attack a few years ago. :(

 

OP, the things your mom says are emotionally abusive. You are a healthy weight for your height and you're athletic. Please focus more on being healthy and not on what they scale says. Also please keep in mind that most celebrity "weights" listed online are greatly understated. I remember a few years ago that a magazine article listed Maria sharapova's weight at 130 pounds (she is 6'1" and muscular) and lots of people commented that this had to be off by at least 30 lbs.

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serial muse
Trimmer, if she wants to discuss it with a doctor that's fine. But they would probably take the same hysteric viewpoint shown here. Why not when it's an extra excuse to bill insurance? She's not even underweight and people are already slapping labels on her.

 

Bulimia presents serious health issues and plenty of bulimics aren't technically underweight. It's not hysteria to suggest consultation with a medical professional, and a medical professional's advice on the matter certainly should not be considered a hysterical viewpoint.

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Jealousy. Personal insecurities projected onto her daughter to somehow "lessen" her own problems.

 

When I was 18 my mom tried to TEACH me how to be bulimic. Because sometimes "you over eat but don't want to gain weight"...:sick:. I already knew she was ****ed in the head but to try and encourage me to develop an eating disorder???

 

Disgusting. Just like OP's mother. I feel for you OP. I hope you have the strength of spirit to get away from that woman and realize you are better off without her.

And now you look like you're pregnant. See what happens to a lot of people when the nagging influence gets removed?

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Bulimia presents serious health issues and plenty of bulimics aren't technically underweight. It's not hysteria to suggest consultation with a medical professional, and a medical professional's advice on the matter certainly should not be considered a hysterical viewpoint.

I'm pretty sure she'll be fine as long as she doesn't get crazy with it. But by all means get a lecture from a doctor if that will make you feel better.

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She's already "crazy with it". She is letting her mom's judgments in to the point where she is worrying about her ARMPIT FAT, for goodness sake.

 

OP, you are physically healthy. You exercise, eat well, and care for yourself. You are never going to get rid of every minor pocket of fat on your body. Nobody cares about your armpit fat, and if they do, they are shallow and critical just like your mother.

 

Your mom has some major body image issues. I don't know what is going on inside her but I promise you that her bragging about being 105 pounds is hiding some major insecurities about something. Don't let her pass that on to you.

 

If you have short legs, who cares?

 

I have no idea why your mother wants to keep you down, but you need to IGNORE her.

 

And I agree that you need therapy. Physically, you are in good shape, but you are much more than your body, and obsessing over weight and your body isn't healthy.

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And now you look like you're pregnant. See what happens to a lot of people when the nagging influence gets removed?

 

Why the hell would you say something like that? Candy Pants looks fine.

 

I don't know why you are sticking up for people who essential destroy other people's self-esteem by berating them and telling them they suck. That's so awful.

Edited by SpiralOut
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TigerLilly78
I see all these poor obese people walking around and feel terrible they don't have anyone that loves them enough to browbeat them. Any stress from that is easily overcome by the positive reactions you get from everyone else for being thin.

 

I've been around women with real eating disorders, the kind who have to be locked up and have tubes shoved up their noses. Wanting to throw up after binging occasionally is pretty normal. Even I get that urge.

 

Oh my dear god this post is just crazy gauis I hope the OP doesn't seriously think its correct to eat and then binge its not! just like over eating for the hell of it is not healthy eater there must be a healthy middle ground.

 

Positive reactions? are you kidding me? so her health is not as important as people socially accepting her? this is nuts im sorry..OP its not normal to binge eat its dangerous its not a diet its the beginnings of a eating disorder..

 

I just cant believe it when people will think nothing of belittling over weight people for their "health" issues yet going the other way and eather being to skinny or being healthy as the op is but having a eating disorder is just dandy! how crazy and shallow have we become?

 

This poor girl is not fat and yet is being told its ok to have a eating disorder cause it will prevent her from becoming fat seriously people that's insane!

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Glinda.Good
Have you ever considered that maybe her mother's attitude is part of what's keeping her as thin as she is in the first place?

 

 

So feeling like garbage, devalued by your mother, and being thin is somehow better than feeling ok about oneself and appreciated by your mother, and maybe a few pounds heavier?

 

Where is the smiley for tearing my hair out.

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