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I don't understand.. What should I do? :(


mørkt selvmord

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mørkt selvmord

Dear Loveshack,

Hello everyone. I have been watching around and I see that some of you all are pretty nice and give great advice. I have an advice forum of my own. Nothing special. I just don't understand how I can give advice for others, but not for myself. I'm a good problem solver and I perfer to do things on my own. But now it's just getting too much. I mean.. I try my hardest but I just can't move on. I hate my life. Life in general. I just want it to end. My mum is a drug addict and my dad is just an @$$hole in general. He did some bad things sexually a in febuary and about a year ago. I've lost all my friends and everyone in my family hates me and I have no f*cking clue why. Both of my parents are alcoholics and I hate it. I've tried getting them to stop but them being drunk they hit me and yell at me or something. I know people have worse off problems than me. I know I shouldn't be complaining. I used to see a psychiatrist but I stopped going because she just pissed me off in general. I always get in fights everywhere I go (im a girl to clear that up). Everyone is always picking on me. Some random person (and I mean f*cking straight out random) came up with the idea that I am a lesbian. My brother told the school that I was pregnant (wow.. i must be magical since i can get pregnant without sex >.<). My brother beats me all the time. I didn't get into volleyball because he messed up my shoulder so bad i couldn't hit the ball. I keep trying in school and I still get good grades, but not as good as they should be. All the boys at my school grab my butt and fondle my boobs and i HATE it. I am starting at a new school this year, but I already have a bad reputation because my 'friend' (she was just using me.. never liked me) told everyone at her school everything that I confided in her with. I just don't understand why people are so mean. I was thinking about asking my Aunt if I can move in with her for the school year and start out fresh, but I'm telling you right now it's going to be a no. So therefore I am stuck here. Care is REALLY bad.. i can't go there. The agency is on my back so one more wrong thing they find about i get dragged (literally) away for. I resulted myself to cutting a few weeks back (my arm.. not wrist) but that just made me feel worse. My family makes it so clear that they hate me. My brother sure as h3ll shows it.. so I don't know why I am even writing list. Everyone is gonna say 'get out of there' and so forth.. well I have tried. I jsut got in trouble. I'm sick most of the time.. throwing up and stuff and I don't know why. I psychiatrist said I had clinical depression. I don't even know what I'm asking for here. But what should I do? anyone have any ideas? I'm pretty sure that I have tried everything. But i may not have.

 

 

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mørkt selvmord
Originally posted by lifeisloveispain

morkt (sorry, I don't know the keyboard combo for that special o)-

 

Thank you. I'm really glad to hear you say that. I agree that putting up my little girl for adoption would be awful - I will love that child no matter what. On that note, it sounds like you have some personal experience with the whole adoption thing, and are confirming my guess that it's hell on a child. Not to get personal or anything, but... everything ok with you? As U2 put it (brilliantly, I might add), "Don't let the bastards get you down."

 

 

 

-lifeisloveispain

 

does it sound like it? =\ :(

 

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also.. my dad said that hed divorce my mum and leave her with nothing if she didnt go to rehab and she wont.. i am like my mum.. a stubborn b*tch. everyone calls me that.. not cool. i have loads of other problems but i shouldnt post them.. ive bugged you all enough.

 

'.. dont let the bastards get you down..''

 

this world has come to a society where no one cars about one another.. all they care about is hurting. goths are sterotypicalized into suicidal little drones that are in cults and stuff.. and that we are bad in general.. well in my eyes.. expressing ourselves by wearing all black is better than blowing up a school or something (id never do that btw)

 

 

 

 

 

 

so if someone could just please help me :( or try at least :(

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You do absolutely need to get out of there. Why do you think your aunt won't let you stay with her? If not her is there anybody else - preferably in another town - that you can go to? You have got way too much stress going on (an understatement if ever there was one!). You can't grow or thrive where you are now. I gather from your name that you don't live in North America? If that's the case, is there any sort of group for youths with alcoholic parents?

 

As for the psychiatrist, getting pissed off is likely what you need - they tend to take you to uncomfortable places so that you can learn how to deal with them and this can be rough. You need to stick it out because it'll be good for you in the long run. If you are clinically depressed, you just can't fix it by yourself. And you sure need a professional on your side. So please consider going back to the shrink for starters. She can then help you figure out how to get out of your rotten situation.

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mørkt selvmord

no.. it's not my aunt.. its my mum and dad. My brother and I haven't been fighting much recently so I asked him if he would mind if I left. He said that he would miss me but he wasn't going to try and stop me because he knows that I need to get out of there. And he knows he's part of the reason. I have some scars from him. He lit some screwdrivers on fire and set them to my skin.

 

I do live in North America. I have grown out well for my age. I am very itelligent. I look older than my own age so that's probably why I get bothered so much. We don't have the money to fly me out there or anything. That's why I couldn't go over summer holiday. I am going to contact my aunt but I don't know if there's anything she could do. My uncle just recently retired from the LAPD. I'm pretty sure they'd let me stay if I ask. They have a guest bedroom thats rather large with furniture and stuff. I would never go hungry like i do over here sometimes. I'm just kind of scared of my parents ractions. :( i know they will NOT like it.

 

i don't know if i said this before but my name is Dark Suicide. mørkt selvmord is norweigen. My baby rat is Norwiegen. He's my baby. :) I love him so much. hes giving me kissies on my arm atm. it tickles. lol

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How close to 18 are you? Do you have a job? I would suggest working evenings after school to get out of the drama at home. Also, you definitely need to get back into therapy. Sounds like foster care would be better than being at home. Also, when you go to the new school, do start fresh. Do not do anything with your appearance that will get you singled out for taunting. Being different and showing individuality is good, but there is something called too much of a good thing. Study hard and focus on school and preparing to move out. Get a scholarship or grant to go to college and live in a dorm. GOOD LUCK and please go see the psyciahtrist again, NOW!

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mørkt selvmord

cant... she moved (the psyciatrist)

 

i am 14

 

no job anymore.. i might for the last two weeks of holiday

 

i am a goth.. we wear all black and stuff so thats about it.. i wear a tie sometimes too.. everyone likes it though.. says its cool and unique bcuz no one else does it

 

i already study well.. my grade point average is straight A's.. or one B (usually in Spanish).. so i still do very high

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I'm just kind of scared of my parents ractions. i know they will NOT like it.

 

Well, tell that to your aunt and uncle. Your uncle should know how to help you get out since he's worked for a police department. You just can't keep living like that. You deserve to have a stable home life. It's to your credit that you get great marks despite all the trouble you have to live with.

 

You said The agency is on my back so one more wrong thing they find about i get dragged (literally) away for

 

What do you mean by that? Is it a child welfare agency?

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mørkt selvmord

im not really sure tbh.. the counsler and psychiatrist where i wen to school called it the agency.. and since i am not in school.. i dont have to talk to anyone about my 'issues'.. im guessing the adoption agency (care) and i will NOT go there.. i just wont.. my friend got beaten in there everyday and i finally found a home for her.. shes happy now.. so that makes me happy for her.. school starts in a couple weeks and im supposed to see the psychiatrist there.. which i probably wont.. ill just ditch.. i dont want to talk to someone who says the same thing over and over and over again everytime i go.. and makes me repeat everything over and over and over again everytime i go.. its annoying.. and i just dont like it

 

 

stupid me :(

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Well, you haven't talked to this psychiatrist, so you don't know that this one will tell you the same thing or ask you the same thing over and over. Besides, maybe the reason the first one did that is that you didn't seem to be understanding what she was trying to tell you.

 

You need help but you need to drop the walls and allow people to help you. You have to also listen, at least, and if you disagree with them, discuss it rather than just ignoring it.

 

As for adoption agencies, if you have relatives willing to take you in, that will be their first choice so the people at the school may also be able to help you go to your aunt's.

 

Not everybody who tries to help you will be perfect, and sometimes they might bug you a bit, but they mean well and sincerely want to help you. Help them to help you out and don't ditch them if they don't do it perfectly. Even adults are human ;)

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mørkt selvmord

usually i get a 'holy sh*t...' at my age

 

i have no choice not to talk to her.. i have to.. ill email my aut and tell her everything that has been going on.. well most.. ill call her and stuff... but im just really scared :( my boyfriend has helped a bit but we will be 10 hours away from each other if i go to my aunts :(

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It will really be wretched being away from your boyfriend, but unless you can find someplace to live in your own town, the good he does for you won't be enough to overcome all the junk in your life, I fear. And, because you guys are still pretty young, the chances he'll be around for your lifetime aren't that good. You need to think of yourself and your own health first. I think if your boyfriend cares a lot about you, he'll understand that you need to do what's best for your own health and safety.

 

It's rotten that stuff like this happens to young folks, but you sound like a very bright young lady who has managed to cope so far. Still, it's an awful lot to have to contend with and it will eventually take its toll on you.

 

Here's a website for Alateen. It's an organization for families and kids of alcoholics.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/alateen.html

 

They have a 20-question quiz to decide whether their program is for you. Give it a looksee.

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mørkt selvmord

he doesnt live near me anyways

 

he said i could live with him but we have problems about that.. long story and im not going to get into this.. its not related. he wants me to go whether i get to talk to him loads or not bcuz hed rather me be safe and happy and farther away rather than miserable closer to him. in some way he sees it as his fault.. though i dont know why :( hes a sweet man

 

 

i said yes to all 20 questions :(

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hes a sweet man

 

And you're a lucky lady to have him, it sounds like.

 

i said yes to all 20 questions

 

Don't be unhappy about it - did you find a branch near you to join? Or can you join an online branch? You'd meet other folks in the same situation as you, which can really help.

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mørkt selvmord

yes.. i am very lucky to have him.. hes great :) i love him :love::)

 

 

yes i have.. and it didnt help me much.. there are no branches near me.. and i got banned from the last one for 'starting' a fight when i didnt. the man had no right to say what he said about me.. i was sticking up for what i believed in.. and of course.. i got in trouble.. and got banned.. and he didnt.. that was a while ago though :(

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