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Sister-in-Law won't let us see the kids


VickyV

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Twenty four years ago, I met my SIL for the first time, she was seemed like a strange bird. She was small, smoked, quite and mostly spoke to my BIL. I had an odd feeling about her. My MIL at the time liked her because she had a curfew, was getting ready to graduate college and came from a respectable family. I started asking others about her and found out that she was a slut, who went around stealing others boyfriends and was truly a bad person. I told my MIL about her and my BIL but, he refused to listen and married her within six weeks of him moving out of town.

 

Over the years, we have been rude to her, including my other SIL who I informed about her before her wedding. She didn't even bother to meet the evil one on her wedding day when she too attended. She wasn't in any hurry too. Over the years, we all have done our best to talk down to her, make her feel uncomfortable by asking her about her past that she can't seem to remember, and done everything possible to let her know that she is not part of the family. None of us have ever picked up the phone and called, emailed her or invited her to anything. We always go though our BIL.

 

Eight years into their marriage they had kids and she treats them terribly. She decided to take a job over an hour away and gets home late. She cusses in front of the kids, hardly ever takes care of them, drinks around them and takes them to bars. I am amazed that my BIL accepts all this and even goes with her. Five years ago, we scheduled a family vacation. She sent him this abusive, mean email about how she didn't want to attend but, sent it to me instead. I forwarded it to everyone else. No one spoke to her all week except to be rude. She is such a Moran that she failed to notice. Also, the first night we were there, one of her kids threw up all over the place and gave everyone strep. At the end of the week, we decided to make a family a photo while she was working so we didn't have to include her. She walked in on her husband and MIL dressing her kids and left the room. He went behind her and she cussed, yelled and screamed at him. I have never heard anyone talk to another like that. We all left. A few minutes later, they showed in outfits that clashed with everyone else's and ruined the photos. The next day, they disappeared until it was time for them to go home.

 

I didn't see or hear from her until I got a FB request. I opened her page, which was in her maiden name and was full of men. I declined the request. We did not hear from her for another year when we saw them at Christmas and she was so rude to everyone. They only stayed 10 minutes and left. At point, my MIL and the rest of us had finally gotten through to him and convinced him to divorce her. He was in process of trying to figure out to do so without having to raise 4 little kids by himself. He was coming up more to visit and she stayed behind and began to take all these overnight trips. She was clearly having an affair and we all knew it. She would not call or text him or even tell him where she was. We knew we would be rid of her soon. We told everyone we knew that she was cheating on him.

 

But. then the oddest thing happened. They decided to work out their marriage. They attend some class and all the sudden, we started seeing less of him and the kids. He never confronted her about the affair but, she told him that she knew he was going to dump her. She was taking the trips so she could find a new job and place to live. He actually believed this since she has always hated where they lived. My MIL tried to talk to him about the affair but, she just magically appeared. Later on, he told what was said and about the rumors we spread. A year later, he confronted my other BIL about it because somehow, she got hold a FB post between me and the other SIL talking about it. He said they were past that now.

 

Now, she has changed her phone number, won't talk to us, let us come down and see the kids, nor do they bring them up very often. She doesn't come when they do. I think she still takes trips but, is in constant contact with him when she does. Recently, we threw a Birthday party for my MIL, they showed up two hours late, stayed in a hotel and didn't bring the kids by. She dropped them off at her parents house. She doesn't have much to do with them either. Hardly spoken to her mother in 3 years. I found out recently, that they ran off and got married 6 months before they had the wedding that we tried to talk him out of two years ago. Just couldn't believe it.

 

So what do we now? They are renewing their vows next year for their 20th anniversary. I thought he was just staying with her because of the kids but, that no longer seems to be the case. She is nothing but garbage. It just breaks my MIL heart that she doesn't get to see those kids. Unless they divorced there is nothing we can do in our state.

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So what do we now?

 

Well, I think you've done all you could to try to ruin their relationship and it didn't work out for you, so you should just admit defeat and leave them alone now. You could even apologize for all the mean things you've done to her. You weren't very nice to your BIL either so you might as well throw in an apology for him, too.

 

Pretty neat that they're renewing their vows. Congrats to them.

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If any SIL of mine spends 24years putting me down and interfering with my relationship I'd kick her to the curb too.

What a nasty vindictive family, she's well to be rid of you lot!

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It is sad that those kids now lose out on seeing grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins..You all lose out because of your (and other family members) actions of putting her down, talking behind her back, being mean. None of you gave her a chance and got caught up with years worth of drama.

 

Consquences of that is you all lose out on the kids.

 

Tough and painful lesson learned.

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ConstantVoyager

You've been spreading gossip about her and insulting her to her face for 24 years.

 

Enjoy lying in that bed you made.

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unicorn farts

I hope this is a troll post, I'd hate to think there was a family out there so hell-bent on destroying a marriage based on a rumor that a girl stole someone else's boyfriend in college. Jeeeeeeeez. :sick:

 

Kudos to "the evil one" and her husband and kids for breaking such toxic shackles.

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DaisyLeigh1967

This has got to be a joke. But I will play along.

 

If it were me, I would never have anything to do with you and the other inlaw ilk, and my children would never ever see any of you ever again.

 

Who the hell do you think that you are? Their marriage is none of your business. That email you got, you should have just deleted it. No wonder she didn't want to go or have much to do with you. You tried to run her off for 24 ****ing years and you expect to see HER children? In what world do you think it is okay to abuse someone for 24 years. Too bad her husband was a pussy who didn't stand up for her for all of those years.

 

I am glad her husband decided to act like a man and cut you off too. I hope it stays that way. Because you and the trash you are related to would be dead to me. You would be vapor.

 

I hope they get a restraining order. I also hope that someday, you and the other trash get what you deserve.

Edited by DaisyLeigh1967
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This thread isn't a joke. If any of you met her you would agree with me. She has absolutely no female friends and hasn't since I've known her. Her family has nothing to do with her. She didn't even attend her grandmother's funeral because she was at the beach. She tried to go on a girl's trip with her cousins one time and everyone cancelled at the last minute because she was going. When she used to bring her kids around, she wouldn't even change their diapers. She would just pawn them off on all of us and her husband and take off somewhere. She has left her husband with the kids for many weekends while she has taken her weekend trips by herself. She had planned to go to Italy by herself and out of blue cancelled the trip three months before she was supposed to go. Said "she thought it might be dangerous to go by herself", but previously she was all excited about it and didn't seem concerned with safety. Even though they are renewing their vows she is planning on moving 3 hours away from him. She is taking her favorite children and leaving him with oldest and the special needs child. She is mean to those kids. talks about how they ruined her life right in front of them, screams and cusses at them and calls them stupid to their faces. What I was really looking for opinions from others who have sister-in-laws like this to get a perspective on how to keep them from breaking up a family. Maybe once she's moved he will file for divorce. She told him that she doesn't want one. Would stay married so she wouldn't have to fool with dating or players. Yes, she actually said that.

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What I was really looking for opinions from others who have sister-in-laws like this to get a perspective on how to keep them from breaking up a family.

 

Ha.

 

You and your other family members had just as much of a role in breaking up the family, if not more. This is the result of doing "everything possible to let her know that she is not part of the family."

 

Why don't you try apologizing to her?

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This thread isn't a joke. If any of you met her you would agree with me. She has absolutely no female friends and hasn't since I've known her. Her family has nothing to do with her. She didn't even attend her grandmother's funeral because she was at the beach. She tried to go on a girl's trip with her cousins one time and everyone cancelled at the last minute because she was going. When she used to bring her kids around, she wouldn't even change their diapers. She would just pawn them off on all of us and her husband and take off somewhere. She has left her husband with the kids for many weekends while she has taken her weekend trips by herself. She had planned to go to Italy by herself and out of blue cancelled the trip three months before she was supposed to go. Said "she thought it might be dangerous to go by herself", but previously she was all excited about it and didn't seem concerned with safety. Even though they are renewing their vows she is planning on moving 3 hours away from him. She is taking her favorite children and leaving him with oldest and the special needs child. She is mean to those kids. talks about how they ruined her life right in front of them, screams and cusses at them and calls them stupid to their faces. What I was really looking for opinions from others who have sister-in-laws like this to get a perspective on how to keep them from breaking up a family. Maybe once she's moved he will file for divorce. She told him that she doesn't want one. Would stay married so she wouldn't have to fool with dating or players. Yes, she actually said that.

 

The thing you have to understand here is this: They are still HER children!

 

She might be the most horrible mom in the world and it doesn't change a thing.

My step sister is a horrible mom and uses her children as leverage, but unfortunately, that's her prerogative.

 

You and the rest of your family have done your best to drive your SIL and now you've succeeded! CONGRATS! What you weren't counting on was her taking the kids with her. That's too bad.

 

All in all, I'd say you're reaping what you sowed. It's well deserved. If I'd had gotten 24 years of abuse from you and your family (deserved or not), I would have taken my children away a long time ago!!!

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unicorn farts
This thread isn't a joke. If any of you met her you would agree with me. She has absolutely no female friends and hasn't since I've known her. Her family has nothing to do with her. She didn't even attend her grandmother's funeral because she was at the beach. She tried to go on a girl's trip with her cousins one time and everyone cancelled at the last minute because she was going. When she used to bring her kids around, she wouldn't even change their diapers. She would just pawn them off on all of us and her husband and take off somewhere. She has left her husband with the kids for many weekends while she has taken her weekend trips by herself. She had planned to go to Italy by herself and out of blue cancelled the trip three months before she was supposed to go. Said "she thought it might be dangerous to go by herself", but previously she was all excited about it and didn't seem concerned with safety. Even though they are renewing their vows she is planning on moving 3 hours away from him. She is taking her favorite children and leaving him with oldest and the special needs child. She is mean to those kids. talks about how they ruined her life right in front of them, screams and cusses at them and calls them stupid to their faces. What I was really looking for opinions from others who have sister-in-laws like this to get a perspective on how to keep them from breaking up a family. Maybe once she's moved he will file for divorce. She told him that she doesn't want one. Would stay married so she wouldn't have to fool with dating or players. Yes, she actually said that.

 

"Breaking up a family"? She was never part of your family. YOU broke up your family a long time ago. I'm surprised she let you see the kids for as long as she did.

 

Maybe they will seek out a relationship with you once they're adults, but I doubt it. I wouldn't want to be around someone who would treat my mother so terribly. Repulsive.

 

Still believe this is a troll thread, tho.

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Over the years, we have been rude to her, including my other SIL who I informed about her before her wedding. Over the years, we all have done our best to talk down to her, make her feel uncomfortable by asking her about her past that she can't seem to remember, and done everything possible to let her know that she is not part of the family. None of us have ever picked up the phone and called, emailed her or invited her to anything. We always go though our BIL.

 

But. then the oddest thing happened. They decided to work out their marriage.

 

A year later, he confronted my other BIL about it because somehow, she got hold a FB post between me and the other SIL talking about it. He said they were past that now.

 

Now, she has changed her phone number, won't talk to us, let us come down and see the kids

 

So what do we now? She is nothing but garbage. It just breaks my MIL heart that she doesn't get to see those kids. Unless they divorced there is nothing we can do in our state.

 

Wow. I can't believe you have the gall to complain that SHE is doing something wrong, after what YOU have done. What do you do? Hopefully stay the hell away from your brother and his family so they can live in peace.

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What I was really looking for opinions from others who have sister-in-laws like this to get a perspective on how to keep them from breaking up a family.
Who, again, is the one breaking up a family? pot - kettle - black, much?
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DaisyLeigh1967

This thread isn't a joke. If any of you met her you would agree with me.

 

Doesn't matter if I agreed or not. It is not your place to do the bull**** you have done.You don't **** with someone's family.

 

 

 

She has absolutely no female friends and hasn't since I've known her.

 

How do you know? My ILS have no idea who my friends are. Not their concern.

 

 

Her family has nothing to do with her.

 

Maybe they are *******s like you and your disgusting excuse for a family are.

 

 

She didn't even attend her grandmother's funeral because she was at the beach.

 

Again, none of your concern. You don't know the reason.

 

She tried to go on a girl's trip with her cousins one time and everyone cancelled at the last minute because she was going.

 

How do you know all of her personal business? Don't you have a life? And why would you give a ****? Perhaps some counseling and a hobby might help?

 

When she used to bring her kids around, she wouldn't even change their diapers.

 

Why couldn't their father change their diapers? Will his nuts fall off if he does?

 

She would just pawn them off on all of us and her husband and take off somewhere.

 

"No" is a complete sentence. She and HER HUSBAND could not have "pawned" them off on you without your consent.

 

She has left her husband with the kids for many weekends while she has taken her weekend trips by herself.

 

So? I have taken short trips by myself and I am one hell of an involved parent.Again, none of your business. What? Is it going to kill the father to parent his own kids alone? Again, will his nuts fall off?

 

 

 

She had planned to go to Italy by herself and out of blue cancelled the trip three months before she was supposed to go. Said "she thought it might be dangerous to go by herself", but previously she was all excited about it and didn't seem concerned with safety.

 

Too bad she didn't get to take her trip. Again, none of your business? Are you jealous? You sure sound like it.

 

Even though they are renewing their vows she is planning on moving 3 hours away from him. She is taking her favorite children and leaving him with oldest and the special needs child.

 

But if HE left her with all of the kids, that would be okay? I mean, he is a MAN, right? Maybe this is the best for the family. Again, none of your business.

She is mean to those kids. talks about how they ruined her life right in front of them, screams and cusses at them and calls them stupid to their faces.

Have you seen this for yourself?While I don't agree with cussing or talking like that, have you ever been a parent of a special needs child? I mean, especially since her husband has basically whined and bitched about her and made her be around *******s who hate her, maybe she really needs help? Ever offer to help? Nope. Too busy trying to run her out of town on a rail.

 

 

What I was really looking for opinions from others who have sister-in-laws like this to get a perspective on how to keep them from breaking up a family.

 

Well **** lady. You are the EXPERT at breaking up a family or at least an expert in treating people like ****. I have some ****ty inlaws, but I don't try to break up their marriages. None of my business.

 

Maybe once she's moved he will file for divorce. She told him that she doesn't want one. Would stay married so she wouldn't have to fool with dating or players. Yes, she actually said that.

 

So? Why do you care? It is his business if he stays. None of your business. If anything, she might be staying with his weak ass because of the kids.

Please get a hobby and some intense psychotherapy.

 

Also, how do you know he has not abused her? I mean, apples don't fall far from trees and all. OF course you wouldn't care if he did and in fact would likely get great amusement and sick satisfaction if he abused her. Sadistic ****.

Edited by DaisyLeigh1967
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Regardless if they get a divorce or not, she is still the mother of those kids. You will still have to have a civil relationship with her on some level if you want to be a part of those kids lives.

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Such a shame. If you were any sort of decent and kind family, you could have reached your hand out and made a positive impact on her life and the kids would have benefited. Instead you sowed discord and got cut out.

 

You all got no more and no less than you deserved. Thank goodness my in laws are wonderful people and would NEVER treat someone (no matter WHAT the excuse) with such disrespect. I feel sorry for those kids. They, too, deserved better than the lot of you. :(

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The problem is that it wasn't up to you or any other family member to do what you did. If her husband accepted her and was happy, then so be it. I find it amazing that every household in every neighborhood from one end of the country to the other has their own set of problems to deal with and yet find time to horn in on someone else's.

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Has it occurred to you that part of the reason she may be rude to her own kids is that the life she ended up with - with you guys for in-laws - has made her life so miserable?

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dreamingoftigers

My mother's family tried to force my father out for a time.

 

He's such an ornery bastard that it was game-set-match from Day One and they didn't have half of a rat's ass of a chance to get rid of him.

 

However, they did succeed in completely alienating my mother and furthermore her children until I was in my 20s.

 

I think what they did was wholly inappropriate and was even damaging to ME as a child. Not AS MUCH as my father but it did contribute.

 

Because after my parents were alienated from the family, my father became the sole emotional support for my mother and she for him. My father couldn't emotionally support a sneeze. I can see that he had a very messed up childhood and diagnosable mental issues now. But I'm 31 now.

 

As a kid, it made things even more unbearable to have my grandmother, who was my primary caregiver, all but vanish when I was seven, leaving me with the "crazies."

 

Perhaps if my mother's family hadn't been so damned divisive and judgmental, my mother never would've become so dependent on him and he wouldn't have held this sense of "absolute rule" over the house.

 

Ironically, my father's insecurities and threats of control held out for another few decades and he blatantly did the same thing to my husband early on. Again, leaving me with no outside supports even when things DID get entirely out of hand. So resentful my father was of my choice to marry my husband that he would allow me to stay over for a couple of nights after my home was broken into. Nor would he allow my husband on his property for Thanksgiving Dinner. Pretty much ever. In fact, we came out from our home 4.5 hours away for Thanksgiving and then when we got to my parents my father said "I didn't invite BOTH of you. Just her." My mother decided a compromise was in order and that I could "take [my husband] out a plate of leftovers when we were done eating."

 

We left. I am very disgusted by their actions to this day. We were newly married and he didn't deserve that.

 

That being said, what's done, is done.

 

Over the last couple of years they have come to accept that my daughter loves her father and won't be without him. In fact, they even invited my husband to my father's birthday party last month when I was away working and apparently they weren't insufferable asswholes. It only took eight years. :rolleyes:

 

This family makes my family look like a goddamn picnic.

I would NEVER expose my child to this level of dysfunction.

Even my own parents had the sense to never call-out my husband in front of my daughter. Never to expose my child to their pettiness no matter how damned entitled and judgmental they felt about him. Even after my father encouraged me to "ditch the loser."

 

After 24 years if your bullshyte you still haven't figured it out, eh?

 

Unbelievable.

 

Let me break it down for you in teeny tiny pieces.

 

You didn't just outright insult, gossip, blade, snub and abuse your sister-in-law no matter how "evil" she is. You outright did the same to your brother. You tried to control who he married, manipulate the family to treat his wife like the garbage you felt she was. You showed no sense of welcoming your BROTHER'S CHOICE to the family. You bitched wild in front of her children about her (don't even try to pretend for 20 seconds that didn't happen you cow. Even my grandparents did that to me and they had ten times the class you demonstrated in your opening post). You've done nothing but read the worst into her for 24 years and spread vicious LIES. Which are LIES because you don't know for sure that any of this "affair" stuff is 100% true.

 

If I were your BROTHER, after TWENTY FOUR years I would see your actions as nothing but HATEFUL, DISRESPECTFUL AND CONTROLLING OF ME.

 

Because clearly you don't trust him to

 

1. Find an appropriate mate

2. Raise his own children

3. Maintain his own marriage

4. Figure out whether or not to trust his wife or direct his finances to out of town trips.

 

And _I_ would not be able to trust _YOU_ with any of my personal life or marital concerns because you are a back biter who aligns the family against my mate.

 

This is probably one of the few threads on Loveshack that actually makes my father look like a Top Tier Family Man.

 

Read some of my other posts about him to follow his example.

Not because he's "the greatest" at family life but because if you try REALLY HARD, maybe ONE DAY, and YEARS of therapy, you can become as likeable and tolerable as my NPD father. (And I mean from the early year of my marriage. when he was really an indignant windbag). I wouldn't expect much more from someone who wrote that opening post.

 

Here's to another 24 years of their marriage.

Keep on hatin' it really seems to keep them afloat.

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I wish WHITE OUT could be used to cure such vindictiveness, I'd pour some on these family members and cleanse their souls. Genuinely disappointed that such exist and continue to contaminate the next generation.

 

THE SIL certainly didn't deserve the libel/slander being conveyed.

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maybe if you did give out a helping hand, tried to get close to her and establish a relationship instead of been so hurtful, things would be different. There is always 3 sides to EVERY story, yours, mines, theirs. Although thats what you believe you dont really know exactly what goes on in their marriage behind closed doors. There is nothing wrong with taking trips on her own, maybe it is her way of mommy alone time after all kids are a handful, and he supports it. My friend does it and she goes alone and her husband supports her by looking after the children so she can relax and she isnt cheating its not a big deal, i think you might be jumping to conclusions or you are just trying to find something ANYTHING really to finally ruin their marriage for good and be able to finally after 20 something years of their marriage say SEEE I TOLD YOU SO!!! pretty childish dont you think?

 

How about you leave them alone, just let them be worry about your own marriage and your own issues. Their marriage, their kids are NOT your problem.

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HokeyReligions

Good God. If I had inlaws like you and your clique I wouldn't let you near my kids. You started gossiping and building a web of hatred toward her before they were even married instead of accepting and supporting her and trying to show her what a loving family is. Its no wonder she continued down such a destructive path. You sound no better than her. In fact you sound worse.

 

You certainly helped to maks this situation. Now you have to live with it. Good luck with that.

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