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My sister moved in & its already driving me crazy


Summerslam

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I'm a 24 year old male & my sister is 21, I allowed her to move in until she gets on her feet.

 

- I knew she was flaky so I got her into 3 job interviews, she missed them.

- She took alcohol from my fridge to party & she did not ask for permission.

- She re-decorated my place & made it more "girly"...again without permission.

- I woke up in the morning the next day & there was some guy eating my food & wearing my favorite T-Shirt...so I kicked him out.

 

That was all in the span of approximately 24 hours.

 

She's a good person, but ever since our parents divorce she has been...well, a slut, & I was too up until recently so I understand her, but waking up & seeing a guy in my place the very first day she moved in was not ideal, I know he's not her boyfriend because she doesn't really do relationships.

 

I talked to her & she tried to dodge everything, she offered to fix me up with one of her hot friends & I told her its not gonna work anymore (she used to do that a lot when I was pissed & it always worked, her friends look like models), & she said she'll look for a job herself...etc, basically dodging everything.

 

Not to mention my GF is freaking out already, I'm really not into having more drama in my life.

 

I really don't know what to do. I'd rather not talk to my friends about her since every time I talk about her they get sweaty & I know they're into her, so I'd rather things not get awkward.

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Surely you're smart enough to have anticipated her behavior. That being said, it's your house, your rules. Write up a roommate contract, with rules, have her sign it. Eviction seems to be in her future. She's an adult and you're now cast in the role of parent. She's obviously not grateful and has no fear of being homeless.

 

Sounds stressful and confrontational. Dragging home strangers is dangerous, I'm wondering if your GF lives w you!

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Surely you're smart enough to have anticipated her behavior. That being said, it's your house, your rules. Write up a roommate contract, with rules, have her sign it. Eviction seems to be in her future. She's an adult and you're now cast in the role of parent. She's obviously not grateful and has no fear of being homeless.

 

Agreed.

 

Make some house rules, put a lock on your bedroom door and move all your easily-transportable valuables in there. And you tell her that if she breaks a single rule, you won't hesitate to throw her ass out on the street. She needs to understand that this isn't a fun-time roomie situation, that she is a guest in your home, and that you're providing her a place to live so that she can get back on her feet, not so that she can live a carefree lifestyle with no responsibilities.

 

Is she paying you rent? If she is, it changes things. You'd have to treat her more like a tenant. But if she's living rent free, you are absolutely within your right to make rules. I agree with the previous poster. Make her sign them. You might feel a little uncomfortable doing this, but it will make things easier in the long run.

 

If you have it all there in writing with her signature at the bottom showing she agrees, it removes the possibility of there being "misunderstandings" where she says, "Oh, I didn't realize I couldn't drink your alcohol and then let a guy you don't know spend the night and wear your clothes." Or whatever.

 

And if it comes down to it, you can point to Rule #4 and say, "This is why you have to pack your bags and be gone by the time I get home from work tomorrow."

 

She's proven that she has a propensity to treat your home as her own personal kingdom. It's not going to get better unless you put your foot down.

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I'm not comfortable with making a contract, she is my sister & not some random person.

 

I guess more details are needed.

 

My GF doesn't live with me, I have a one bedroom apartment but my dad gave me money to rent a new two bedroom apartment, my GF is freaking out cause we were discussing moving in together, & now she says that she's fine moving in even with my sister around.

 

I can't really tell her not to sleep with a stranger every night cause I was exactly like that until recently, so it would be hypocritical of me to do that, but I did tell her that I don't want them in my place, she caved in after protesting for a while.

 

Another problem is that she still hasn't been to a single job interview, my dad has been giving her money so I guess she has no incentive to.

 

She's also been showing up at my workplace to bring in lunch, that's not a problem in of itself, but every single male at my job eyeballing her & then trying to be friends with me is not something that I want.

 

I guess things have been better, but she still needs a job. Financially, things are better cause my dad offered to pay the rent every month as long as she stays with me, so there are positives, but I still feel like she'll never learn anything as long as dad is giving her everything she wants.

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I have to say I feel misled. In your OP, you portrayed the situation as:

 

I allowed her to move in until she gets on her feet.

 

But the reality is:

 

my dad has been giving her money

 

my dad gave me money to rent a new two bedroom apartment

 

my dad offered to pay the rent every month as long as she stays with me, so there are positives

 

Is your dad paying the full amount of rent, or just her half? Either way, she's your roommate, not someone you're trying to help get back on their feet. It is a fun-time roomie situation. She should get to redecorate, have overnight guests, and flake out on job interviews that you get her. You have no authority over her and she probably doesn't want to listen to you.

 

Did someone assign you the duty of "looking out for her" or whatever? Like your parents? Or are you taking it upon yourself to get her life on track?

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I have to say I feel misled. In your OP, you portrayed the situation as:

 

 

 

But the reality is:

 

 

 

Is your dad paying the full amount of rent, or just her half? Either way, she's your roommate, not someone you're trying to help get back on their feet. It is a fun-time roomie situation. She should get to redecorate, have overnight guests, and flake out on job interviews that you get her. You have no authority over her and she probably doesn't want to listen to you.

 

Did someone assign you the duty of "looking out for her" or whatever? Like your parents? Or are you taking it upon yourself to get her life on track?

 

I wasn't really misleading you, the situation just changed since then, the full details are:

 

- I was asked to allow her to move in, no rent or anything.

- I told my dad that I live in a one bedroom apartment.

- He offered to pay for the security deposit for the new apartment & half the rent.

- A while later he offered to pay the full rent if I "look after her". (Not that I wouldn't have if he didn't offer to pay the full rent)

 

All the stuff she did that I mentioned in my original post happened in the first day before the new arrangement.

 

Now I'm thinking I'm way over my head, I'm the person she probably listens to the most & even I can't get her to do anything. Not to mention the fact that we'll be living in a one bedroom apartment for at least a month.

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use tough love on her, she looks like she needs it. And use boundaries to protect yourself, your life, from her presence, which so far only brought you trouble.

 

Here's my idea: make a timeline with milestone

NO.1 - She has one week to get interviews. No interviews? Dad needs to know, she should have no more cash to spend.

NO 2.- She has two weeks to get a job. No job? She should be out, living with your dad or your dad should be paying her for a separate apartment. I bet dad will be very reactive to that treatment.

NO. 3 - with or without a job, she should not be living with you more than one month. That is helping her out. It has a clear, specified duration in time. She needs to have pressure and know she'll be in the street, unless she moves her arse and becomes independent..

 

I am sorry, it looks to me like both of them push you around to have their way:

- your dad is paying his way out of his responsibilities and using you to do his job - keep an eye on her, educate her.

- she is using you to live her life exactly as she wants. It is irrelevant how you were living your life before, because you had earned your independence, you were paying for your stuff and had a job. she is living with you, so no, she cannot enjoy the same freedom, because she's not paying for anything or putting in any effort. or showing any respect. More, she is trying to manipulate you into bribing you with her gfs, when you already have a gf. Can she be anymore disrespectful?

 

Family is important, but you need to learn to put yourself first. You have your own life, you have a gf and you have plans, plans that include moving in with her. That is a pretty serious thing. I can assure you that moving in with your gf and your lil sis is a receipt for disaster. I've done it, when my lil sis was in med school and I liked her bf who was visiting. If you were to take only one advice from me, do not, under any form, make plans that include your lil sis long term in your apartment. Your dad will be more than happy, because she'll be out of his hair and she'll be even happier because it would mean an even longer free ride.

 

Your lil sis also seems to be a bit of a flirt who enjoys the attention. She should be focusing on getting her shyte together and not all that male attention. Nothing you can do about that, it's her life, thus her decisions but set boundaries so that they do not affect your life.

 

Best of luck

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I'm just envisioning the "Sheldon" agreement. Too funny!

 

Since the OP has a separate set of standards of living responsibly Its important to lay the foundation. Sometimes Actions speak louder then words. So I'd suggest taking action ....Remove her "decorating" schematics, Show her the lease agreement and have her read it entirely. When she arrives at your workplace, kindly walk her to the door and tell her to spend her time seeking employment. She'll get the message. Her behavior lacks regard for the opportunity she has been given. Definitely set a reasonable goal for her to stabilize her life. Is there a reason your parents won't take her in? I get the divorced dynamics just don't understand how you are accountable for her?

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I wasn't really misleading you, the situation just changed since then

 

All right. Sorry I misunderstood.

 

- A while later he offered to pay the full rent if I "look after her". (Not that I wouldn't have if he didn't offer to pay the full rent)

 

Ergh. I can see this going so badly. I think you should really think hard about this before you take the deal. Make sure you have a good idea of what "looking after her" would entail, and if you think you could perform that responsibility, or if you'd even want to.

 

You really have no power to tell her what to do. She'll be an equal roommate. You can't throw her out, you can't even make that many house rules. Actually, you're almost at a disadvantage, because she's the reason that your half of the rent is being paid for. It would be pretty easy to use that against you in an argument over who should do the dishes, if one were so inclined.

 

Or maybe your dad might have said it in a fatherly "Hey, look out for your kid sister" kind of way, and you're not really expected to actually do anything. If that's the case, you don't have to worry about her. Then your only problem will be living with a bad roommate for the next six months to a year!

 

Have things gotten better since that first day?

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NO.1 - She has one week to get interviews. No interviews? Dad needs to know, she should have no more cash to spend.

 

I doubt he'd stop giving her money.

 

NO 2.- She has two weeks to get a job. No job? She should be out, living with your dad or your dad should be paying her for a separate apartment. I bet dad will be very reactive to that treatment.

 

I think telling him that I won't let her stay to take care of her might make him do something, I don't think he wants her alone AT ALL. But I'm not a fan of giving her an ultimatum, & she's been kinda looking up to me so I don't want to be cold to her.

 

NO. 3 - with or without a job, she should not be living with you more than one month. That is helping her out. It has a clear, specified duration in time. She needs to have pressure and know she'll be in the street, unless she moves her arse and becomes independent..

 

I think around six month is more realistic, I doubt she's anywhere near ready to be living alone at this point.

 

- your dad is paying his way out of his responsibilities and using you to do his job - keep an eye on her, educate her.

 

I don't think he minds having her with him, she just wants to live in the city.

 

- she is using you to live her life exactly as she wants. It is irrelevant how you were living your life before, because you had earned your independence, you were paying for your stuff and had a job. she is living with you, so no, she cannot enjoy the same freedom, because she's not paying for anything or putting in any effort. or showing any respect. More, she is trying to manipulate you into bribing you with her gfs, when you already have a gf. Can she be anymore disrespectful?

 

Yeah I told her off on that, she still doesn't believe that I'm "different", I don't think I'm different either, but I'm in a relationship & I abandoned sleeping around while in a relationship a long time ago.

 

Your lil sis also seems to be a bit of a flirt who enjoys the attention. She should be focusing on getting her shyte together and not all that male attention. Nothing you can do about that, it's her life, thus her decisions but set boundaries so that they do not affect your life.

 

She uses her looks to get what she wants, while I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with that, she needs to find other ways to get what she wants.

 

I'm just envisioning the "Sheldon" agreement. Too funny!

 

Since the OP has a separate set of standards of living responsibly Its important to lay the foundation. Sometimes Actions speak louder then words. So I'd suggest taking action ....Remove her "decorating" schematics, Show her the lease agreement and have her read it entirely. When she arrives at your workplace, kindly walk her to the door and tell her to spend her time seeking employment. She'll get the message. Her behavior lacks regard for the opportunity she has been given. Definitely set a reasonable goal for her to stabilize her life. Is there a reason your parents won't take her in? I get the divorced dynamics just don't understand how you are accountable for her?

 

She wants to live where I live, & she doesn't like living alone.

 

All right. Sorry I misunderstood.

 

 

 

Ergh. I can see this going so badly. I think you should really think hard about this before you take the deal. Make sure you have a good idea of what "looking after her" would entail, and if you think you could perform that responsibility, or if you'd even want to.

 

You really have no power to tell her what to do. She'll be an equal roommate. You can't throw her out, you can't even make that many house rules. Actually, you're almost at a disadvantage, because she's the reason that your half of the rent is being paid for. It would be pretty easy to use that against you in an argument over who should do the dishes, if one were so inclined.

 

Or maybe your dad might have said it in a fatherly "Hey, look out for your kid sister" kind of way, and you're not really expected to actually do anything. If that's the case, you don't have to worry about her. Then your only problem will be living with a bad roommate for the next six months to a year!

 

Have things gotten better since that first day?

 

She's not a bad roommate, she's been doing all the house work by herself, but its the other things that are bugging me, although things have gotten MUCH better, she's still too "flirty" when my friends are around, while I doubt that she'd be making moves on my friends (or them making moves on her) because I've established that it's a no-no a long time ago, it still makes me uncomfortable.

 

I guess everything else is okay except for her not looking for a job, but another thing I've noticed is that my GF has been acting possessive when my sister is around, & tries to top whatever my sister does, which is creeping me out since its my sister & not an ex-girlfriend.

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another thing I've noticed is that my GF has been acting possessive when my sister is around, & tries to top whatever my sister does,

 

That's pretty weird. Want to elaborate?

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That's pretty weird. Want to elaborate?

 

She sits on my lap a lot when my sister is around, she once brought lunch to my workplace, her way of saying "I can do that too", & her mannerism in general. Right now its just a big WTF & its really creeping me out.

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SincereOnlineGuy

 

- I knew she was flaky so I got her into 3 job interviews

 

 

 

Why not rewind your entire thought process back to square one, and then approach it logically on the second run-through.

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She sits on my lap a lot when my sister is around, she once brought lunch to my workplace, her way of saying "I can do that too", & her mannerism in general. Right now its just a big WTF & its really creeping me out.

 

This should be your hint that moving your girlfriend in with you and your sister is a really bad idea.

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