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Can't Live with Family


unluckycat

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I have recently broken an 8 year relationship with my boyfriend and we were recently evicted from where we lived before. I had been with him and his parents after we were evicted (we never told them, they just assumed we had come back home) but could not stay with them, despite them having 2 unused bedrooms and plenty of space. So I had to make the hard decision to move back with my parents.

 

Right when I had told my parents I was moving back in with them, they were moving too. So I had to wait until they moved to their new home. I've been living here for 2 weeks, but I can't live with my parents.

 

I am nearly 30 years old, without a stable job, and have not lived or stayed in much contact with my family for over 10 years, until now. I originally moved 10 years ago because I wanted to start a career and live on my own. I am back because I wanted to regroup and figure things out, so I can move back out again.

 

All my life my parents have struggled with money and alcohol. My mom is depressed because of my dad, and she's the only breadwinner. My dad has anger problems, he drinks too much, and he doesn't work. He has a business but never gets clients. He's picky about working and always has been. He complains about everything.

 

My parents fight every day. They don't care who in the neighborhood hears them. My dad seems to be going crazy lately too, and he believes everyone is always against him.

 

I have a nearly 30 year old brother, who works every day. And a sister who is 20-something, and she does also. They've been helping to pay for things around here, but both of them also want to save for moving, college, etc.

 

I've been trying to get my brother to move out with me, but he's the type who sits and home and plays games when he's not working. And he always says he wants to move out, but when I try to get serious with him, he comes up with excuses why he can't.

 

My dad will come in when he's drunk and say stupid things to me and my brother (who I have to share a room with). And when my parents are buzzed they keep asking me to help around or tell me things I know they aren't serious about.

 

I am going through a time in my life where I am trying to figure things out, and with constant yelling drunks, fighting, and irresponsible parents with kids helping them pay for things, I need to get out of here. Problem is, I have no one to live with, and I make barely any money. I used to do online sales, but I am trying to do something new, and that's why I have no money right now. I'm afraid they're going to start asking me to pay for things and I cannot support their irresponsibility and feel caged and trapped.

 

My ex-boyfriend, now my friend, is the only person I talk to, but he told me he didn't want to hear anything about what's going on with my family. I know he's frustrated too, but it makes me sad because I feel trapped and lonely with no outlet. So I came here...

 

I really don't know what to do.

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30 with no stable job, okay, but you say "I used to do online sales, but I am trying to do something new, and that's why I have no money right now" so you must go back to sales, until something better comes up, not everybody likes their job, but needs must, or you will live there indefinitely...

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30 with no stable job, okay, but you say "I used to do online sales, but I am trying to do something new, and that's why I have no money right now" so you must go back to sales, until something better comes up, not everybody likes their job, but needs must, or you will live there indefinitely...

 

I can't go back to online sales because I have a queue of work I need to finish first. I do a little, but certainly not the amount I did before. And believe me, I want out, I've been doing this kind of online sales for 10 years and I'm just done with it. If I continue to do this, then I'm back to square one. I can't go into detail because it's very personal, but yeah I need to change what I do, or I will be stuck with it for another 10 years. And that's the last thing I want. What I want to do now is what I should have been doing 10 years ago so I wouldn't be stuck doing something I hate. Just because "not everybody likes their job" doesn't mean I have to do what everybody else does. If that makes me live here indefinitely, so be it, but I'm trying to think of some solutions WITH what I have, not going backwards.

 

I would have more saved up, but I was the one making all the money and paying all the bills in my previous relationship. It built a queue of orders, so I can't get new clients until I finish my backlog. And once I finish it, I was planning on starting something new from there.

 

There was the possibility I could get a normal 9-5 job here, problem is my parents made the dumb mistake of living next to their landlord. I'm not even supposed to be here, or they'll raise the rent, and my parents can barely afford what they have. And it's a ridiculous raise on the rent too. I don't have a car so I'd have to ride the bus every day but if they see me coming in and out of the house, they're gonna raise questions.

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Oh I'm sorry, I thought this was a forum for people to discuss their family problems?

 

I'm really appalled at the maturity level of these posts. I posted here because I thought it would be a good community to find answers and discuss, I'm obviously not here to just complain. Just because everyone else does things this way doesn't mean I have to. If that makes it harder for me, hey, I'm okay with that. So far I've gotten nothing but "this is what society does, deal with it" answers. But maybe those who would have some insight wouldn't be bothered with such a forum. :/

 

My bf's parents didn't like me staying at their home. It wasn't "normal". I wasn't a fiance or a wife, just a girlfriend. That's why I couldn't stay there. Also they didn't give my boyfriend the bigger room, so my bf and I had to squeeze into a tiny room, and both sleep on a twin bed. It drove us a bit crazy.

 

No **** I'm trying to do something about my situation. Wow these are the most obvious answers in the world. So yeah I'm looking into those. WHAT ELSE THAT ISN'T SO OBVIOUS?

 

I do have friends, but most of them are married or still live with their parents. None of them live on their own, otherwise I would ask about roomates. And I am looking outside of where I live, it's cheaper outside this state I'm in, but I would need to do more research.

 

You made a lot of assumptions instead of asking questions. I'm here to find some solutions and discuss, not to hear people preach what I should do.

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Hi unluckycat, I can relate to some extent. I think my husband and I are especially pulling together right now because neither of us has anywhere to go. I grew up in an abusive home, so living with family again will ruin all the effort I have made making amends with them. We were almost kicked out of our apartment as well, so we cannot be late on rent anymore. Both of us are looking for better jobs, because it sucks to struggle financially. I know how it feels when things feel hopeless. You will get through this time. In the meantime, do what you can to take steps to moving out on your own again. If not sales, try another position that will get you on your feet until and bringing in income until you find something better.

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