Step-parents and inheritance

[pink_sugar]

So, lately I've been hearing a lot of cases where when a biological parent dies, the kids get absolutely nothing and the step-parent (spouse) gets everything. I really do not understand it. One of the cases involved a child who just barely turned 18 and the father committed suicide and the son got nothing. You'd think parents would want to leave their children something, even if you don't have a whole lot of money. The stepmother in that scenario got everything...family business and all. What a shame, because the son could have used any inheritance for college or something. I just find it disturbing to say the least. IMO, when you have kids, you want to make sure they are well taken care of...while you are living and after. My husband also got nothing when his mother passed....not even jewelry or family photos...nothing. If something happens to you at a young age...your spouse is more likely to move on to another relationship...your kids are forever. Your marriage is over when you pass. Not to say you shouldn't leave your spouse anything...but you should divide the funds up equally to your spouse and children. At least, I think that is the decent thing to do IMO.

[UpwardForward]

Lucky me. I had already made plans that my children to get all my estate residuals. Had I remarried, I would not marry anyone who didn't have his own home. His offspring to get his estate. My offspring to get what is mine, upon death.

 

Obviously it's not easy if you're a man. I've known of three cases (and All the gorey details), where the man remarried and left a life estate for the bride, or disinherited his children entirely.

 

My only explanation of what's going on in these 2nd, 3rd, 4th marriages: Sex is Everything to a man. Money/assets, or so-called 'Security' - are Everything to these women.

Edited August 5, 2013 by UpwardForward

[darkmoon]

the step poisons the dad's mind, slowly, one derogatory remark becomes an overview, the step picks holes in the in-law in my case, not that she won

[HokeyReligions]

When hubbys dad passed he got nothing. His step mother and her kids got everything. She even sent old family photos from berfore her time to some cousins in another state. She said it was because our kids had passed. Even hubbys old toys and school things were distributed to others. At the funeral she listed her kids first in the program as though they were his kids. We left during the service at the grave site and never spoke to them again. She did at least tell us when he got sick but not until after his dementia was so bad that he didn't recognize his own son.

 

We didn't want money but it would have been decent to have hubby recognized as his dads son and shown some respect.

 

OTOH hubbys step dad passed and his kids have been trying to steal his mom blind. We keep telling her to use what money she has on herself and have offered to help her liquidate some of her assets so she can enjoy what time she has left and to leave the rest to charity. I don't want any of her stuff - though she does have some beautiful jewelry! LOL!

[UpwardForward]

I'm not sure but I believe that a person's spouse is considered "next of kin" so their assets will go directly to the spouse unless otherwise directed in a will or a trust is in place.

 

Many people don't bother to arrange for that.

 

Also, the situation that you describe:

 

 

 

can easily be viewed from the opposite perspective; ie, your children are young and still have their life ahead of them, and should be expected to make something of it. Your spouse, on the other hand, may be getting on and you would not want to imagine them having to lose the life they had as well as their partner in that and try to start over.

 

When I die, I am more concerned that my husband have a cushion than my young adult daughter, and she understands perfectly. Same goes for him with his grown kids.

 

The family photos, etc? If the step parent would not let the adult children have them, they're being a jerk. But it was the responsibility of the deceased parent to arrange for their disbursement after their death.

 

This isn't about the original marriage with the parents of the children. Assets hopefully passing to the children upon the death of both parents.

 

It's concerning the following marriage(s) (step parents) and their apparent opportunist/manipulation of an irresponsible/careless biological parent.

Edited August 6, 2013 by UpwardForward

[UpwardForward]

That's not what it says in the OP. That is talking about the parent "leaving" stuff to either their spouse, the kid(s), or both. What a parent "should" do.

 

Not about a step parent doing anything at all.

 

And in my particular case, my husband and I are both "steps" to one another's adult children, which we each had in our first marriages.

 

I read the OP as speaking of step parents and with the biological child/children getting shut out of the Will.

 

Imo, if a parent goes into a 2nd M (or multiples) w assets, they should allow for their biological children upon their death.

 

Often enough, these 'step parents' even outlive the original biological children.

[pink_sugar]

I think Mme. Chaucer is right. My dad also said that assets automatically pass to the other spouse upon death...biological parent or not. If both your biological parents, it would make sense since assets would pass to you upon the death of both parents. But in a step-parent situation, the bio parent may have to create a living will or trust to ensure their children receive something. Given my husband's experiences with his parents, I'm not too surprised his mom didn't arrange a will (despite being terminally ill for 3+ years) she didn't really make an effort to be too involved in his life when she was alive. So neither of us were too shocked. My husband emailed his step-father to ask if his mother left anything specifically for him. The step-dad's answer was "nothing specific, did you have something in mind?" My husband didn't want to get into inheritance money, so he just named a few things like family photos. Step-dad never responded. No shock there.

Edited August 6, 2013 by pink_sugar

[UpwardForward]

I think Mme. Chaucer is right. My dad also said that assets automatically pass to the other spouse upon death...biological parent or not. If both your biological parents, it would make sense since assets would pass to you upon the death of both parents. But in a step-parent situation, the bio parent may have to create a living will or trust to ensure their children receive something. Given my husband's experiences with his parents, I'm not too surprised his mom didn't arrange a will (despite being terminally ill for 3+ years) she didn't really make an effort to be too involved in his life when she was alive. So neither of us were too shocked. My husband emailed his step-father to ask if his mother left anything specifically for him. The step-dad's answer was "nothing specific, did you have something in mind?" My husband didn't want to get into inheritance money, so he just named a few things like family photos. Step-dad never responded. No shock there.

 

Yes, legally the wife is considered the next of kin.

 

I was speaking from a decency standpoint. I wanted my children and took responsibility from the time they were conceived. Would never forward their rightful inheritance to the next M.

 

I'm not a stranger to this. My H got burned, and in turn he burned his children even worse.

[pink_sugar]

Yes, legally the wife is considered the next of kin.

 

I was speaking from a decency standpoint. I wanted my children and took responsibility from the time they were conceived. Would never forward their rightful inheritance to the next M.

 

I'm not a stranger to this. My H got burned, and in turn he burned his children even worse.

 

Oh ok, yeah, I definitely agree with you. It's already difficult enough losing a parent at such a young age. The least one could do is make sure they are taken care of. My MIL passed one month before my H graduated college...with high student loan interest rates these days, it would have been beneficial to make sure he was off to a good start.

[UpwardForward]

Oh ok, yeah, I definitely agree with you. It's already difficult enough losing a parent at such a young age. The least one could do is make sure they are taken care of. My MIL passed one month before my H graduated college...with high student loan interest rates these days, it would have been beneficial to make sure he was off to a good start.

 

I agree. The children should come before these other adventures, and be the priority.

 

(OW is ripping through her 4th M. A manipulative opportunist. She's gone through much of his late wife's estate as well.)

[pink_sugar]

At the funeral she listed her kids first in the program as though they were his kids. We left during the service at the grave site and never spoke to them again. She did at least tell us when he got sick but not until after his dementia was so bad that he didn't recognize his own son.

 

Oh I know what you mean! My husband was only briefly mentioned in the eulogy, but was not included in any of the photos at the service. There was one large photo of his mom and step-father near her casket, but that's it. They also listed his name very formally in the obituary...first and last and did not include me. (most obituaries include the name of the children and the spouse if married, but not a big deal to me.) Even one of his Uncles thought it unusual that my husband wasn't asked to do anything at the service.

[amaysngrace]

My lawyer had it put in our divorce decree that he carries life insurance. The kids are beneficiaries and I am trustee.

 

I don't think it's for that much though...maybe like $100K but at least it is something.

[UpwardForward]

We were 'guests' at my xH's funeral as well. She had him cremated. Gravestone was full w her name, her kids/grandchild's names - and finally my kids.

 

One of her daughters was dating this cop. He stood up and wailed this song "Don't Cry For Me". A disgusting farce.

[amaysngrace]

We were 'guests' at my xH's funeral as well. She had him cremated. Gravestone was full w her name, her kids/grandchild's names - and finally my kids.

 

One of her daughters was dating this cop. He stood up and wailed this song "Don't Cry For Me". A disgusting farce.

 

At least he is dead :/

[HighheelsAries]

The spouse will inherit the estate. Biodad needs to make specific provisions for his children. Does also depend on the type of relationship they have.

[pureinheart]

So, lately I've been hearing a lot of cases where when a biological parent dies, the kids get absolutely nothing and the step-parent (spouse) gets everything. I really do not understand it. One of the cases involved a child who just barely turned 18 and the father committed suicide and the son got nothing. You'd think parents would want to leave their children something, even if you don't have a whole lot of money. The stepmother in that scenario got everything...family business and all. What a shame, because the son could have used any inheritance for college or something. I just find it disturbing to say the least. IMO, when you have kids, you want to make sure they are well taken care of...while you are living and after. My husband also got nothing when his mother passed....not even jewelry or family photos...nothing. If something happens to you at a young age...your spouse is more likely to move on to another relationship...your kids are forever. Your marriage is over when you pass. Not to say you shouldn't leave your spouse anything...but you should divide the funds up equally to your spouse and children. At least, I think that is the decent thing to do IMO.

 

That is beyond messed up:mad: as for the rest, a big AMEN to your entire post!

[pureinheart]

We were 'guests' at my xH's funeral as well. She had him cremated. Gravestone was full w her name, her kids/grandchild's names - and finally my kids.

 

One of her daughters was dating this cop. He stood up and wailed this song "Don't Cry For Me". A disgusting farce.

 

This disgusts me. My God what in the hell is wrong with people. If I were to marry a man with children and he passed...if he didn't set up a trust, then I would give the kids/grandkids some money and most of his personal items, and ALL of the items before my time in in his life. Most likely would have separate accounts set up already making sure they get something.

 

The ex and his/her kids would damn sure have their rightful place if they wanted it. It's about integrity IMO.

[Radu]

I agree. The children should come before these other adventures, and be the priority.

 

(OW is ripping through her 4th M. A manipulative opportunist. She's gone through much of his late wife's estate as well.)

 

Legally this is the case where i live.

Biological and adopted kids are considered equal in front of the law [stepdad without adoption is not equal to adoption though], and you cannot cut them out of your assets when you die.

For assets gained during marriage, 50% goes to the surviving spouse, and the rest is divided between spouse and children, with spouse getting half of what is left.

When my dad died, my sister and i got 25% of our dad's assets, overall 12.5% of the whole assets.

 

With stuff that dad inherited, the initial 50% is not taken by the surviving spouse [mom].

So, my sister and i had joined 50% of it, while mom got the rest.

 

You cannot cut out the kids under a certain limit, and you are obligated to help your kids up to 26yrs old, when they are supposed to have finished college or be on their way with jobs and house.

This obligation means that you can't kick them out of the house, if they are going to college or are seriously saving for house.

On the other hand, if you as a child refuse to help your sick parent at old age, you can be sued by the parent and forced to do this.

 

PS: You can reduce the ammount of inheritence you leave behind by donation, but it cannot harm the minimum share of the kids.

You can try to 'sell' the property/properties, but it's against the law to not put aside the kids share of the money, and if the deal is suspect, they can go against the 'buyer'.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

Where I live, if you die intestate, the law says spouse gets half and children get half of the estate.

 

But, if you have a will, you don't have to leave anything to anyone you don't want to. Example: My mother did not leave anything to my sister and nephew. (long story)

 

It is totally the fault of the parent if a will is not made and provisions are not made for the kids.

[UpwardForward]

Legally this is the case where i live.

Biological and adopted kids are considered equal in front of the law [stepdad without adoption is not equal to adoption though], and you cannot cut them out of your assets when you die.

For assets gained during marriage, 50% goes to the surviving spouse, and the rest is divided between spouse and children, with spouse getting half of what is left.

When my dad died, my sister and i got 25% of our dad's assets, overall 12.5% of the whole assets.

 

With stuff that dad inherited, the initial 50% is not taken by the surviving spouse [mom].

So, my sister and i had joined 50% of it, while mom got the rest.

 

You cannot cut out the kids under a certain limit, and you are obligated to help your kids up to 26yrs old, when they are supposed to have finished college or be on their way with jobs and house.

This obligation means that you can't kick them out of the house, if they are going to college or are seriously saving for house.

On the other hand, if you as a child refuse to help your sick parent at old age, you can be sued by the parent and forced to do this.

 

PS: You can reduce the ammount of inheritence you leave behind by donation, but it cannot harm the minimum share of the kids.

You can try to 'sell' the property/properties, but it's against the law to not put aside the kids share of the money, and if the deal is suspect, they can go against the 'buyer'.

 

I would agree that all monies should revert to the surviving widow/widower when the orig M, and they have built the estate together. But then upon survivor's death, residuals should go to the children the two have brought into the world.

 

I was speaking of 2nd (or multiple M's) when by chance & opportunity surviving spouse is considered first, excepting by Will.

 

Imo, in the latter situation, many parents are weak and lacking priorities.

[pink_sugar]

Legally this is the case where i live.

Biological and adopted kids are considered equal in front of the law [stepdad without adoption is not equal to adoption though], and you cannot cut them out of your assets when you die.

For assets gained during marriage, 50% goes to the surviving spouse, and the rest is divided between spouse and children, with spouse getting half of what is left.

When my dad died, my sister and i got 25% of our dad's assets, overall 12.5% of the whole assets.

 

With stuff that dad inherited, the initial 50% is not taken by the surviving spouse [mom].

So, my sister and i had joined 50% of it, while mom got the rest.

 

You cannot cut out the kids under a certain limit, and you are obligated to help your kids up to 26yrs old, when they are supposed to have finished college or be on their way with jobs and house.

This obligation means that you can't kick them out of the house, if they are going to college or are seriously saving for house.

On the other hand, if you as a child refuse to help your sick parent at old age, you can be sued by the parent and forced to do this.

 

PS: You can reduce the ammount of inheritence you leave behind by donation, but it cannot harm the minimum share of the kids.

You can try to 'sell' the property/properties, but it's against the law to not put aside the kids share of the money, and if the deal is suspect, they can go against the 'buyer'.

 

Very interesting, indeed!

 

I know my husband's mom and stepfather suffered financial difficulties a few years back, but seemed to be doing okay recently. They managed to put up a $12k for funeral costs and his mother did have a life insurance and 401k. I'm still pretty disgusted she didn't leave him SOMETHING, even if it is just a few priceless momentos because of previous financial issues. I don't mean to sound cold, but my husband had to take unpaid time off of work during this time...which we could not afford due to financial difficulties. To find out he wasn't left anything was a slap, especially being the only child. It's been nearly 3 months since she died and his stepfather hasn't given him any of her belongings. Even if she didn't leave him anything "specific" as the stepfather said, if he really had respect for her, he should pass down a few things to her only child. He is only 54 years old and I'm sure at some point he will be going through her belongings (goodwill-ing stuff) if he hasn't already. He is young enough where he will most likely move on with his life. I'm sure he won't be keeping all her possessions forever. I mean, even my H's grandparents (father's side) gave all their grandchildren momentos when they sold their estate and when his grandfather passed.

Edited August 8, 2013 by pink_sugar

[tbf]

My belief surrounds the parent(s), doing what they wish with their money.

[pink_sugar]

My belief surrounds the parent(s), doing what they wish with their money.

 

I disagree and agree to some extent. Where I live, parents don't even legally have to leave their minor/underage children anything in the event that they pass for their support. Now this is especially where I don't agree. If you choose to bring a child into this world, you are responsible for it...at least until they are 18. If a child is a minor when you die and you have assets (and you're divorced or remarried), I believe a certain portion should automatically to go the other parent for that child's support and rearing. Even otherwise, I believe it is the decent thing to do, unless your child has given very good reason not to be deserving of it. If you want to do whatever you want with your $, great! Don't have children...problem solved.

[tbf]

One of the cases involved a child who just barely turned 18.

 

I disagree and agree to some extent. Where I live, parents don't even legally have to leave their minor/underage children anything in the event that they pass for their support. Now this is especially where I don't agree. If you choose to bring a child into this world, you are responsible for it...at least until they are 18. If a child is a minor when you die and you have assets (and you're divorced or remarried), I believe a certain portion should automatically to go the other parent for that child's support and rearing. Even otherwise, I believe it is the decent thing to do, unless your child has given very good reason not to be deserving of it. If you want to do whatever you want with your $, great! Don't have children...problem solved.

The example provided in the opening post surrounded an 18 year old which differs from your example of a minor. In some jurisdictions like the province of Alberta, an 18 year old is an adult who can drink and vote.

 

Overall, anyone who marries a gold digging step-parent, shouldn't have been a parent in the first place. But that's a theme for a different thread.

 

I do have problems with 18 and over children, believing themselves entitled to a portion of the estate of a deceased parent.

 

My two sons have been taken care of, trusts created for both. Beyond that, I don't feel they're entitled to the rest.

[New User]

So, lately I've been hearing a lot of cases where when a biological parent dies, the kids get absolutely nothing and the step-parent (spouse) gets everything. I really do not understand it. One of the cases involved a child who just barely turned 18 and the father committed suicide and the son got nothing. You'd think parents would want to leave their children something, even if you don't have a whole lot of money. The stepmother in that scenario got everything...family business and all. What a shame, because the son could have used any inheritance for college or something. I just find it disturbing to say the least. IMO, when you have kids, you want to make sure they are well taken care of...while you are living and after. My husband also got nothing when his mother passed....not even jewelry or family photos...nothing. If something happens to you at a young age...your spouse is more likely to move on to another relationship...your kids are forever. Your marriage is over when you pass. Not to say you shouldn't leave your spouse anything...but you should divide the funds up equally to your spouse and children. At least, I think that is the decent thing to do IMO.

 

My father was unexpectedly killed in 2008 and his will left everything to my stepmother. He worked his entire life for what he had and he damn sure earned the right to do with it whatever he pleased-in life or after he passed. This actually caused quite a bit of problems in my marriage. My ex put a lot of pressure on me to demand to see the will. Even though I knew exactly what it said because my father and I had discussed it well over a decade before this. She even wanted me to contact a lawyer and see what I could do about getting what she viewed as my rightful share (which in reality she was viewing as her rightful share). I honestly don't understand the mentality that basically thinks "well, dad died- where's my check?" The things that I'd like to have from him? Another hug. Another dinner together. Another phone call. The only material possession of his that I'd really like is his hammer. It's older than I am and my sister and I built many treehouses and forts with it back in the seventies. There is absolutely no way I will ever ask my stepmother for anything of his though. She's given me some of his things that she thought I'd like- it's now her stuff and she is free to do with it whatever she wants.