ChrisPA5126 Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 How am I supposed to deal with that? I practically have no friends--I find myself turning down every invite because it's either after 6pm, or I have to watch my 15 year old sister, or my mom simply says no--without an explanation. All my life consists of is me working, and studying. It's gotten to a point where I'm looking forward to work everyday. Even when I do get relieved, she's there to pick me up! (I know it's out of a kind gesture, but sometimes its suffocating), and she doesn't let me out! Even when I am allowed to leave, I must be accompanied by my older sister (which I don't mind) but she's a slave to my mom! They're practically best friends! Its nauseating! I want to rebel SO BADLY, but she uses these little threats like cutting off my phone internet or so as a consequence. At this point, I don't care--I also don't want to be kicked out. I'm not going to worship them all my life! I work, and I'm trying to save for a car, hopefully this will earn me some freedom. Ive never done anything to give them a reason to not let me out. Have you ever had this problem? Link to post Share on other sites
athousandquestions Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 Is your family religious? You need to sit down and have a calm talk with them and explain why you want to go out. Explain that you have no friends, show them studies/proof that socializing and having a social life is important to one's wellbeing. Tell them you work, you are responsible, and you don't mind taking care of your sister but you also need time to yourself. Why are you living at home? Can you save up enough to move out? Are you in school? Don't save for a car. Save for your own apartment and move out :S 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 I had the same problem with my parents. They aree very strict and sexist, so as the only daughter, I was expected to stay at home and do chores at all times. I was not allowed to have a social life. If I dated like a normal young person, I was called a whore and my private life would be known to everyone. My mother once gave my then boyfriend's phone number to a family member, so that they could call me at the man's house and harass me. That was the last straw for me. I became severely depressed from being isolated and abused all the time. The best thing I ever did was move out of my parents house. I was very poor and they tried every avenue to dissuade me, but by the time I was 21 I had enough. I will never forget the way my mother tried to give me gifts in order to get me to stay. It was too late by then. I rebelled because I knew if I didn't, I would be a naïve fool who never experienced anything. If you get a car, your mother could possibly try to damage it to curtail your freedom. Take that money and get your own place. Your mother will probably cry and try to shame you to others. Stay strong and tell your mother that you are tired of not having any freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 I agree. Do you live in an area where there is at least decent public transit? Myself and plenty of my friends have lived on our own while using public transit because we couldn't afford cars. It really sounds like your parents want you dependent on them and I'll never understand parents like that. You have a job...perhaps you can find a roommate and take the bus until you can afford your own car? Cars are a big expense and you wouldn't be able to move out of your parents house anytime soon on a part time salary that will go a lot towards maintaining a car. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 Unfortunately, this is something that has to change in YOU. You CAN say no to them and not be struck dead. Try it. Tell them you're going to the mall or a movie, and then make it happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 Either BS them about where you are going or get your own place, share rental or whatever with a bunch of other guys and learn how to pay your own bills. Link to post Share on other sites
Adele0908 Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 My parents were the same way. Overprotective. They think they are protecting you but they are handicapping you. The longer you stay at home, the more they will impede your progress. You have to move out. The only way you could stay is if you had an adult conversation with them about why you need more responsibility. The more they trust you to live your own life, the more responsible and capable you will become. It's scientifically proven, but your folks dont understand that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxinthesnow Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Yeah, my childhood was very similar. They really are pushing you to rebel, and i say, just let it happen. Don't do nothing stupid, don't get yourself in trouble with the law or nothing like that but just take charge. Yes, there will be consequences. They might cut off your internet or your phone. deal with that. they may ground you (ignore that). And if they ever lay a hand on you, punish them for it. There power over you ends the day you realize you can tell them "no". btw how old are you? my trouble really started when i was about 11 and got worse from there up, but i just kept telling myself that i only had a few years left. Are you in a similar situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Foxinthesnow Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I just reread your post and saw that you said you were 19. my advice to you, is put a stop to it now. this has gone way to far and it won't change unless you make it change. You are an adult, you deserve to be treated like one. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Has mum suffered a loss or did something happen to her as a young adult? Do you have any medical concerns? Does she have a life beyond you? There must be a reason for her to be so controlling. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I just reread your post and saw that you said you were 19. my advice to you, is put a stop to it now. this has gone way to far and it won't change unless you make it change. You are an adult, you deserve to be treated like one. Well, in all fairness, OP says he/she still wants the parents' money and support, doesn't want to lose it, in fact. So it's all fine and good to say demand your freedom, but as long as you have a hand out for their help, in THEIR house, there is only so much 'freedom' you can demand. Now, if OP wants to move OUT and live their own life on their own terms, go for it. But as long as you're expecting help from your parent, it's pretty much my house my rules. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Well, in all fairness, OP says he/she still wants the parents' money and support, doesn't want to lose it, in fact. So it's all fine and good to say demand your freedom, but as long as you have a hand out for their help, in THEIR house, there is only so much 'freedom' you can demand. Now, if OP wants to move OUT and live their own life on their own terms, go for it. But as long as you're expecting help from your parent, it's pretty much my house my rules. This is true, even if you're living on your own. Your parents will have certain expectations if they are still helping you out financially. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxinthesnow Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 Well, in all fairness, OP says he/she still wants the parents' money and support, doesn't want to lose it, in fact. So it's all fine and good to say demand your freedom, but as long as you have a hand out for their help, in THEIR house, there is only so much 'freedom' you can demand. Now, if OP wants to move OUT and live their own life on their own terms, go for it. But as long as you're expecting help from your parent, it's pretty much my house my rules. blah. I assume that the OP was asking about if it would be acceptable to demand respect and independence, which i think that it most certainly is. There are of course consequences of said independence that may come into play. If OP's cell phone is more important than independence, there is really nothing that can be done, so I assumed that phones and such were negotiable. As far as the mom providing financial support, that is more on her than OP. OP is well within her rights to ask for money. Mom is well within her rights to refuse, that is about it. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 I assume that the OP was asking about if it would be acceptable to demand respect and independence, which i think that it most certainly is. You don't DEMAND anything of someone giving you money and a roof over your head and your food. Once you are out of their house, you can EXPECT respect and independence and, if you don't get it, have nothing to do with said person. Link to post Share on other sites
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