opinion Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 OK I have decided to tell my story as I do need help. Trying to sort it out myself is driving me mad. I have an older sister who lives in Singapore and has done since she was 22. I live in London and near our parents who are ageing but are fully alert. My parents paid for me to go to an expensive boarding school whereas my sister went to a comprehensive or state school and messed about. She then had many dead end jobs and there were endless arguments with my parents including her unsuitable boyfriends. She had enough and got married and moved to Singapore but her life has unravelled and her job came to an abrupt end. She virtually had to start from scratch and her husband left her and as she is so bossy and short tempered she has very few friends. In my parents house there are not that many family photos on display as that is just their way. In the large lounge there are just 2 photos of my parents' wedding and me on holiday. If you didn't know you might assume that I am the only child. Anyway a few weeks back big sister visits the family home and is so angry because she is not represented in the family home. There are no photos of her whatsoever; they are in the photo albums and put away. I actually don't like her as she is so jealous of my relationship with my parents. She told them that their faces always light up when I enter the room. Is that my fault. Anyway she caused a scene and stormed out and went to stay with friends, My parents asked me for my opinion. I told them to leave the photos as they are and she is just too insensitive and trying to cause trouble for no reason. If they don't want a photo of her why should they be forced to? It is their home after all. I can't believe that a photo has that much significance? Does it signal that I am the favourite? She seems to think so. I think she should grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 I would be very hurt. Why don't they have photos of both t heir children out? Or no photos at all? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ana0pera Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 A photo does have a lot of significance, maybe not to you, you have a good relationship with your parents, you love them, you know they love you, but the relationship your sister has with you and her parents is very rocky, and I can only imagine she feels like the black sheep of the family. It can be really hard for older children because parents are harder on them most of the time. You are the youngest and most of the time the youngest gets whatever she/he wants. I've seen this many a times in my own, very large, family (I am an only child, I'm talking about among my parent's siblings, and my cousins). I will give you a scenario from my family. My aunt made a photo calendar for our family (her parents, siblings, and nieces/nephews/children) during christmas, with everyone's birthday and pictures of the family. Sounds harmless right? Well it was not. In addition to some family members being underrepresented, the cover photo was of my aunt, her siblings, and my grandparents...but one uncle was missing. This uncle has always been the black sheep for no apparent reason...he is awesome but has loner tendencies and is very sensitive to any sort of judgement...he just doesn't gel well with most of his siblings. Sometimes he will come to our house the day before a holiday so that he can avoid everyone else, but still visit my grandmother. Well he has gotten better about coming to things, and a few days before the calendar was distributed we had a family gathering where we took a picture of ALL my aunts/uncles and grandparents. So when the calendar was handed out, the first thing my aunt said is that the cover photo was going to be reprinted to the new photo with everyone, because she wanted everyone to be included, and that at the time it was being printed, she didn't have a photo with everyone. She really emphasized this to my uncle, who we were all worried would be hurt that he wasn't in the original picture, and I think it was noble of her, given how my uncle has been hurt in the past for not being included in things. There are obviously pictures of her in the house (just in albums) and picture frames are cheap. I would put up a picture. If they're concerned about space maybe they have a picture of both of you? I also think your parents should tell her that they didn't realize that this hurt her so much and apologize. They obviously have a broken relationship, and you have a broken relationship with your sister too, and I am sure all parties are part guilty, but you need to get past that and move on. Someone needs to make the first step to healing, take the high road, and if you and your parents are more stable mentally as you seem to claim in your post, you need to be the ones to do it Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 I can't believe that a photo has that much significance? Does it signal that I am the favourite? She seems to think so. I think she should grow up. I feel very sorry for your sister. She was born into a family where no-one cares about her. Shame 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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