thebeautyinside Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 Few months ago my mum finally got a divorce (after telling me how much she wanted to leave my dad for about 10 years). They didn't have a good marriage so when she finally did get the divorce done, it didn't surprise me at all. My dad has his fair share of faults that contributed to the demise of their marriage. Anyway I'm 23 and very analytical. I usually see through people's lies. Not long before the divorce, I overheard my mum on the phone saying things like "I made a horrible mistake", things that made me think she had sex with other man. There's been other clues that tell me so. She isn't very open to me about sex though she discussed about love and man with me. Few days after the divorce my dad called me to ask if my mum was seeing anybody and I told him no. I decided to "test" my mum and told her dad was asking about it. Her reaction was pretty good. She went "Is that the kind of woman he sees me?" However recently there's been too many things that she's doing that is telling me she is indeed having an affair with this married man. I know this man for the past few years as my mum's good friend. He's been calling her day and night and sometimes my mum asks things like "did you manage to delete (my name off your calling list, duh) before she checks?" "is she home now?" "does she know"... etc.. My mum has even made some personal changes (eg : bra).. I don't need to say further, do I? I'm okay if she is seeing a new man but this is a married man. Should I just turn on a blind eye or confront her about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 I'm okay if she is seeing a new man but this is a married man. Really? You sound pretty controlling to me! Should I just turn on a blind eye or confront her about it? It's none of your busines. Next time your father calls you and asks you tell him it's none of his business either and stay out of it. What is this? Who can control your mother better? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thebeautyinside Posted June 28, 2013 Author Share Posted June 28, 2013 Really? You sound pretty controlling to me! Yes, really, seriously. It's none of your busines. Next time your father calls you and asks you tell him it's none of his business either and stay out of it. What is this? Who can control your mother better? My dad has only asked me that once. I just don't want to see my mum becoming a home-wrecker. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 28, 2013 Share Posted June 28, 2013 Yes, really, seriously. My dad has only asked me that once. I just don't want to see my mum becoming a home-wrecker. It's none of your business. Your mother is an adult, stop controlling her and get off your high horse. Spend more time with your friends or whatever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SuperGeek Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 Your mom is going to do what she wants to do anyway. If your mom decides to make bad choices it's on her and there likely won't be anything you can do about it. Just put it out of your mind, focus on school and let them deal with their relationship. Yes, really, seriously. My dad has only asked me that once. I just don't want to see my mum becoming a home-wrecker. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 (edited) Definitely stay out of your Mother's private life. It is none of your business. And don't tell your Dad ANYTHING about your Mom. The poor woman finally got away from him after years of misery, let her have some privacy, personal freedom, and peace. In other words, a life of her own choosing, free of judgment and harassment from you. I am sure in the long run it will all work out for her as it should. This is how these things all eventually play out. A higher power in is control, not you. Focus on your own life, you are in your prime, enjoy it! All the best to you! Edited July 6, 2013 by Forever Learning Link to post Share on other sites
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 (edited) It is not your father's business so you should not discuss your mother with him anymore. If you are concerned about her, then you should talk to your mother directly. You can tell her about your concerns and worry for her and that you don't want her to make a mistake that will impact her reputation, your relationship with her, and contribute to the demise of a family. She might not agree she is responsible (you can read examples in the OM/OW forum). She might not change. But she will know how you feel about it. Your feelings are your feelings and you are allowed to have them. If you were dating someone and your mother thought it was destructive she would not hesitate to tell you. For all the posters who say this is not your business, I disagree to an extent. Sometimes the consequence of affairs is loss of respect of your children, she may want to know that it has begun. Consequense-Affairs have wide ranging negative impacts... Edited July 6, 2013 by It-is-what-it-is. Spelling Link to post Share on other sites
juicygirl Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Your dad is out of line for putting you in that position. If he wants to know if your mum is seeing someone new he should ask her, then she can tell him it's none of his business anymore. As for you, your mother is a grow woman what she does in her private life is nothing to do with you. Why are you "testing" her? that just sounds messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted July 7, 2013 Share Posted July 7, 2013 OP, most children, adult or not, do have a problem seeing either parent in a sexualised way, so you are not odd in any way regarding that issue! The issue of whether your mum is having an affair is a fair concern but there is little you can do about it. Hopefully mum will find her way. Sounds like she is beginning to get herself back after much misery. You can only live and learn by her successes and mistakes. Keep your mind focused on Uni and your own life and be grateful none of this happened during your formative or teen years. Don't be a mouth piece for your Dad. Often abusive partners try to get kids involved to continue their controlling ways. Not nice. Don't be party to that. Have confidence in your mum that she can make good choices at very least. Although chances are she may fall for the same crap again with this new guy if she has already been acclimatised to crap via her marriage. I hope this isn't the case but be prepared for it. Take care, Eve x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 7, 2013 Share Posted July 7, 2013 She might not agree she is responsible (you can read examples in the OM/OW forum). She might not change. But she will know how you feel about it. Your feelings are your feelings and you are allowed to have them. If you were dating someone and your mother thought it was destructive she would not hesitate to tell you. For all the posters who say this is not your business, I disagree to an extent. Sometimes the consequence of affairs is loss of respect of your children, she may want to know that it has begun. Consequense-Affairs have wide ranging negative impacts... As a child of divorced parents I am strongly of the opinion that children should stay out of it, regardless whether they are adults or not. It is not right psychologically for a child to prop up their parent, regardless of age. Children suffer the consequences of divorce too, the parents should not drag them into it, it was especially wrong of the father to ask the daugther (?) to check on the mother. Loss of respect is less significant in my opinion than everyone's understanding and respecting boundaries. My mother has not made the best dating choices and I gave her my opinion over the years but only when she asked. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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