Karlise13 Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 I am so happy my family is basically cool with it. I have other childfree friends however who have families that give them so much **** for their choices. It's just ridiculous. They tell them they are 'selfish' when in fact, the parents are the selfish ones! It's like 'Give Us Grandchildren even though you hate the thought of parenting little kids' Unbelievable Link to post Share on other sites
JustSoRight Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 I'm not childfree but I know a couple that is and that's all they get from the family. When are you going to give me babies? I tell them when you are ready you will be able to fully enjoy parenting. What's the rush? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 My mother (obviously) has a single child. My grandparents, her parents, give her constant crap about it. She's been accused of everything--from selfish to sinful. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 I've definitely gotten the guilt trip... also because I don't want to get married. Just not that interested. Who knows? Maybe I'll change my mind; not anytime soon though! (I'm in my mid 30s.) My dad actually asked me point blank once, "So, are you ever going to get married and have kids?" Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 My husband and I are childfree. We get grief more from friends than we do family. That's because most of them have children, so I guess the expect us to follow. But as lovely as children are, friends or family are not the ones who have to take care of them 24/7. So if they're giving you grief, don't stress it. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 My friend has 2 kids and she keeps trying to convince my friend and I to have kids as well. We are both not ready for it and want to live a little and have secure jobs before we even think about having kids. After seeing 4 of my friends go through having kids. Not having them till I am about 28, 30 now. Being 24 that is 5, 6 years away. Eek! . Still not sure whether I want kids or not but I have always thought not till later on in life. Even my parents have always said wait till your 30. Lol. . Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Grandparents and elder relatives started to ask me when I was going to get married and have kids when I was 18. But I guess all grandparents are like that. My mom and dad are somewhat expecting me to have children. But I think they'd respect my choices if I ever decided not to have any. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 I'm 30...about to turn 31 at the end of this month...my fiance is 31, about to turn 32 (four days after my birthday). Naturally people wonder, when we will start having kids. I know I want them. But I want to do so much more travel and stuff first. I won't leave it any later than 34-35, because I know the risks increase as you get older. Lucky for us, our parents just sort of joke about wondering when they'll get grandkids, but don't apply any pressure. They sometimes simply caution us not to wait toooo long, for our own sakes. Link to post Share on other sites
smokemamma Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 my family and my husbands family used to give us a hard time about having kids. we got married in 1999 we wanted kids right away,we werent using birth control or anything ,and it seemed everyone we knew were having babies at that time, and i was beginning to go crazy thinking it was something medically wrong with us,and everytime we went home the only thing people wanted to know was when we were going to have kids,i hated it. but in 2001 i finally got pregnant and again in 2003,so we have two now. kids are great dont get me wrong but they drastically change your lives in ways you cant imagine,it will never be about what you want to do anymore its all about the kids now. you know the saying misery loves company, well, thats why people make such a big deal about wondering when someone will have kids,im telling you what people know but they never tell anyone. DONT HAVE KIDS. Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Magic Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 My boyfriend and I have chosen to be child free as well. I am so sick and tired of friends, family and total strangers telling me that we are both greedy because we are not having kids. They say we are selfish and just want to keep all of our money to ourselves. NOT TRUE AT ALL!! The real reason is that my boyfriend of almost 7 years has diabetes and a heart condition. The stress and costs related to his illness are endless. Currently he has been off work since November and has been getting disability which pays only 55%of his earnings, and I am the one that is footing the bill for everything else and we are barely making ends meet. His meds alone are $ 700.00 per month. YES that is what I have been paying and will be paying until May 2005. Just think what would happen if we had a child or even more than one, we could not make it at all, we would be starving, and I tell people this and they say well things would work out in the end. What the hell does that mean??? Lets go out and have two kids and as soon as they are born that everything will come out all perfect, somehow I am not buying it. Anyways just wanted to put in my two cents!! Thats all!!! Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Neither I or my sister are married or have kids. I have a great mom, she has absolutely no problem with never being called grandma. I don't think the maternal instinct is inherent in all women. My boyfriend doesn't want kids, and I think his parents are somewhat disappointed about that. He's a very kind, generous guy, but his lifestyle is a little too migratory for children. Most of my friends from college are settled down and having kids, I don't see them as often because they don't go to lot of concerts anymore. Parenting seems to be a second full time job. I remember reading somewhere that a woman's family thought she was selfish because she didn't want children. She made the point that there are selfish parents, so which is worse? Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 My brothers former in-laws were quite wealthy. They insisted that their daughter and my brother produce grandchildren. They said that they would not give them one penny or leave them anything if they didn't have kids. My SIL was their only daughter, but they had two sons. The two sons married and had kids and are now quite wealthy themselves. They own major stock in Peppridge Farms and they own several chain restaurants around the country. They have children and their wealth was assured. My brother and SIL never had any children. They stayed on good terms with her parents, but they never received a penny. My SIL died of cancer when she was younger than I am now (after being married for over 22 years) and my brother lost everything. Her parents cut off all contact with him after her death. He didn't miss the money and he didn't miss having kids with her. My mother never gave him a hard time about it. Never even questioned or asked if they were going to have kids. Her parents tried to control the situation and didn't. My brother just moved their daughter across the country from them so that they were not a constant influence. If they had shut-up about it, they might have seen their daughter a lot more. (Distance makes for great in-laws!) Link to post Share on other sites
chubachoop Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 Ive actually fallen out with my mum because I havent got kids. Not because I havent got them but because she wants nothing to do with any of us untill we have kids! My brothers have children and my sister is planning to soon. I dont intend having them for at least ten years so my mum acts as if I dont exist. She even thanked my brother for her new daughter (his girlfriend) and rings her every day, knows Im there but doesnt ask how I am. So think yourselves lucky lol Link to post Share on other sites
pixie2004 Posted August 25, 2004 Share Posted August 25, 2004 Parents are so obsessed with grandchildren. My boyfriend's (5 yrs) mother once said - she knows that I'll keep our children away from her... (PS I don't have any children (or we don't anyway) we are not married or plannning to get married soon (i'm only 23) so what's she on about?) Link to post Share on other sites
kidlessand ok Posted September 2, 2004 Share Posted September 2, 2004 When I was younger (18) I wanted to have kids very badly. Wanted 3 by the time I was 21. Now I am 29 and I have no desire to have kids. I can love my neices and nephews as if they were my own and stillbe albe to sleep late on Satrudya monring. Maybe, ina way, I am selfish. My brother has 4 kids so my mother is not needing anymore grandbabies. Who knows, mabe this feeling will change. Right now, it's hard enough getting myself dressed int h emorning never mind dressing someone else. My current boyfriend has a 2 years old daughter and it has really opened my eyes up even more the EXTENT of care that children need. So having her every other weekend may be just enough for me. People tend to have kids becasue it is what is expected of them and not because they REALLY want them. That makes for a sad child. My didn't already had 6 kids by the time I was born. He certainly didn't WANT me and I knew it every day.... Karen Link to post Share on other sites
Author Karlise13 Posted September 11, 2004 Author Share Posted September 11, 2004 I know this is an old thread by now but I hadn't read all these posts and some of these were real eye openers. I can't believe one poster's mother wants nothing to do with her unless she has kids! The nerve! And talk about selfish! Honestly, a lot of this 'when are you gonna have kids' thing IS selfish because: The person who wants to be a grandparent is thinking more about THEIR desires than yours Who has children for unselfish reasons? People have children for a MULTITUDE of selfish reasons; they want to be loved, they want a purpose to their lives, they want to buy cute baby clothes. Who has children to be altruistic? I had a friend who had a baby because she didn't like to work. She figured having a kid would be a good excuse to stay home. That's unselfish???? And I fail to see how wanting to devote myself to a career counseling people on health and nutrition is selfish. JEEZ!!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 I honestly am not ready for kids yet. Not sure if I will be or not. I have the time still to figure it out so I'm not worried. I think right now I feel I'm better off as an Aunt than someone's Mommy. I know I will make a wonderful mother someday, but when I am ready...Not by someone else telling me it's time! My friend has pushed me, bugged me cuz she has kids and always asks my husband and I when we're having kids, 'what ya waiting for' is what she always says!!! I am SOOO tempted to just say, HEY!! Did you EVER think that maybe I CAN'T get pregnant?? Maybe there's a problem??? I mean there could be, I don't know! But I don't think it's fair for anyone to give anyone grief about when the right time is for having kids. Right now I am extremely happy without having any. I don't feel the desire to have one and I don't want that responsibility in my life right now. I have an anxiety disorder I'm dealing with (yes I am doing therapy for it) and getting myself back together- so the last thing I need is to have a child who I can't be there for 100%, its' not fair for him/her or me, let alone my husband. My mom (that's a whole other issue and soon I will do a long post about that one, Need some serious input on that situation...) doesn't ride us like she did before about having kids. I'm 33 and not ready. I don't have to answer to anyone about why! Good idea for a thread though! Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
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