Maddy Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 It really bugs me that there is a double standard when it comes to abusive parents and spouses. When someone has an abusive husband or wife people tell them to leave and save themselves without looking back. But when someone has abusive parents, a lot of people (not everyone) make excuses and say things like "maybe you deserved it" or "that's still your mother or father". That is a very wrong thing to say to someone because they're implying that parents have a free pass to do what they want because we are their property and we have no right to complain.Why is it not OK to talk to your spouse a certain way but it's OK to treat your adult child like crap because you don't like their choices? Why do parents get away with a lot of things just because they are parents? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 If your parents are criticizing you to the point to where it's abusive you shouldn't be around them. Do you still live with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 Most people feel that parents get a free pass, because they created and raised their child. Certainly parents can take more liberties with their children than others, but there needs to be mutual respect for an adult relationship to occur. My mother used to be very harsh and abusive to me. It led to psychiatric and emotional problems for me and keeping my mother at an arms length. Now my mom understands that if she is not polite and pleasant to me, I will not be around her. She is getting old and wants to be closer to her only daughter. I can't be best friends with my mother because I need to protect myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MercuryMorrison1 Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 I know this is off topic and I apologize for steering the thread away like this. But just out of curiosity, How do only have 16 posts on seven year old account? I mean, I by no means have a high post count compared to many people on this site, but damn! You're putting me to shame! Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 Sometimes children label "abuse" things that aren't. Perfect example is my boyfriends eldest daughter who thinks she was mistreated because her father earned less money when she was young versus her much later siblings. She begrudges the younger kids for having cell phones, etc and thinks she should be provided the same even though she is now 25 and should be providing those things herself.... Physical, mental, sexual abuse? That crap is wrong and its not easily forgiven if ever! But sadly, often, kids (who have little sense of reality die to inexperience) classify "abuse" for stuff they are naively jaded for. I agree that your boyfriend's daughter is not a victim of abuse, however I understand why she may feel slighted. Sometimes it can feel like parents love the younger kids more, if there is a huge difference in what they are given. My parents hate the way me and my oldest brothers think the youngest is spoiled. Well, he was. He got someone pregnant while he was in college and living with my parents. My mother raised my niece for the first three years of her life and my parents helped the youngest buy a car. None of the rest of the adult kids had that kind of assistance from my parents. We earned everything on our own. Also, we would have been kicked out if we dared to have a child whilst still living under our parent's roof. It is as if they rewarded my brother's irresponsibility with a car and extra help. All adult children should provide for themselves. It is ridiculous and unfair for one adult child to receive special treatment. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 This is a good topic. I couldn't agree more. What bothers me even more is when abusive parents point out an abusive relationship...like it was okay for them to abuse you...but no one else. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 I know this is off topic and I apologize for steering the thread away like this. But just out of curiosity, How do only have 16 posts on seven year old account? I mean, I by no means have a high post count compared to many people on this site, but damn! You're putting me to shame! Generally, when a member posts a thread, then logs out and doesn't return, it's pretty easy. Since this is more of a general topic, I'll leave it running for now, with the advisory that questions to the thread starter may go unanswered. Carry on. Link to post Share on other sites
happywithlife Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 What gets me even more is that courts tend to downplay abuse if its mental, verbal, or the physical abuse isn't so severe that the child had to visit a doctor due to it! Trust me. I've seen several people leave abusive spouses (male and female) but the abuser still had access to the kids because mental and verbal abuse is just hearsay! And in two of the cases, the abuser admitted to counselors who they were seeing for mental health issues that they did do the things their ex was accusing them of! How is that good for the kids? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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