Overbearing Sister-In-Law

[kittykittykat]

My brother moved to Paris 6 months ago because his wife's mother has end stage cancer. I've been working a weekend job saving up to visit my brother since January of this year. We both don't speak French so my brother will be touring us around. I call my brother to tell him we booked the tickets and hotel. My friend and I are staying for 10 days in October. My brother said his wife said it is not a good time for us to come. She just received news that her mother's cancer spread and I think doesn't have long to live.

 

We are staying in a hotel and we are not expecting his wife to entertain us. My brother said he is not stopping me but if my friend and I are coming, his wife will not be happy. I don't see how we are imposing, my brother will be touring us around, we won't even drop by their house or visit the wife because of her situation. My brother is taking off work to show us around during the day so he can be with his wife during the evenings. A month ago she said it was ok to go, now after she learned we booked tickets she said it is not a good time. I honestly think she doesn't want us to go to Paris. I don't understand how her situation although sad it may be has anything to do with us.

 

Do you think my sister-in-law is being unreasonable for wanting us to cancel our tickets and hotel reservation and losing the money I worked so hard for. I am embarassed my friend is involved in this mess as she had to bend over backward to juggle her schedule.

[KyRose]

I don't think she is unreasonable. Her mother is dying. Your brother's place is with her, not touring you around France.

 

How would you feel if your mother were dying and your husband decided it was better to take off and tour his sister and her friend rather than being there for you?

 

My mother just died in February and let me tell you, cancer is one evil thing. It is heart wrenching to see the patient suffer. And I would have never forgiven my husband had he went to play tour guide to someone while I was dealing with my dying mom, and our children, plus all else that goes along with it.

 

You seem very selfish. If you must go, find another guide.

[kittykittykat]

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

I figure, if my own brother (who is MY family) doesn't object to us going, then he is who I will listen to.

 

My brother agreed to show us around our first few days to get our feet on the ground and the rest of our stay will be left to our own devices. All I'm asking is for 2-3 days from him. If his wife needs something, my brother won't be far away

[HokeyReligions]

I understand you spent money and planned and are looking forward to enjoying yourselves. But ill bet your btothers wife and her mom had lots of plans too and were looking forward to more shared time as well. Too bad she can't reschedule her death. She/they probably spent a lot of non refundable money on health care in the hope for a future.

 

Just knowing you are there is putting stress on your brother and his wife and their family plus putting your brother in the middle. I've been on both sides of similar situations. Reschedule. You can get refunds or partial refunds from airlines and hotels when you explain the situation and if/when the time comes provide a death certificate which you can get from your brother later. The reason I know airlines and hotels and most pre-booked and prepaid venues are willing to work with people in rescheduling is because they know its the right thing to do.

[Nyla]

Be gracious and reschedule.

 

My husband and I visited his family around Thanksgiving almost two years ago. My BIL was supposed to take us to a certain family member's house; my husband and I don't have a truck and that was what was needed to get through the rough terrain.

 

My BIL had a huge fight with my MIL and his wife that day, right in front of everybody. We did not end up going to the family member's house. Even though my husband wanted to see his extended family, we knew not to press the issue with my BIL when he was so upset.

 

It just wasn't the right time, just like this isn't the right time for you to go and visit. Your SIL is rightfully preoccupied with her mother's health and she needs her husband with her. Send your SIL some flowers and a nice card, saying that you are thinking of her at this time.