Sunshinemama Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Hi. I am new to the forum and feeling very sad today. I would like some perspective. My husband committed to go to a bachelor party of a friend of his from college. They are going to south beach Miami. The particular group of friends he is going with are big drinkers, and a bit rowdy. The last bachelor party of this group was 3 years ago in Vegas. I found pictures of my husband without his wedding ring on from that party, drinking tequila straight from a bottle. Another married man spent over ten thousand dollars accidentally on strippers. He later divorced. My husband assures me he is a different man this time (he gave me the same speech last time too). We not have 3 kids, including a newborn son. We have $3000 in our savings account, and he already spent $300 on a plane ticket. He committed to another $400 for lodging for the 4 days he is going. He said he will finance his lodging by selling things. The only things he really has to sell are guns, and other things related to his gun and military cOllection hobby. He told me he would room with 2 other married guys, but I found out today that he committed t Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshinemama Posted March 12, 2013 Author Share Posted March 12, 2013 Continuing.... I found out he committed to rooming in a penthouse apartment with a hot tub, and none of the guys are married he is rooming with. He is staying with the bachelor. I am upset because of his betrayal of taking off his ring and pretending he wasn't married to me and we didn't have a child. I'm also upset bc these same ppl sat by while another married friend spent over ten thousand dollars on a stripper. I'm upset because he isn't rooming with the other married guys like he said he would, and I'm also upset because he is spending almost 1/3 of our savings account on a 3 day trip for himself. We are in our 30's now with 3 kids. I'm over the whole bachelor party stage of life. He is not. If he screws up, I have to divorce him, as I am unwilling to keep living like this. He knows this, but is still willing to go, despite how I feel. Am I being unreasonable? I am so hurt and dizzy right now, and I feel very depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonfruit Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Considering all that you've said, if it was my husband I think I'd tell him that if he planned to go, just make it a one-way ticket and don't return. Good luck to you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonfruit Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Also, maybe that money is better spent on marriage counseling. This just doesn't sound good. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshinemama Posted March 12, 2013 Author Share Posted March 12, 2013 He keeps saying that bc he doesn't go out drinking and hanging out with his friends I should be lucky, and he is entitled to celebrate a bachelor party every 3 years. I feel that we have 3 kids and, given what happened the last time he went, he doesn't need to go. He says he didn't cheat on me last time, but took his ring off bc he was embarrassed to be married, but now he knows who he is so it will be different this time. He doesn't care that I will be left home for 4 days with 3 kids under 4 while he sells items to go party for 3 days. I thought we were in a really good place, but this bachelor party is showing his true colors. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonfruit Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Honestly, I would call a marriage counselor right now and make an appointment for when he's not at work and if he won't go with you, go anyway. I think he plans to cheat, and even if he didn't, there is something very wrong with his priorities. It sounds like he feels the need for escape more than he should. Also, I would tell his ass he AIN'T GOING. Put some fire under his azz, you know what I mean? I wouldn't engage his arguments because they are retarded. Just what you need with three little kids, a husband flipping out on you, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Considering all that you've said, if it was my husband I think I'd tell him that if he planned to go, just make it a one-way ticket and don't return. Good luck to you. That's probably how I would handle it as well. This is not about the money he has spent - it is about how he has treated you in the process; spending the combined savings without your input and making these decisions without discussing it first shows his intentions are not honorable. I don't like ultimatums and would never consider giving someone an ultimatum in a relationship, but you need to the draw the line somewhere in this process because it is obvious you two don't have an open and honest relationship based on his actions. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonfruit Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 (edited) Yeah, she probably shouldn't listen to me, lol. I'm ready to get my frying pan out on her behalf for thick head thumping, haha. I think calling around and finding an "emergency" marriage counseling session. If he goes on that trip, this marriage may be over is my feeling, you know? This has cheating written all over it, as did the last one. Also, something very wrong, imo, with how he seems to feel that he deserves to be allowed to act this way every so often, as if he's earned a break from being married. And... what break from being married does he plan to offer his wife? @.@ Edited March 12, 2013 by Dragonfruit 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 This is why I've never understood the hype of bachelor parties. Most of my brother's friends are married...so he's not being given a full blown bachelor party with strippers. I'd think it would be inappropriate, especially since he's been with his girlfriend 5 years anyways. Is your husband in the wedding? If it's the type of party that involves strippers, it's not appropriate. Sorry, but his hurrah ship sailed a long time ago. I can understand going out for a beer celebration with the guys...but no, this is pretty inappropriate and you shouldn't stand for it. If he wants to relive his single days, tell them he can start living them right now with his things at the doorstep. 4 kids under 3? Wow, you must have been pregnant the last 3 years? That's gotta be tough with a irresponsible husband like this. How would he feel if the situation were reversed and he had to be stuck at home with the kids while you were living the single life pretending not to be married? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 He keeps saying that bc he doesn't go out drinking and hanging out with his friends I should be lucky, and he is entitled to celebrate a bachelor party every 3 years. I feel that we have 3 kids and, given what happened the last time he went, he doesn't need to go. He says he didn't cheat on me last time, but took his ring off bc he was embarrassed to be married, but now he knows who he is so it will be different this time. He doesn't care that I will be left home for 4 days with 3 kids under 4 while he sells items to go party for 3 days. I thought we were in a really good place, but this bachelor party is showing his true colors. He is completely shafting your (very legitimate) concerns. Exactly who should be embarrassed to be married to whom here? Call an MC. Or call an attorney. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 If that is a husband then I freaking hope to God I never get married !!! Close the account open new one where he can't get it and head to lawyer. With three kids you are elgible for LOTS of things USE THEM and get rid of the trash that he is. Do it now or live and eat your self alive trought this and worse choice is yours Link to post Share on other sites
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