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Moms always misreble.....JUST HAVE TO VENT...


longlegzs80

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Sorry about the misspelling. ANywho, my mom is always misreable which then makes me even more misreable and I can't take it. The holidays always do this to both of us, but today was different. We had to go to a family function which we do it for my grandmother for just a little christmas gathering of course once a year. And let me let you know, my family is not a close family at all. WE talk once a year if that, and if my grandmother wasn;t alive we would not talk to my family at all and that is just how everyone is in my family. Anyways, my mother said some hatefull things to me and I said some stuff that I did not regret saying to her.

 

I just can't take this life anymore. I told her she has never cared about me and I was always a huge disappointment to her. And she said that she has paid for alot for college, my vehicle, etc., and she thinks of that as caring. I don't care about her helping me out financially. And I told her about that, I told her she has never cared about me or ever really huged me or told me she loved me or is proud of me or anything. I told her I Am just another waste of life and she says who isn't.

 

I just want someone who is positive in my life. Is that hard to ask for? She also mentioned that I should go on medication and I told her she needed to do the same thing. I am not letting drugs control my life. IT is great that people go on them, but it is not going to help everyone. And I am not wasting my time or money on it. I just want someone who cares about me and loves me and is going to be a positive influence in my life. Because my mom is not someone who is positive and she never has been, and she wonders why I Am the way I am and blames me for it. WEll, screw that.

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longlegz:

 

And I am not wasting my time or money on it

 

If you are indeed bipolar, you are wasting your life without it. If your chemistry is screwed up, nothing, including some imaginary person, will make you feel better. I've got news for you, kiddo; no human should be burdened with the job of fixing you or making you happy. Not only that, but when you find out that their love still doesn't make you happy, you'll be furious with them and take it out on them for not loving you enough. I've been on the other side of that little scenario and it is horrible.

 

You need to quit blaming the world for your problems, admit you may need help, and step up to the plate to participate in your own wellness. That is the ONLY way you will find happiness.

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I just want to do something that will help me but I don;t want to rely on medication for it. I strongly believe that too. I don't want to rely on medication to be something that will totally transform me and have an effect on my life and have to take it everyday of my life to feel better. I don;t know. All I know is I don;t care about anything or anyone anymore. And my mom has said I have never cared about myself or anyone anyways. But then she tells me I am selfish and ungratful, so whatever. As I said, I don;t care. But hey, thanks for the response.

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and why should I be the one who goes on medication. My mother is far more worse then me and she does notthing for her problems and is still misreable at the age of 49. She does nothing to help herself. And I don't blame the world for my problems, no one has ever cared or was positive towards me. So, what am I supposted to do. Its her fault I am like this in the first place.

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I don;t want to rely on medication for it. I strongly believe that too. I don't want to rely on medication to be something that will totally transform me and have an effect on my life and have to take it everyday of my life to feel better.

 

That's as unrealistic as a diabetic not wanting to rely on medication. Look, longlegz, we are all about chemicals. EVERYTHING in your brain and body runs on a balance of hormones, neurochemicals, and other such stuff. That your body runs short of some of them is just a function of being human. That scientists figured out how to replace the missing ones is a huge blessing. There is nothing wrong with needing the chemicals missing from your body. It isn't your fault. Nobody can be blamed for how you feel, not your mother or anybody else. But when the chemicals in your brain are screwed up, your perception of life is, too.

 

What if you were diabetic? What if you had thyroid problems? What about heart disease? There are millions and millions of people who have to take medication every day to live and function. Do you think you are better than them because you don't? Because if you do, your thinking is pretty skewed.

 

As for your mother - so what? Maybe she needs meds or maybe not. To not take them is to cut your own nose off to spite your face - again, not a logical thing to do.

 

Its her fault I am like this in the first place.

 

So when you were in school and having a good time and going out and enjoying life, was that her fault, too, or is it only her fault when your life turns bad? I'd like to know how that works, if you'd care to explain....

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I am just saying, I really really think there are other ways of helping yourself other then taking medication for depression. I understand that if you have something like diabetts then you should take medication. But I have seen people who take prozac and zoloft and other drugs for depression, and it seems that they are in a daze. And you can tell someone is on meds by their eyes. I know I can tell. People that I have seen or talked to that take meds for depression just seem really out of it.

 

And that is what scares me. And I don;t think I am better then anyone else. If you are the type of person who wants to rely on meds to controll your life if you are depressed, so be it. But, I don't want to take the step in having the medication control my life by making me someone I am not. My mother told me once that majority of the people that she works with are on antidepressent drugs like zoloft and prozac, and they seem to be in a stupper all day long and dazed. My mother only knows that majority of the people are on meds for depression because apparently those people feel comfortable telling her or whoever that they are on something.

 

As I mentioned before in other similar threads, I will only take meds as a last resort. But I know how it is to talk to a counselor and the 3rd session he tells you that you are definitly suffering from depression and then rambles off a list of antidepressents that could help you out. Its not like I don;t know that. I just don't think it is fair for my mother to say that I should go on meds when she should do the same thing.

 

And I don't blame her for everything. She was not the reason I had fun at college or with friends ect. But, she is the reason why I am as depressed as I am because she has always been depressed. I always got the feeling like she doesn't care or doesn;'t want me around. And when that time comes, gauruntee I won't be around so she can't blame her money issues on me and everything else. BEcause that is what it comes down too.

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Originally posted by longlegzs80

I just want to do something that will help me but I don;t want to rely on medication for it. I strongly believe that too. I don't want to rely on medication to be something that will totally transform me and have an effect on my life and have to take it everyday of my life to feel better.

I SOOO do not understand this logic. Yeah, the medication could transform you...in a positive way. It could help you live a better quality of life. I mean, do you enjoy being depressed all the time? Sounds like you've tried other things and they haven't worked. So WHY are you so opposed to taking medication? There is no shame in taking something for an ILLNESS, which you have.

 

You cite later in this thread that it's because of people you know who take medications and they are out of it. First of all, every medication is not the same and every person is not the same. I wish you knew me in real life. I am living proof that that is absolutely not the case. I am much more stable and able to deal with life without getting overly upset or overly depressed (yes, I'm bipolar also) since being on medication, and I am far from being a zombie. I live a normal life.

 

Like Moimeme said, the sooner you stop blaming your mom for everything and take responsibility for yourself, the better off you will be. Don't worry about what you think your mom should or shouldn't be doing or whether she is worse than you...just worry about YOU.

 

Have you stopped to think that maybe if you were going to therapy and taking medication for your illness that you could be leading a much more productive life; i.e., getting a job in your field (as you're always wishing for), meeting people to date, getting out of the house? Don't you realize that these things are all connected?

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Originally posted by longlegzs80

And she said that she has paid for alot for college, my vehicle, etc., and she thinks of that as caring. I don't care about her helping me out financially. And I told her about that...

I'm sorry, but sometimes you sound a bit like a spoiled brat. I know a lot of young adults who would be very appreciative to have parents who pay for their college education and their car and let them continue to live at home. And yes, that is one way parents show they care. Have you thanked her for this? You say you don't care. Well, you SHOULD.

I just want someone who is positive in my life. Is that hard to ask for?

The easiest way to get positive people in your life is to BE positive yourself.

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, my mom is always misreable which then makes me even more misreable and I can't take it.

 

Okay then. How long has it been since you graduated? How long has it been since you have sent out a resume related to your major? Are you trying to find a job still, or are you happy doing customer service with a college degree?

 

Look, if your mother depresses you, get a good job and move out. From your posts of the past I don't know how long, you don't seem to be actively seeking a job in your field, where you may actually make enough money to move out. There is nothing wrong with going on medication if that is what you need to get out of your funk. Many people are on meds and aren't in a constant stupor all day long. You just have to try it out and see what works for you.

 

But in general, I agree with all the previous posts. YOU are an adult now. Get a job and move out. Then your mother will not be driving you crazy. And don't give me beef about the economy--if you work hard enough, you can get a job. I just tend to think that on some level, getting a job in your field is not a big concern.

 

Stop being afraid! Move on, girl!

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I understand where everyone is comming from. I know I need help. I don't dyney(sorry about the spelling) that one bit. And I have thought about the medication thing, but with all the side effects and all, I really don;t want to deal with that aspect.

 

As far as being thankful for stuff I recieve, I am. There is one thing I can say is that I don't ask for anything in life. My mother has always been there, I am just sick and tired of the mood swings. And yes I have tried for jobs, but I have no clue as to where to go or where to turn as far as what states I would like to live in etc.

 

I told my mother, that I hate myself and being like this, because she can see and I can see in myself that I have no motivation for anything. And that is why I am still at the customer service job because that is all I have so far. I am currently looking for stuff in my field and have been for months now online. But every job I look at wants 3 years or so of experience and I don't have that.

 

I am still pulling together my portfolio and thinking of self promo pieces I can send out to people and employers. But, I have no clue where to begin, and I have done online searching for articles on that. So, I have been doing stuff, I just have very little motivation to do anything else. And before I move out, I want to be financially stable, so if I do move somewhere and I don';t have a job in my field, I am not all out of money that I have been saving up.

 

So, my biggest things is motivation and getting some. I just don;t know what to do, and the longer that I am out of my field it will be a hell of a time getting in. So, I am just scared, nervous, frustrated with myself because I can seem to get into what I would hopefully love to do.

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Well, we've all told you what you can do, but you don't want to hear it. There is no magic answer. You have to be willing to put up with some negatives in life (like "possible" side effects of medications, going to therapy regularly, etc.), to get to the positives. It's a matter of how important it is to you.

 

As far as getting a job in your field, that type of work takes a lot of just getting out there and showing what you can do, freelancing, even doing some things for free to show your work. Aren't there advisors or job counselors where you went to school who can lead you in the right direction to employers?

 

Do you live in a small town? Have you sent out your resume and examples of your work to employers in bigger towns to see what the response is?

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I think I should just go to the doctors to see. I know, everyone has been such a help, but I am a very stubborn person as you can tell and I won't do something unless it is my last resort. And I know I should do it, but is there just one thing I can do that might help me get out of this funk?

 

Anyways, I am just sick of complaining all the time, whether it is on this forum, to my mom, to friends through email, on the phone, to customers etc. I just want a change. And I have just sent out my resume here. There was 1 interview and I did not get it of course or I wouldn;t be complaining. As far as freelancing, there is so much too it, and you have to be the kind of person who is self motivated and have some kick ass work to show or you will go nowhere with your biz. Trust me, I would love to freelance, but I need to start reading up on it, and get myself going and just learning more about it. Plus, I can;t afford this one software that would be ideal for layout for my work, or I would make the attempt to do it.

 

And another thing about freelancing. A month ago or so I was doing alittle freelance work for my grandmothers sisters niece and daughter, and they both kinda just dropped me like a hot potato and did not bother to contact me again. But, there was such a lack of communication that made me think I could not bother doing freelancing for another company. But, anyways, I was told I was going to get paid $15/hour and that never happened, and I did work for them for I would say 2 weeks. Sure not long time at all, but they could of been forward with me and told me that they did not like my work if that was the case or what the clients thought about my work. So, that is that. And another thing, I would definitly do freelancing not only if I was educated on it, but if I had my own place. But, there is so much involved stuff you need to know that I would not want to make a bad name for myself if I decide to do it and it would not work out for me.

 

Well, that is it. Not much to say. I will get my sh*t together and hopefully by my birthday in MArch, I will have a job in my field. That is the true reason why I am frustrated and discouraged.

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