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Parents divorced, mom's new boyfriend, problem.


Bradthekillerman

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Bradthekillerman

Hello, this is the first time i am posting to an English forum, sorry for my English it is not my first language. I can understand pretty nice but I can’t write too good.

My name is George I am 16 years old, I have a brother 12 years old. 4 years before my parents got divorced. They didn’t tell us the reason but they said that they wanted to do it years before but they were afraid that my brother would get hurt that’s why they waiting him getting older . We are living with my mother, my father moved to another city (500 km from us) so we are seeing each other 2 or 3 times a year, he wasn’t really a good father and actually I wanted them to get divorced . 1 year after my parents broke up my mother introduced to us her new friend, he was a good man, he was playing with us, playstation, football, etc. And after some time he moved to our home and we lived together. But about 7 months later they broke up, I asked my mother why, but she didn’t tell me, she just said that they were actually different characters. Of course i didn’t liked this because i already thought, he was gonna be my new dad. He was also too close with me and my little brother. But I knew that it wasn’t my decision. Anyway about one and half year later my mother has introduced to us her new boyfriend, he was nothing like the previous. He weren’t play with us and we aren’t that close like we were with my mom’s ex-boyfriend. The good news are that he is rich, not that much of course but we are living in his house now, it’s bigger, this is the first time I am sleeping in my own room, I have pc, playstation, internet and everything else I want. The bad thing is the relationship with my step-dad, and that I left my old house and I can’t see my old friends now. Anyway, it is already a year and a few months that we are all living together. My mom and her fiancé are often go out at nights and spent their time like normal new pair. When they are in the house they are kissing each other all the time and having fun. One day when I came early form the school and I saw them in the balcony my mom is sitting in his laps and they were talking in a different way than they were when we (the kids) are home (you know what I mean), I pretend that I didn’t saw them. Anyway that wasn’t the problem because she did that kind of thing with her previous boyfriend and I can understand it. The problem is that one night about 22:00 I wanted to go to toilet near and I heard them having sex. I was shocked, I never wanted to heard something like that. I went back to my room and I was really angry but I couldn’t do anything about this. The next day I were in my room, and if I am absolutely quiet I am able hear them even from my room. I put my earphones and I am listening music very aloud. But sometimes I wanna sleep and I still hear them. I knew that every Friday and Saturday they will have sex. So I am trying to do anything else I can so I wouldn’t hear them. I know that is absolutely natural that they are having sex but I really don’t want to hear them. What should I do? Should I leave the house, and live with my father? I really don’t want to do that. Should I stay and pretend every night that I didn’t hear anything? I am very shy and I can’t speak to my mom for that kind of thing. So I m asking if that’s natural and everyone have to endure it in his life. Please help.

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creighton0123

Hi George,

 

It sounds like you do have a very good mother, who only wants to protect you and your brother by not letting you know why her relationship with your father and her previous boyfriend ended.

 

You don't have to raise the topic with your mother directly. Just tell her that you have had trouble falling asleep some nights because she was talking so loudly with her boyfriend. She'll get what you mean.

 

Is it natural for adults to be loud during sex? Yes. Is it uncomfortable when thinking about the adult being your mother? At first. Be glad for her that she is happy in life. You mentioned your father not being a good dad... would you really want to live with him because your mother and her boyfriend are loud at night?

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Bradthekillerman
Hi George,

It sounds like you do have a very good mother, who only wants to protect you and your brother by not letting you know why her relationship with your father and her previous boyfriend ended.

 

Yes i know.

 

You don't have to raise the topic with your mother directly. Just tell her that you have had trouble falling asleep some nights because she was talking so loudly with her boyfriend. She'll get what you mean.

 

Εven if i told her that "i have had trouble falling asleep some nights" it would be some kind of embarrassment between me and her for some days (or even months), I really hate these kind of situations

 

Is it natural for adults to be loud during sex? Yes. Is it uncomfortable when thinking about the adult being your mother? At first. Be glad for her that she is happy in life. You mentioned your father not being a good dad... would you really want to live with him because your mother and her boyfriend are loud at night?

 

I am happy for her, i think she was never that happy. And i really don't want to live away from my mom, but i also feel so uncomfortable in this situation.

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creighton0123

"Εven if i told her that "i have had trouble falling asleep some nights" it would be some kind of embarrassment between me and her for some days (or even months), I really hate these kind of situations"

 

Meh. It will most likely be embarrassing for a few days, perhaps a week. Won't you be glad after the fact when you're able to sleep through the night? :-D

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A more indirect way would be to put loud music on your speakers, not just earphones when you have trouble falling asleep. I'm sure when they hear the loud music, they'll get the point.

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Bradthekillerman
"Εven if i told her that "i have had trouble falling asleep some nights" it would be some kind of embarrassment between me and her for some days (or even months), I really hate these kind of situations"

 

Meh. It will most likely be embarrassing for a few days, perhaps a week. Won't you be glad after the fact when you're able to sleep through the night? :-D

 

A more indirect way would be to put loud music on your speakers, not just earphones when you have trouble falling asleep. I'm sure when they hear the loud music, they'll get the point.

 

I am afraid that if they won't stop and i would feel much more embarrassing than before because they would knew that i knew. I also think that this would destroy my good relationship with my mom.

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creighton0123
I am afraid that if they won't stop and i would feel much more embarrassing than before because they would knew that i knew. I also think that this would destroy my good relationship with my mom.

 

Nah. Most parents face the day when they realize that their children are adults. While I don't know your mother, she sounds like a nice woman. Her 16 year old son hearing her having sex and asking her to be quiet shouldn't "destroy" the relationship.

 

Chances are, if she knows that her being loud bothers you, she'll be more quiet.

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Bradthekillerman
Nah. Most parents face the day when they realize that their children are adults. While I don't know your mother, she sounds like a nice woman. Her 16 year old son hearing her having sex and asking her to be quiet shouldn't "destroy" the relationship.

 

Chances are, if she knows that her being loud bothers you, she'll be more quiet.

 

You are saying to me to face it right? Well my first thought was to run from it (somehow). I am very shy and that's bad. I live in a house that it's not mine not even my mom's, so i am afraid that my mom's fiance would kick me out, if i told them what to do.

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melodymatters

Aw, you poor thing, big hugs !!!

 

Unfortunately I think you ARE going to have to live with it, we can't change other people only our own way of looking at things. Some houses just have thin walls and grown ups DO have sex.

 

Someday you will be in love and want to have sex with your wife. There is nothing bad, or dirty or embarrasing about it !

 

I think mentally it is bothering you more than the noise itself. Try to have a .....more mature attitude...like " I am happy my mom is happy, that we have a nice place to live, and it is perfectly normal for adults in love to have sex. It is not my business, let me just turn up my music and play a video game and concentrate on my OWN pleasures !"

 

Good luck !

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Bradthekillerman
Aw, you poor thing, big hugs !!!

 

Unfortunately I think you ARE going to have to live with it, we can't change other people only our own way of looking at things. Some houses just have thin walls and grown ups DO have sex.

 

Someday you will be in love and want to have sex with your wife. There is nothing bad, or dirty or embarrasing about it !

 

I think mentally it is bothering you more than the noise itself. Try to have a .....more mature attitude...like " I am happy my mom is happy, that we have a nice place to live, and it is perfectly normal for adults in love to have sex. It is not my business, let me just turn up my music and play a video game and concentrate on my OWN pleasures !"

 

Good luck !

 

First of thank you. Yes it bothers me mentally more than noise, because evertime i hear them, images come in my head and this is bad :( . But i am not that stupid to say that my mom's shouldn't have sex, because without it she may broke up again, and i really wouldn't stand it anymore. She is still young and it is natural. But i hate hearing them. Maybe it is a good idea to concentrate on my own pleasures, because i think this is the only way i could stop having those thoughts.

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Bradthekillerman
When are they getting married?

 

Based on your mom's tracking record, there is a good chance that they will break up. If he is rich, after they are legally married, your mom is entitled to half of his assets, including the house. :D

 

i don't think they would break up, because for the first time i see her happy. Too bad i am the one who's not happy. They will get married in about 2-3 months. But that was a nice idea :cool:

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Bradthekillerman
I don't think living with your dad is an option, since you said that he is not a good dad? How is he not a good dad? Is he dating anyone and maybe making the same noise at his place.

 

Nah, he is just don't cares about anything, he never asks us if we have a problem or something. I don't think he is dating any woman, he is old and he is overweight now, i think this has something to do with the divorce.

 

 

How bad is it living with your mom's fiance? Is he in anyway making you unfortable or say things to you? Does he have kids? Have you try to engage him in things you do for fun? How is your brother doing?

 

Are you getting out of the house and go to college at age 18?

 

Well it is not that bad, he never shouted to us, but still we are not to close with him. He didn't say anything to me or my bro, the only thing he does to make me feel uncomfortable is that he sometimes spanking my mom (i don't know if that's a bad word, you got my point anyway). I tried one day to play playstation with him, and we were ok, but we didn't spoke that much. My brother is alright, at least when he have all that new stuffs.

 

Yeah i want to go to college at 18, and i would try it.

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creighton0123
In front of you kids? :confused:

 

He can hear her mother's boyfriend spanking her during sex from a few rooms over at night.

 

I'd just wake up pretending to be all tired and if asked why, tell her "I couldn't sleep last night because you and Tony were being too loud. I didn't want to bother you because your door was shut."

 

That would quiet any parent up without anything other than an apology for "talking too loudly".

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Bradthekillerman
He can hear her mother's boyfriend spanking her during sex from a few rooms over at night.

 

I'd just wake up pretending to be all tired and if asked why, tell her "I couldn't sleep last night because you and Tony were being too loud. I didn't want to bother you because your door was shut."

 

That would quiet any parent up without anything other than an apology for "talking too loudly".

 

No i didn't meant that.

 

In front of you kids? :confused:

 

Well yes but i think that he thinks, we can't see him.

 

Anyway creighton0123 i prefer to tell her the truth, because if i told her "I couldn't sleep last night because you and Tony were being too loud. I didn't want to bother you because your door was shut." She would know that i know. Anyway thank you for the help, i will try something.

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desertIslandCactus

I agree that it doesn't appear to be an option to live with your father since he seems to be indifferent.

 

What kind of surprises me, is that that the owner of the home (your mother's fiance) doesn't know his house or floor plan well enough to know how the sounds that travel and to which areas or rooms.

 

I don't know if the television would help to drown out the sounds .. Or would it possible to tell your mother the situation, the distraction - and ask if you could sleep in another room further from their room ..

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Bradthekillerman
If you don't like it, you could spank him back. :D

 

lol. And get my ass kicked? :)

 

I agree that it doesn't appear to be an option to live with your father since he seems to be indifferent.

 

Yeah, i re-think about it.

 

What kind of surprises me, is that that the owner of the home (your mother's fiance) doesn't know his house or floor plan well enough to know how the sounds that travel and to which areas or rooms.

 

He bought this house after he met my mom.

 

I don't know if the television would help to drown out the sounds .. Or would it possible to tell your mother the situation, the distraction - and ask if you could sleep in another room further from their room ..

 

We have 4 rooms. One room for my mom and my stepdad, one for me one for my brother and one room is empty but it's the one that is closer to my mom's bedroom, so that's not good, my brother has the best room. He can't hear anything from there (not like me :mad:)

 

Anyway i would think something, and see if it's gonna work.

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creighton0123
lol. And get my ass kicked? :)

 

 

 

Yeah, i re-think about it.

 

 

 

He bought this house after he met my mom.

 

 

 

We have 4 rooms. One room for my mom and my stepdad, one for me one for my brother and one room is empty but it's the one that is closer to my mom's bedroom, so that's not good, my brother has the best room. He can't hear anything from there (not like me :mad:)

 

Anyway i would think something, and see if it's gonna work.

 

Still... you're 16. Step up and confront your mother. "Mom, you're very loud at night when you have sex. Please be more quiet. You're keeping us up."

 

There's going to come a time when you look at your mother and see her not only as your mother, but as a woman responsible for her own actions. Might as well make that time now :-P

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creighton0123
Too difficult for me :(

 

You keep saying that, but believe me - it's not. Honesty can sometimes be difficult, but it can never be too difficult.

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