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suzie sweet

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Would you take another womans 2 children on? Im asking this question because my mates say they cudnt do what im doing, i have 2 of my own so theres 6 of us altogetha, I love my fiance and knew he had his children living with him when we 1st met cos the mother gave them up, They are lovely kids 8 and 9 and very polite etc and love me and my kids and our family life togetha, but i find it hard sometimes when the mother still calls the shots to my partner and txts me harsh names saying they`ll never be my family etc, ive put this down to jelousy as people are telling her ive been a better mam to them than she ever has been, and they are so happy now. I wont lie things are hard, we are very short on money and quality time together is a no no cos we dont get it and when we do he has no money to take me out and me none for him, But hey that was my choice of life wasnt it, i didnt want this for my future but i fell so in love with him like no one else in the past and i feel ive finally met the right man for me, Am i been nasty in sometimes feeling pushed out cos his wages go on childcare etc and theres nothing left for us to have a treat and quality time, or do i just hang on in there knowing i love him and like myself he comes as a package, but it wont be forever as they wont be kiddies forever. I know my mates are saying im mad cos they have seen a change in me as im now bogged down with extra washing, cooking etc but again my choice. They have been staying with me for 3 wks now but today ive told him to go back to his own place so i can have some quality time with my little one, but now i feel sad cos it feels like weve split in some sad way knowing he wont be in bed with me tonight, but part of me feels relieved, so whats wrong with me?? We cant even have an in depth conversation about our relationship cos the kids are always in and out and when he`s at home and i ring its a 3 way conversation cos the youngest one always interferes which annoys me, but he dosnt see it as a problem cos there kids and always gona be there, whereas i wish sometimes we could for once make love, talk, eat, sleep without been interupted by the his youngests . Advice please what would you do xx

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tigereyes1428

if i was in love with him then yes - in a flash - there is nothing more important to me than a man who is a good father and dotes on his kids - its so attractive to me. yes its hard at times in your shoes prob - but does the good out weigh the bad ?

make sure you try have alone time once a week - it can be done it just needs preperation

x

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Yes you are right, tigereyes, i am in love with him and thats what attracted me to him in the 1st place been a good dad cos i knew he`d be a gud man and he is, but our future seems impossible, we are engaged and desprate to be married and have a family home together, but he has that much to pay out since he`s took the kids on that we carnt afford anything, so in my reality world its never gona happen us all been together, He said last night money dosnt matter to him, i know what he means by that is because since fighting for the kids and getting custody thats his life complete and they are the most important things, but what he seems to forget is that he wants a family life and marrige too, so arnt me and my kids just as important?? and yeh money does matter cos thats what will help us get our future plans sorted, so now im confused, angry, and feel im just sat on the garden post xx

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You know, I understand where you are coming from as there are 6 kids between me and my bf.

 

Time is short because it has to be divided up so many ways. Money is short because you are looking after so many children. That is a lot of mouths to feed and take care of. If your bf has his kids full time, why isn't their mother paying any child support to help you out?

 

Are any of your kids around the same age and do they play together? Why don't you plan some low cost family activities (ie, picnic, hiking, scavenger hunt)? That way, the kids are occupied and you are still doing something fun and essentially free with your bf.

 

There are many ways to spend time together if that is what you really want.

 

~Have a late supper, with candles, etc after the kids have gone to bed. ~Keep in touch throughout the day via text ( enough to say "I was thinking about you and love you")

~Give yourselves time as soon as you both get home from work to catch up with each other's day (before you tackle the kids and their respective problems)

 

If he is worth it to you, then you will stick with it because eventually the kids grow up and make their own lives and then all you have left is each other...so nurture and take care of that relationship now if it is one worth saving.

 

I love my bf but in all honesty, if I had to do it over again, I would choose someone without kids because it is so hard to blend families together. You have two different parents, many different children with many different needs and personalities who have been raised according to their respective parents set of values. It is just hard. I have been doing it for 2 years and honestly somedays I feel like throwing in the towel...but I keep hanging on because I love my bf.

Edited by AppleGirl
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tigereyes1428

its not for a second going to be easy - there is so much compromise to be made - do you have a time limit for your plans together - is he still as keen on the same things you are?

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