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My Mother is very ill..mentally


Lauriebell82

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I didn't know where to put this...

 

My mother is mentally ill. She is paranoid and thinks our family is out to get her. I don't know what to do. It upsets my fiance when I talk about it. I need support.

 

Has anyone else experienced this? I'm ready to disown her...:(

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melodymatters

Wow Laurie ! I'm sorry to hear that ! You didn't give much info : what are some examples of her thinking the family is out to get her ?

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how old is your mom? Does a history of mental illness run in her family? Is she exhibiting any classic symptoms of a particular illness? Might be something to check into because of the light shed on her behavior.

 

can't be much help here – they said my granny had alzheimer's but didn't exhibit the classic symptoms. She went from cranky old lady to sweet, lovable and funny granny, though sometimes it took awhile for her brain to crank up and remember exactly who you were! With my mom, depression set in, mimicking dementia, though my family was quick to say it was the latter. It was harder dealing with her situation because she was always so loving, and the last several months of her life, she was very unhappy and not as responsive to family thanks to the depression.

 

*hugs* to you kiddo; I hope you find what you need in dealing with this ...

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Is she diagnosed and on medication?

if not, maybe she needs medical help.

 

Don't disown her just yet... not until all chance of hope, help and remedy has gone.....

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She is paranoid and has convinced herself that my dad is having an affair with one of her flight attendant coworkers and dealing drugs. She also thinks he runs a prostitution ring and is a swinger. She is totally irrational. She has been to multiple psychologists and half of them wont even treat her.

 

We went to buy my wedding dress today. She HATES it. She had a scowl on her face the entire time. She picked out 3 pick up dresses and told me I had to try them on. She loved this one and had this huge smile on her face and said how much she loved it and how beautiful I looked. Then I tried on the one I loved and her scowl came back. If that isn't bad enough when it came time to pay she said she "didn't have the right check book" and "didn't know she had to pay for it today." Which is total B.S. She KNEW I wanted her to buy that dress today and she didn't even care! Then we left and she started screaming at me for being ungrateful. She got in my car and refused to get out enough though I told her I was going to be late for my haircut. I came around to the passengers side and tried to force her out. She finally said she was leaving so I went around to the other side.

 

What I didn't know was that she stole my cell phone out of my car and took off in her car with it. I didn't even realize it until I got back in my car. She drove around with it in her car for half and hour and refused to bring it back to our house. Finally she did and I missed my hair appointment.

 

So I've decided to disown her..or at least not talk to her for awhile. I'm done. I really am. I can't even take this anymore. I don't blame my dad if he choses to divorce her. She is nuts!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!:mad::mad::mad:

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psychologists are worthless. you need to get her to a good psychiatrist so she can be screened and put on some medications

 

remember that only one-third of the mentally ill have actually been diagnosed as such

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I don't get it. Its YOUR mom right? This has to be very distressing to you.....but you're willing to talk about it.

 

So why is it so upsetting to your fiance that he can't talk about it with you?

 

Oh dear, this is horrible! What does your dad plan to do for her? This has to be terrifying for her as well. I hate to say it, but unless this gets resolved before the ceremony you might want to consider not having her present......:(

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psychologists are worthless. you need to get her to a good psychiatrist so she can be screened and put on some medications

 

We have..medications don't work. We think that a medication she was put on 6 years actually did some damage and made her this way (paranoid and delusional).

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Citizen Erased

I'm probably the last person to be giving advice about a daughter-parent relationship but here goes...you're mad right now and trust me I have been there, but you can't disown her. I hated my mother a few years back, I was so angry at her...I didn't speak to her for a year and it was really hard on my family. Try organising get togethers when two people refuse to be in the same room as each other....it's not worth it.

 

She sounds nuts and I would urge you to get some space between you guys for a little while, until you calm down at least. You can't deal with someone like that when you're angry. You're getting married LB, you will regret it if your mum isn't there for that. Even if she is a pain in your arse right now. :p

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I don't get it. Its YOUR mom right? This has to be very distressing to you.....but you're willing to talk about it.

 

So why is it so upsetting to your fiance that he can't talk about it with you?

 

Oh dear, this is horrible! What does your dad plan to do for her? This has to be terrifying for her as well. I hate to say it, but unless this gets resolved before the ceremony you might want to consider not having her present......:(

 

Well fiance will listen to me and I can talk about it to him to a certain extent...I just don't think he quite understands this. He says it should be easy for me to just disown her and not talk to her. But it isn't..she is my mother.

 

My dad has tried everything..psychologists, medication, ect. She has been in SC because my dad refuses to live with her.

 

And about our wedding..she already refuses to come to it. She loves to hold that over my head.

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Why is she refusing to come to the wedding?

 

Is there any truth to the things she says about your father (the cheating and drugs bit)?

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Why is she refusing to come to the wedding?

 

Is there any truth to the things she says about your father (the cheating and drugs bit)?

 

She says she won't come unless I tell her "the truth" about my dad. She just basically wants me to tell her that my dad really is doing all those horrible things when he's not.

 

And NO there is no truth behind the things she says about my dad. He would never do that.

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She says she won't come unless I tell her "the truth" about my dad. She just basically wants me to tell her that my dad really is doing all those horrible things when he's not.

 

And NO there is no truth behind the things she says about my dad. He would never do that.

 

I'm not trying to argue with you here, but how do you really know? Many wives (or family members) who are betrayed once thought, "He'd never do that."

 

Have you spoken with her about why she thinks this? Have you asked? While her allegations are over the top, perhaps there is some truth to some of them? (Such as cheating with her co-worker...)

 

I just think there are other ways to vet out her problem beyond just calling her delusional and irrational.

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I'm not trying to argue with you here, but how do you really know? Many wives (or family members) who are betrayed once thought, "He'd never do that."

 

Have you spoken with her about why she thinks this? Have you asked? While her allegations are over the top, perhaps there is some truth to some of them? (Such as cheating with her co-worker...)

 

I just think there are other ways to vet out her problem beyond just calling her delusional and irrational.

 

She looks through his phone and calls the numbers (business connections) in the middle of the night. She tracks him all day, looks at who he calls, finds reasons to be suspicious of him. She also thinks my sister and I are covering for him.

 

I get what you are saying but my dad leads the most sheltered life. He has no friends, he works 12 hours a day. I believe that he is not doing anything.

 

It doesn't matter if you believe me or not, she's just mentally ill and we are all angry and upset with her.

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Lb, look up Paranoid Schizophrenia. Your mother is showing the classic symptoms for this. Does she ever hear voices and are these voices telling her things?

 

My aunt by marriage has this and has been doing well for years now, with drug treatment. It took years to find the right combination of drugs that work for her. There really is hope out there.

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LB: I don't think that being angry/upset with her is going to help the situation especially if she's suffering from a mental breakdown. I know it's hard to sit down and listen to her, maybe even lie that you're interested to hear what she has to say, but it would probably be the best thing. Have you tried taking her to see a specialist (not a psychologist but a psychiatrist)? If not, I would suggest taking her to see one.

 

Mentally ill patients require support and care. The angrier people are at them and the more frustrated they are, it just exasperates the disorder itself.

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It doesn't matter if you believe me or not, she's just mentally ill and we are all angry and upset with her.

 

It's not whether I believe you, LB... it's about whether you have any reason to believe your mother.

 

If she's so crazy, why hasn't he divorced her?

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It's not whether I believe you, LB... it's about whether you have any reason to believe your mother.

 

If she's so crazy, why hasn't he divorced her?

 

Well, I don't have any reason to believe her. My dad is a good man.

 

He hasn't divorced her because she has been living in SC so he hasn't had to deal with her. Also my dad loves her and wants to help her..I think he just keeps hoping she will get better. :(

 

Have you tried taking her to see a specialist (not a psychologist but a psychiatrist)? If not, I would suggest taking her to see one.

 

Mentally ill patients require support and care. The angrier people are at them and the more frustrated they are, it just exasperates the disorder itself.

 

Yep, we have taken her to like 10. Most of them told us they wouldn't even treat her.

 

We know getting angry doesn't help but it really is hard. The things she does/says to us are horrible so it is just hard to even listen to her.

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LB: I don't think that being angry/upset with her is going to help the situation especially if she's suffering from a mental breakdown. I know it's hard to sit down and listen to her, maybe even lie that you're interested to hear what she has to say, but it would probably be the best thing. Have you tried taking her to see a specialist (not a psychologist but a psychiatrist)? If not, I would suggest taking her to see one.

 

Mentally ill patients require support and care. The angrier people are at them and the more frustrated they are, it just exasperates the disorder itself.

 

I agree with this.

 

If there's truth to what she's saying, she should be treated with some kindness.

 

If there's no truth to what she's saying, and she's truly mentally ill, she also deserves kindness... particularly from her daughter.

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Well, I don't have any reason to believe her. My dad is a good man.

 

He hasn't divorced her because she has been living in SC so he hasn't had to deal with her. Also my dad loves her and wants to help her..I think he just keeps hoping she will get better. :(

 

 

 

Yep, we have taken her to like 10. Most of them told us they wouldn't even treat her.

 

We know getting angry doesn't help but it really is hard. The things she does/says to us are horrible so it is just hard to even listen to her.

 

To 10 psychiatrists?! Like Medical doctors (not someone who has a degree in clinical psychology)? For this you'll need to take her into an Emergency with a psychiatric ward. Have you done that?

 

I know what she's saying is horrible. But when people are in these states, they don't comprehend what they're doing. It's a mental state where neurons just keep firing and it's making a particular area of the brain very active - that's basically what a mental disorder is.

 

I don't know how can anyone refuse to treat another human being with a mental disorder. Did they tell you why they refused to treat her (if these were psychiatrists)?

 

I used to work in an ER with a psychiatric ward and they admitted all kinds of patients and kept them for the night to analyze their behaviour and possibly diagnose them/help them. So, I don't understand why someone would just turn around a patient.... :confused:

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I agree with this.

 

If there's truth to what she's saying, she should be treated with some kindness.

 

If there's no truth to what she's saying, and she's truly mentally ill, she also deserves kindness... particularly from her daughter.

 

You sound like my fiance. I get what you guys are saying, I'd be saying the exact same thing to someone else with a sick family member.

 

BUT the things she does/says to us makes it very hard for us to even speak to her let alone be kind. I can't even repeat some of the stuff, it is so horrible.

 

I try to be patient, I try not to get upset. It's just not that easy.

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You sound like my fiance. I get what you guys are saying, I'd be saying the exact same thing to someone else with a sick family member.

 

BUT the things she does/says to us makes it very hard for us to even speak to her let alone be kind. I can't even repeat some of the stuff, it is so horrible.

 

I try to be patient, I try not to get upset. It's just not that easy.

 

LB: You'll need A LOT of patience with her. I realize it is not easy, but if you're frustrated and not talking with her, she's going to keep doing it. However, if she realizes you're listening to her, it might calm her down.

 

Example: schizophrenia patients tend to go on and on about how someone is after them. They'll do this continuously and won't believe anyone. However, if you listen to them and are interested in what they're saying, they start to trust you.

 

What was your mom like before this kicked in? The truth is, the more you avoid her, the less support she gets, the worse her condition will get. It is a fact that if mentally ill patients do not have the support, they just spiral out of control and it just goes downhill from there. She needs to feel loved and supported. Otherwise, I'm telling you, it's going to get way worse than this.

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To 10 psychiatrists?! Like Medical doctors (not someone who has a degree in clinical psychology)? For this you'll need to take her into an Emergency with a psychiatric ward. Have you done that?

 

I know what she's saying is horrible. But when people are in these states, they don't comprehend what they're doing. It's a mental state where neurons just keep firing and it's making a particular area of the brain very active - that's basically what a mental disorder is.

 

I don't know how can anyone refuse to treat another human being with a mental disorder. Did they tell you why they refused to treat her (if these were psychiatrists)?

 

I used to work in an ER with a psychiatric ward and they admitted all kinds of patients and kept them for the night to analyze their behaviour and possibly diagnose them/help them. So, I don't understand why someone would just turn around a patient.... :confused:

 

Private psychologists/psychiatrists have told us that they can't take her case because it is "not their speciality." We have considered hospitilizing her, however we don't know how much good it will do. She would never agree to go and if we did even have grounds to 302 her, she would act normal and they would let her go.

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How long have they lived apart?

 

If he never wants to be around her, I can see why she has started to check up on him. If she is mentally ill, evading her feeds the suspicious thoughts.

 

If she isn't mentally ill.......

 

What does he DO while he is gone many states away (at night)? :confused:

 

I'm just sayin.......

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You sound like my fiance. I get what you guys are saying, I'd be saying the exact same thing to someone else with a sick family member.

 

My mother isn't exactly the most stable person in the world either, LB. And I had a grandparent who had undiagnosed dementia for two years (before he was finally diagnosed), so I do get it, believe it or not.

 

BUT the things she does/says to us makes it very hard for us to even speak to her let alone be kind. I can't even repeat some of the stuff, it is so horrible.

 

I try to be patient, I try not to get upset. It's just not that easy.

 

As a therapist who believes the person who brought them in to this world is literally mentally ill, I'm honestly really surprised at your reaction. :( The whole wedding dress thing sounded more like a tantrum (on your part) rather than the antics of a mentally ill person. :o

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