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Step-mother acting crazy!! What to do


Jessie

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Last night I called up my father and asked him if I could come over to spend the night because I wanted his wife to help me with a Spanish essay for university (she is from El Salvador), and he said "no problem, come over" then he gave her the phone so i could ask her, so I asked "Maria" if she had time later in the evening to correct my grammar on an essay, and I offered to pay her thinking this would be a polite gesture on my part because I didn't want her to think I was taking advantage or her because she has a stressful job.

 

She agreed to help me and then added that she didn't need my money, and I said Thanks and would see her later.

 

Well I drive over there and my father greets me at the door saying that I caused a huge problem. Apparently after I had spoken to her she had started crying and told my father I had insulted her because I had offered to pay her money. She had gone out and threatend that if I was there when she came back she wouldln't sleep in the same house!

 

My father was perplexed and so was I and I explained that I had only wanted to do something nice for her and right now it was too dark and raining hard to drive all the way back to my place for the night, so he suggested that I go across the street and spend the night at Maria's mother's basement suite, which was empty because she is in El Salvador right now. So I took my stuff and went there. He told me to call her and talk about it on the phone when she got back and he was sure things would work out.

 

Anyhow, about two hours later my father comes knocking on the door and tells me that she had driven by the house, seen my car

then driven away to Starbuck's Coffee where she called my father and told her she wouldn't come home if I was there in the house.

 

He told her that he had sent me to her mother's place across the street, and then apparently she exploded at him telling him he had no right to do that because it was her mother's place and that she had been planning to sleep there.

 

He tried to explain to her I had only tried to do a nice thing, but she wouldn't listen, and said, "I won't play her games!!"

 

He told me he was really sorry, but it was either me or his marriage, and I would have to leave, but then he had an idea for me to sneak into the basement where there was an unoccupied bedroom that her son uses sometimes, so he took my stuff, put it in the basement and told me to park my car a few blocks away then come back in about half an hour. I did this and it worked out fine, as she never goes down there. In the morning after she had left for work my father came down and said,"The coast is clear, now you can come out."

 

I asked him what to do about this situation and he hoped it would blow over as she had been very moody with him lately.

 

What do you think I should do? Right now I feel very angry at her for treating me like this and I don't really feel like trying to make up with her because I don't see the point that anything will change. What do you suggest? Why do you think she acted so crazY?

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1. "What do you suggest?"

 

I suggest you say nothing and do nothing. Most decent people accept apologies and move on but she is not one of them.

 

2. "Why do you think she acted so crazY?"

 

* She may naturally be a bitch.

 

* It may be a cultural thing.

 

* She may naturally be a bitch.

 

* She may be angry at a lot of other people and taking it out on you.

 

* She may be naturally a bitch.

 

* She may have not understood your motives for offering her money but that doesn't justify her behavior.

 

* She may be naturally a bitch.

 

* She may have never grown up into a mature adult.

 

* She may be naturally a bitch.

 

* This is something between her and your father. She's probably been looking for an opportunity to put a wedge between you and your father out of jealousy...and that was her golden (and quite lame) opportunity.

 

* She may be naturally a bitch.

 

* Anybody who gets that angry because somebody offered them money as a means of thanking them for performing a service was born on another planet and is a taco short of a combination platter.

 

* And most likely she was born a real bitch.

 

The bigger question is how do nice guys like your dad end up with scuzbags like this tramp? Have absolutely nothing to do with her. If she wants to make peace, let her make an effort to contact you...but don't hold your breath. But I give you my word, she loves having the power over this situation and if you contact her in any way she will stir things up even more.

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The most optimistic explanation is a cultural difference. I know that I'd be offended if somebody from my family circle offered me money for a service.

 

It seems a lot more common in North Am, to pay money to family members. Parents pay kids for mowing the lawn and stuff. I find that crazy. So would a lot of other Europeans.

 

She's from Latin America, where, according to my latin friends, people are generally more warm, open, and helpful. Also more emotional and explosive and expressive. So I'm not too surprised to hear your story.

 

I think you don't need to say anything to her. From now on, be polite with her since she's your dad's wife, but that's it. It's absolutely not your fault all this took place, btw!

 

best of luck,

-yes

 

PS to Tony - I don't think she's naturally a bitch at all. Being offered money by your husband's son can be very offensive - it's like being told by him that he considers her a total outsider.

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YOU WRITE: "Being offered money by your husband's son can be very offensive - it's like being told by him that he considers her a total outsider."

 

Yes, AGREED! But the behavior in reaction was irrationally bizarre, insane, and unbecoming of a human being.

 

I am just terrified that I am so out of touch with humanity. I simply can't relate to much of the behaviors that are written about on this forum. Yet others so calmly accept it as business as usual.

 

Stop the world, I want to get off!!!

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Tony, I think it's because you always lived in North America or UK. Other cultures are more explosive and crazy.

 

heheh

-yes

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HokeyReligions

My family pays each other all the time.

 

Allowances for kids who do chores is a great idea if the parents can afford it. I loved earning money as a child. I still had to do the chores even if I was being punished and didn't recieve my allowance, but I never got an allowance for NOT doing chores. It's a good way to teach responsibility and to help prepare kids for growing up and working.

 

In my family we help each other out, but if I need my computer fixed and I can't do it, but my father-in-law can, then I'll pay him to fix it. (I get a family discount) but I don't expect anyone in the family to work for nothing.

 

I paid my brother and his friend to put in a new water heater. My mothers other daughter used to pay me to baby sit her kids.

 

I guess I just don't see that expecting family members to do things for you for nothing is fair. That seems like taking them granted.

 

We would rather pay a family member to help us with something, than to pay a stranger or company -- such as building a deck, or home repairs, etc.

 

When on vacation we rented my mother's car -- it actually cost more than if we'd rented from Hertz or someplace, but we wanted the money to go to my mother and not some company.

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that's the north american family for you.

 

i can't speak for all european families, but i can tell that in mine, chores are shared because we want to help each other. so, if one of us has time, s/he will do some chores. of course, we also ask each other for help, and help is given because we want to do it, not because we're getting paid for it!

 

as for money, we discuss almost all buys together, and get money from our common "pot". there's no such thing as mom's money, dad's money, john's money. it's our family money because we all live together.

 

etc.

there's just too huge a difference to go on about it ... i guess i shdn't marry a north american, heh!

 

-yes

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Tony, you are too quick to judge. It may well be a cultural thing. Some things that North Americans do are considered hugely insulting in other parts of the world.

 

There is also the possibility of her own mental state. And hormones. I hate to say it, but if she's within striking distance of perimenopause (which begins up to FIFTEEN years before menopause) her hormones could be in turmoil and they can definitely wreak havoc on the emotions.

 

As for paying relatives; some families seem to think paying each other is fine. Others believe in exchanging favours rather than cash. "Yes", it isn't North American versus European but different family styles.

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  • 5 weeks later...

In my opinion, you owe this woman N-O-T-H-I-N-G. You have made your apologies for any misunderstandings. If she does not want to accept your apology, then forget it.

 

She sounds more like an adolescent than a grown woman.

 

I definitely think YOU are the one who should be recieving the apology. Most kids would take advantage of a situation where a parent/step-parent could help out. Hurray for you for being grown up enough offer her something for her help!

 

How dare her make your father make a decision between the two of you. Honey, don't sweat it, some people aren't worth getting upset over!

 

Kim

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Menopause is on its way. Perhaps suggest to your father, if she gets too mean with him, that she see her 'female doctor'.

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jessicakicksbut

There may be underlying issues going on between her and your father, and she just used anything you did wrong as ammo against him. It's sad, but some women use their husband's children in order to create a "better fight or defense on their behalf" if there is other problems in the marriage!

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