I don't want to move, and my parents don't see that

[KaySaurusx]

I'm not the most eloquent person when it comes to talking to my parents, so I need your help to calmly word my adversion to moving far away.

First, let me start with some background knowledge. I'm turning 16 in December, and I'm starting my junior year in a small high school. I love it there. My first year was rough, but last year was amazing. I got so many wonderful friends I've been through almost everything with, and a boyfriend who loves me deeply.

My parents and I put our house on the market a month ago. They've been looking in the state next to us, along with the town that I go to high school in (we live in the country, so it's like a regional high school thing). Unfortunately my mom's extremely picky, and it drives my dad and I nuts.

So today we went to the other state to look at two houses, and while there we got a call from our realtor. She said that these people who have seen our house 3 times so far made a reasonable offer, and we took it. But, we have to be out by the end of August. They're going to negotiate that, because that's too soon. Well, my mom saw a house today that she really likes, and I guess we're going to make an offer, and look at more houses.

Meanwhile, I'm against leaving this area like you wouldn't believe. I've told my parents many times that if they go to the other state, then I'm not going with them. I've been battling depression for the past two years, and I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which makes everything worse. So I've come up with the idea to run away as soon as my parents make an offer. I've already got my bags packed, and a few of my friends don't mind taking me in for a bit. When my parents catch me, and still decide to move out of state, I'll attempt suicide. As sad and angry as I am, I don't actually want to die. I'll only cut deep enough so that I have to be taken to the hospital, but I'll make sure my mom finds me.

So as you can tell, I'm not too keen on the whole moving thing. How can I tell my parents that I refuse to leave everything that I know and love?

[boogieboy]

You cant tell them anything, it isnt about you, its about them.

 

Instead of attenpting to commit suicide in retaliation, how about just staying with your friends? Your mom isnt going to not move just because you dont wanna leave your friends.

 

Maybe get a job and get an apartment. Live like an adult. You will have to be a waitress or whatever job you might already have, but work harder, it'll be cool. You'll be your own person. You will have to bounce from house to house for another year until you graduate, if you can stay awake enough to study.

 

If you can get an apartment, maybe live in a room in someones house, cuz thats all you will be able to afford...and you will struggle until you graduate. But after high school, you can finally work full time in a wendys or whatever, it will be tough to get a real job with no expereince, and the pay will still be low.

 

But at some point if you want to go to college, well you might not be able to do that because you have no credit, or a job that meets the pay requirements for a loan. (the bad economy has made banks crack down on loans)

 

But you get to stay in your school, with your friends, and your bf. None of them will help you, because it will be too heavy for them to handle after a while, but you did it on your own!

[Ross PK]

I'm really sorry you're having to go through this. It's quite cruel that your parents are doing this to you, knowing how bad it's making you feel and how you're already having to deal with depression and you have a personality disorder.

 

I have depression, social anxiety, and I think I may have a personality disorder too, and my mum moved me away from where we were living, where I was happy, to a place really far away where I feel very uncomfortable and where I don't fit in. It has basically ruined my life, I've been living here for 10 years, I hardly leave the house, have no job, and still feel really unhappy here.

 

Is there anyway you could see a therapist? Or maybe you could show your mum my post to let her see how serious this is?

[whichwayisup]

You're manipulating your parents, holding them hostage. Sorry, but you're barely 16 years old and you have no say in whether or not where you move to. Planning on running away is a bad idea, even more so because of your BP.

 

Talk to your parents, get counselling and try meds to help you cope. I know change is scary, the fear of the unknown etc, but this is something you need to face head on, with alot of love and support from your folks.

[Ross PK]

Not really sure why you think he doesn't have a say. I mean moving is going to effect him too.

[whichwayisup]

Sure, he can have his 'say' but the final decision is up to his parents.

[Sweetcheripie]

I'm not the most eloquent person when it comes to talking to my parents, so I need your help to calmly word my adversion to moving far away.

First, let me start with some background knowledge. I'm turning 16 in December, and I'm starting my junior year in a small high school. I love it there. My first year was rough, but last year was amazing. I got so many wonderful friends I've been through almost everything with, and a boyfriend who loves me deeply.

My parents and I put our house on the market a month ago.

 

 

This is your parent's home - YOU did not put it on the market.

 

 

They've been looking in the state next to us, along with the town that I go to high school in (we live in the country, so it's like a regional high school thing). Unfortunately my mom's extremely picky, and it drives my dad and I nuts.

So today we went to the other state to look at two houses, and while there we got a call from our realtor. She said that these people who have seen our house 3 times so far made a reasonable offer, and we took it.

 

Again, your parents accepted the offer I am SURE you did not sign anything.

 

But, we have to be out by the end of August. They're going to negotiate that, because that's too soon. Well, my mom saw a house today that she really likes, and I guess we're going to make an offer, and look at more houses.

Meanwhile, I'm against leaving this area like you wouldn't believe. I've told my parents many times that if they go to the other state, then I'm not going with them.

 

You have communicated with them and they are still making the decision THEY feel is best.

 

I've been battling depression for the past two years, and I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which makes everything worse. So I've come up with the idea to run away as soon as my parents make an offer. I've already got my bags packed, and a few of my friends don't mind taking me in for a bit. When my parents catch me, and still decide to move out of state, I'll attempt suicide. As sad and angry as I am, I don't actually want to die. I'll only cut deep enough so that I have to be taken to the hospital, but I'll make sure my mom finds me.

So as you can tell, I'm not too keen on the whole moving thing. How can I tell my parents that I refuse to leave everything that I know and love?[/QUOTE]

 

 

You seem to believe you have WAY more power than you actually do at 16 years old. There are many ways to negotiate with your parents without trying to hurt yourself.

 

If you are still being treated for Depression or BPD TALK to your therapist/psychiatrist about talking with your parents.

 

How do you go from thinking you have the power to negotiate a real estate transaction to not being able to talk about not wanting to move?

 

Do your parents like your friends and boyfriend? Do you have other siblings?

 

 

Your parents happen to have "known and loved" you for the last 16 years - they want what is best for you. I'm sure while looking at homes you have had PLENTY of opportunity to tell them you want to stay at your high school. Yet, they still think moving is a good idea. I'm sure there are SEVERAL reasons and probably many way above your head.

[Angel1111]

You seem to be under the delusion that you should be making the final decision in all of this. The three of you did not put the house on the market. Your parents did. You might want to sit up and take notice that you're the child, and your parents are the adults. You may not like what they do or how they do it, but those are the facts.

 

I do believe this is fixable without all the drama and theatrics. If you end up doing those things you talked about, news will travel fast and your actions won't make anyone else even the slightest bit thrilled about taking you into their home. The only thing your actions will prove is that you're either highly immature or mentally unstable, and no one is going to want to introduce that into their home. Understand also that pretending to commit suicide is something that will come back to haunt you in many ways, many times. I strongly recommend that you don't go down that road.

 

If you don't want to join your parents in this decision, then do as the other poster suggested and get on with your own life without them. Or, perhaps you can move with your parents and drive to the school that you'd prefer to go to. There are probably numerous options and you need to sit down with your parents and let them know that you really do not want to leave your high school, and ask them if they can think of a solution that will work for all of you. This is not just about you, and you are not the decision-maker here.

 

And as a sidenote, I believe you're doing yourself a disservice by putting these labels on yourself as being somehow too mentally unable to function in life. Learn how to get around whatever is a hinderance to yourself and move on from there.

[Thornton]

You are a child and you do what your parents tell you to do, end of story. When you're 18 you can live anywhere you want; until then you live wherever your parents choose to live. Arguing with your parents' decision is incredibly disrespectful, and running away and attempting suicide just to punish them is disgusting and very childish. If you're mentally ill enough to go through with such a plan you really need to be in a secure institution where you can get help.

[Eve]

You are exhibiting highly manipulative behaviours that could end up losing you your life for real. Your parents may need to move out of necessity or to even break a negaitive habit that you are persisting in. You do need to wake up and stop trying to hurt your parents by hurting yourself.

 

You do not sound remotely able to look after yourself at the moment and need to partake in the process of getting better. My friend has a child in a simular situation as yourself and she needed intensive support to not succumb to some seriously deviant behaviours. Her boy is doing much better now that she got tough.

 

Either work with them, or stay with friends/get a place of your own.

 

I feel so sorry for your parents. What you said about your Mom finding you borders on being evil.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Caitlyn]

I'm not the most eloquent person when it comes to talking to my parents, so I need your help to calmly word my adversion to moving far away.

First, let me start with some background knowledge. I'm turning 16 in December, and I'm starting my junior year in a small high school. I love it there. My first year was rough, but last year was amazing. I got so many wonderful friends I've been through almost everything with, and a boyfriend who loves me deeply.

My parents and I put our house on the market a month ago. They've been looking in the state next to us, along with the town that I go to high school in (we live in the country, so it's like a regional high school thing). Unfortunately my mom's extremely picky, and it drives my dad and I nuts.

So today we went to the other state to look at two houses, and while there we got a call from our realtor. She said that these people who have seen our house 3 times so far made a reasonable offer, and we took it. But, we have to be out by the end of August. They're going to negotiate that, because that's too soon. Well, my mom saw a house today that she really likes, and I guess we're going to make an offer, and look at more houses.

Meanwhile, I'm against leaving this area like you wouldn't believe. I've told my parents many times that if they go to the other state, then I'm not going with them. I've been battling depression for the past two years, and I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which makes everything worse. So I've come up with the idea to run away as soon as my parents make an offer. I've already got my bags packed, and a few of my friends don't mind taking me in for a bit. When my parents catch me, and still decide to move out of state, I'll attempt suicide. As sad and angry as I am, I don't actually want to die. I'll only cut deep enough so that I have to be taken to the hospital, but I'll make sure my mom finds me.

So as you can tell, I'm not too keen on the whole moving thing. How can I tell my parents that I refuse to leave everything that I know and love?

 

First off, faking suicide will create a completely new set of problems & will likely cause your parents to question your maturity. Running away will have the same effect. Either thing will leave you with parents who no longer trust your judgement & most likely will land you in some sort of facility to get help. (your parents are going to be worried, for good reason)

 

Secondly, you say a lot of "we's" in this & to be blunt, this is up to your parents, not you. If you want to be part of the process, maybe you should consider being mature enough to handle not getting your own way a little better because sometimes, life is going to suck. It is a given & how you deal with it is what is important. Right now, you are showing a lack of maturity & I'm betting your parents see that same thing daily. (maybe that is why they are not weighing your opinion more, because of your behavior.)

 

With that said;

 

I am pretty certain there are reasons for the move that you are not aware of. The property taxes may have gone way up, maybe dad's job is in jepordy, maybe there is some chemical plant polluting the town you live in right now. Who knows? Regardless of the reason, it is up to your parent and they probably won't disclose those things to you.

 

So why not try a constructive approach to a situation you have little control over. It's called compromise.

 

You are moving away (within a days drive) from your friends, but you are 16 so driving is in your near future. Talk with your parents about you getting a job after the move. Then either work towards a license/car of your own, or pay for the cost of visiting with your friends every couple of weeks. It won't be what you want, but it will be a solution & it could be a step towards your parents seeing you are maturing into a young man.