My family is hurting my marriage

[Friendsfirst]

My wife and I have now been married 2 years. She was friends with my sister before we met, in fact that is how we met. They have remained friends but there have been problems that I will tell you about now.

My dad is a very difficult man to get along with. He is very controlling and extremely opinionated. He likes to throw digs at people and cover them up with a laugh and pretend they are a joke. My mom is a long time alcoholic. Although she is sober now, she is living the life of a dry drunk and is extremely needy. My sister is having extreme difficulties in her own relationship; she is highly judgmental and will do anything to cover up something she may have done wrong. There is nothing she does wrong and believes everything to be everybody else’s fault. My brother is normal but his wife is and has always been extremely insecure and judgmental herself.

We were always raised to never question our parents…we kept all our thoughts to ourselves and yet were under an extremely watchful eye by my parents (especially my dad). My wife was raised quite differently. She was taught to stand up for what she believes in and always vocalize the things that upset you. This did cause a few problems early on in her relationship with my family and they seem to have never been forgotten. She now realizes how my family works and has now gotten pretty good at just keeping her opinions to herself. However because of her ways when we first got together I think they have formed an opinion on her and just won’t let it go. I might add in there too that I am not real close with my family for various reasons and I feel they may be blaming her for that. She has never tried to keep me from being close with them. Rather it is my decision. I have struggled with my parents since I was young and the way they are with her just pushes me further away.

We are currently separated and have been working on things. In fact things have been going very well…intermittently. We seem to make good progress and the family will do something to recreate the tension and we take yet another step back. Here’s an ex. My dad had surgery approximately 1 mo ago. The entire family called him prior to surgery went to see him that night and also many days following. When they didn’t go up there they called. My wife had surgery just yesterday. Not one person called her ahead of time and only my dad called afterwards. It’s like no one cares. They all knew she was going in and no one had the decency to call. The family knows where we stand in our separation and know we talk several times a day and see each other several times a week. She and I are still very close. She is always there for my family. She will do anything for them and she has. They are very good at taking, taking, taking and yet when she needs them they’re nowhere to be found.

My sister has now created yet another issue for us. While I was away two weeks ago my sister asked my wife to take her out on our boat behind my back. She stated that I would never know. Well my mom heard my wife talk with me about it and went back and told my sister. She approached me saying she never asked but rather my wife offered. I didn’t say much in return as I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle it. She has since gone to my mom and got her upset with my wife as well as my sister in law. My mother, sister and sister-in-law are now ignoring my wife. It’s like a poison in this family. When one person gets upset they don’t handle it like normal people. They include the entire family and it becomes a huge deal.

I’m at a loss with what to do. I can’t let my wife be treated like this anymore. She’s done nothing to deserve it. She admits she could have handled things differently early on but since has been nothing but great to them. Whether or not they like her or feel she is right for me they need to respect my decision and treat her with respect. I love her and really want to spend the rest of my life with her. They are really making it difficult for my wife and me to fix what we need to fix to make our relationship healthy again. I have backed away so much that I hardly talk with them and yet they always find a way to interfere. HELP please!!