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snowball

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Dear forum reader's

I have a problem that has been causing me great pain since 2006 and I was hoping that someone could help me with.

 

I'm not used to typing at all on anything so pleas be kind on my mistlakes

 

GUIDE LINE

 

Around 14yrs ago my mom visited my brother in another city where he and his then girfriend lived. My brother and my Mom were very cose and loved one another very much, no problem what so ever.

 

When she came back, she told me that she would never ever go back to where my brother and his girlfriend lived and that if my brother wanted to see her he would have to come to herl. I can remember her telling me how badly that she was treated by his girlfriend and that she would never put herself thru that again.

 

More background info......my Dad who was as best a father and husband as he could be had died already so she had gone by herself......I wish I had been there for her'

 

Anyway's I ramble

 

My Brother, and now his wife have moved to a different city, a beautiful ciy in Canada, and have bought a house, my brother begged my Mom to come see the house that he had bought with his wife......she refused...I'm sure she said it nicely to him.....and it really never affected their relationship, because my brother did come to see my Mom and myself when ever he could.......I really think it was an unspoken agreement between the two of them,(he knew why)

 

If your wondering if the now wife came to visit as well....she did and she was welcome in our home......we might of not seen what my brother saw in her....but really it's no big deal to us as my brother loved her very much and seemed happy.......they both have really really good jobs and were dong good enough said.

 

Now in 2006 my Mom who I loved most in the world was diagnosed with ALS My Husband who's a love story in itself and our Son her only grandson and my brother's only nephew took care of her as best we could, until she died......finally.....how could such a wonderful woman suffer so much I'll never know.

 

I now know what a loving Husband and Son will do for there Wife and Mom and Mother-in Law, and Grandma.

 

Around a year later....still very much grieving for my Mom...My brother and I always in contact he say's to me that Me, my Husband, and Son should come for a visit and just wind down and have fun......My brother and I have alway's gotten along...I love my Brother very much, alway's have alway's will.....he's goofy....very goofy.....cuddly....my Husband liked him very much(they have a lot in common) and our Son loved him to because he's a Man that just doesnt want to grow up, but very much liives to his responsibilitys as a man., really what more could you ask for.

 

We set the date May 30th 2007

We fly out.....My boy first plane ride he was thrilled....me to see my brother and my first holidaty since my Mom"s death.....thrilled....My Husband seeing the mountains again......not from my dinky cily in Canada....but a really nice country...(permanent residant).....thrilled.

 

It was awful...

everyone had their day's off of work,we were staying three day's

 

Within the first three hours of being there my Brother said that he had hoped that his wife was going to put in more effort in us being there.

 

She had booked the day's off of work before u;s comming of course along with my Brother, myself and my Husband.

 

She chose to go into work anyway's....trust me she's not a brain surgeon

she wanted to make a point to the three of us that we were not wanted there AT All......and she made it clear to us so bad that I gathered my familly in a unkown ciy, with my Son in his pagama's, on a street corner trying to call a cab. The only time I have talked to my brother since the incident that happened the night before we left their house was when he conntacted me telling me hour much he loved me and how sorry he was....and could you said a cheque for 53000 they screwed up on mom's taxes and we owed abit more...She sent our Son a beautiful picture book of the stuff he did on his holiday......Even though I was hating her out of every pore of my body I thanked her for the memory book for my boy......she knew that I sent the e-mail....but she wrote back to my husband thanking him for sending the thankyou note.....

 

At this last Xmas....there has been absoully no contact from us at all she sent us a card.....no mention of anytthing but at the end it seid all our love....she doesn't even like us....it was so sad.

 

My Husband, My Son have seen me cry very much over this.....I know he loves his wife.....I told him I Love him.....My boy call's his only Uncle names....I tell him not to ...He's is only Uncle.....but he say's but it's true Mom......what can I say, it breaks my heart.....

 

I respect My brother enough that it must be his wish never ot contact me again, he know's I can't phone there.....she'll be there......He has my email,he know's where I work....he know's my phone # and the funny thing is she track's us....we had moved . we bought our first house and I couldn't even share the good new's wilth my brother....My husband got perment residancy .....Our Son is doing great.....and my Boss of 22 yrs passed away....and I can't tell him our accompisments or my personal pain.

 

Should I conntact him????

 

I know he love's me....I really do.....he's my brother the only blood reliltive I have left...

 

My brother is in the middle.......just like with my Mom.....and he doesn't want to make the Wilfe mad...

 

 

But she is mad......she's kinda nutty

 

 

 

sorry so long but it make's me cry

 

Sandra

 

 

P.S I did not remember in anyway what my mom said about being at there house.....I only remembered after I was there, then I remembered what my mom said...It was like a shock wave went thru me....I even told my Brother.....NOW I REMEMBER....

 

I love my brother....in case anyone wonders if drinking was involed....no the environmont there was not for having fun...it was for making us feel unwanted and hated.

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Can you tell me why ur brother's wife acts so indifferently with you and your late mom. You miss your brother then you should call him to your place instead you going there it is obvious that your bother's wife doesnt like you. And I think he can make up a story to his wife and come down to meet you. As far as tracking is concerned I dont think your brother's wife is continous keeping eye on you and your brother , I mean she must be having her own chores too and at that time you both can meet or else you and your brother can meet through a common friend and sort out all differences between you and his family.

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Thank's Bubble's for replying

 

The reason that she doesn't like myself and my Mom as near as I can figure out not being in her head and everything is that my Brother like's us and that were female.

 

My Mom used to say it's like she jealous of their relationship and if my Brother were to like anyone other than herself then that's no good she has to destroy it.

My brother was definitley stuck in the middle and as much as I love my Brother he has no backbone at all.

 

The things that she was screaming at us as we were quickly packing and fleeing were terrible words..But she also screamed out that she doesn't love herself, so how can she love anyone else.

 

That in itself gave me alot of insight to her way of thinking and I told my Brother that maybe she needed some help of some kind.....

 

She got rid of my Mom.......remember my Mom never ever went back there again......but it was my Mom.....so my Brother didn't stay away......I'm just a sister.....so I guess I'm a lilttle bit more expendible (who know's)

 

I do know my Brother love's me......were different people......but lot's of laughs and hugs whenever we were together, I know it's not my Husband

they alway's got along the short times that they were able to meet.

 

So I kinda think A.....maybe he didn't love me and now that Mom died he doesn't have to talk to me again....

or B......if she found out in anyway shape or form that he contacted me he'd be in trouble......I think it's more A though because it's easy to fire off a letter to me without her knowing I mean it will be almost 3 yrs since I heard from him he could of done something.

 

My Brother is a really sensitive type to....so I figure it hurts him to but it might be easier for him to just stay away.

 

But the xmas card was a kicker.....I couldn't even open the card I had someone else do it......She laughed when she read it, and told me to save my tears for someone else because it was absolutly stupid with the love always stuff at the end I dont' even know if my Brother knew that she sent it to us. It was in her writing.

 

Now my Son's xmas card was even more weird they both wrote in it, and in the card my Brother told my Son to take care of his Mother.

 

I think there was a little message in it for me....

Who know's I guess We'll just read about one another in the Obit's one day.

 

I have my family here and I know they love me......but I really miss by Brother alot....I'ts lilke I lost my Mom.....who I took care of for a year and a half......then I lost my brother......then I lost my boss....to much

loss...sorry for the ramble...

 

Snowball

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dancergal85

Your brothers wife sounds a little like my mom. My mom throughout the years has cut out almost everyone from my dads life. When I was on their cell phone plan she would go through the whole detailed report to see who we were calling. I know she checks my dads phone to see if he has called or received any calls from me when I do not talk to her and then she yells at him for talking to me. It's very hard to figure people like them out. From what I have gathered about my mom after asking my grandma (dad's mom) about her. My grandma told me that people told her when my parent's were going to get married that my mom had issues.

 

His wife very well may be jealous of you and your mom. There are also personality disorders that are marked by relationship problems. From living with a mom who seems similar to his wife then I would say your brother probably does want a relationship with you. sometimes it is harder to contact someone who you care about knowing that it can cause a problem with another relationship and he may be trying to not think about the situation in order to cope. Hope this helps you.

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