controlling parents

[mitt]

hi,

im a 25 year old female and my parents abused me growing up. they beat me, neglected me. everything except sexual abuse. they witheld food and cursed at me

 

the abuse winded down as i got into my mid to late teen years and eventually by the time i got to highscool they stopped hitting me..

 

but the verbal abuse conitnued but that died down... but they never became nice, they just grew to accept and give me some respect. maybe also because they got old and didnt have the energy to chase me and hit me through the day

 

anyhow they became decent people who could actually treat me with respect and at times they even became sort of nice to me.. this was when i was about 20 but they still kept some control

 

i applied to college late because of them not allowing me to attend the last years of highschool and because of health problems...

but my father said he would only pay if i went to college near home.

 

so i did, i gave in, i went to college near the house and it wasnt so bad sometimes. i mean home was a comfort just because its something im used to..

i worked hard in school

 

and then i got into a bad accident, and couldnt walk well after that. i ended up at the hospital.. internally bleeding with tons of broken bones

 

 

so i had to quit college before i had enough credits to graduate

 

after i got hurt i lost my mobility, i have trouble to this day getting up the steps, i cant walk well most of the time, im bent and in pains. i have chronic pain every day and found out i have heart condition

you understand, basically i cant work or be independant for now

 

 

so im home, i get free rent but they dont support me. i have to borrow money from people for food and clothes..

my parents are rich my father has 3 cars, he has a large house, biggest house in the neighborhood, we have a pool, which i dont use, a housekeeper which is good because i cannot lift things or bend so i dont need to clean a home and i have some laundry help

 

my parents do not grocery shop, they ususally eat outside the home or at my other sisters home which they pay for...

i am stuck home the whole day because i cant walk well

they decided to stop buying groceries or paying for any household groceries SINCE THEY DONT NEED ANY FOR THEMSELVES... my father has his own small fridge in his office in the basement that i cant get to

 

they are irresponsible. my parents dont eat healthy my mother walks around co0mplaining theres no groceries but they wont pay for any but they can afford to go on vacations 6 times a year, not with me of course

pay for expensive cars, a pool, a maid, pay for my married sisters house and her husbands expensive clothes and her credit cards and their car, they pay for my adult siblings credit cards...

not me tho i dont have a car, they wont pay for any bills for me and i cant work

 

i got desperate and had to borrow a little money from friends and my older sister who is supported by my father, so she allowed me to use her card to buy some inexpensive groceries and some cheap wal mart emergency clothes and vitamins

so the only way for me to get groceries is if my sister lends me money

she stopped doing this so im stuck

 

my parents control me to a point they called up all the nearby food delivery stores and supermarkets and told them not to deliver any food to me or take any orders of mine over the phone unless they give permission

i am 25

i cant walk to a store, i need delivery to survive.. i know my parents have enough money to pay for some groceries and cheap ebay clothes for me and payless shoes if they have money to pay for 3 or 4 credit cards for each of my adult siblings, and pay for their vacations and cars and homes ane expensive jewelery...

so 200 dollars a month is not too much to spend on household groceries or food.

my adult sisters ring up anywhere from 2-4 thousand dollars a month of credit cArd bills THAT MY PARENTS PAY,ONE OF THEM HAS A 10 THOUSAND DOLLAR card limit

 

and i have to sit at home and starve. i talked to the stores and told them im 25 and they didnt listen.

 

i was told that my father does not allow me to have any items delivered to me as a way to control me.. i am a thin person and i have health problems its important for me to get 3 meals a day

 

i have to have my parent call the store first which they normally refuse. but when they do call the store they like to control the order so i barely get anythign. im not ordering anything unusual just normal groceries, bread, juice, cereal bagels, cream cheese, frozen dinners,frozen pizza, cheese, yogurt, chips, snacks,fruit, veggies, canned stuff, the ususal responsible things most households have... but they like to cut down the order so that they barely send anything

 

i got one time a loaf of bread, a pack of cheese,muffins and a container of juice that they expected to last me a week. i went berserk and had to ask them to let them send me more stuff.. and it took me 2 days for them to give in. clearly even a trained money knows thats not enough for more then like a cheap small lunch.

they make me go days hungry and im disabled so i cant walk to a store.

my father yelled and said i can only get food if i walk to a store. which i cant do, i cant walk normally i wobble and have a limp and cannot get down a street.. there are plenty of delivery services for free nearby and he wont allow any

he screams at me and puts me down daily and harrasses me

 

he makes my life a nightmare.

 

my father also dictates my life, he now decided that he will not allow me to go back to college, he decided i cannto marry or date and that i cannot have friends. he monitores who i talk to.. he took my cell phone away so that i use a home phone and theres 2 phones for the line, one is in his home office so he monitores when im on the phone so i have to be sneaky.

he takes my mail and invades my privacy.

i had a friend come over to bring me something and he grabbed it from her and scared her away and yelled and told her not to talk to me

 

he has a plan for my life, he does not want me to go to college, he dosnt want me to work, he dosnt want me seing a dr,he dosnt want me to marry or go on dates, he now dosnt even want me to eat

 

what next?

 

he screams at everything and is 65 years old but hes terifying, hes 6 feet tall and 350 pounds and stomps and yells and is very angry, hes still scary and physically strong and walks fast even tho hes senior age

he dosnt act at all like a pushover old person

 

he made it clear he wants me to not have any sort of independant or happy lifestyle

 

and he took more steps to do so... he calls me an easy victim since im mobility handicapped and cant walk normally now.

 

im trying to heal and recupearate so that if i do get my health back i can look for a student loan and sign up for classes without him knowing.

 

he got an expensive laywer that he paid like 50 thousand dollars to. even tho he cant spare 100 dollars for some groceries for me so i can get healthy

 

and he took out 6 court case papers against me since i got hurt. he lost 4 of them..

the other was thrown out

 

and now he has more control of me, i dont even have conversations with him unless its about something important, like if i have to beg for food

 

he went to court to get adult guardianship on me, which is usually the other way around where young adult kids get control over their senior parents who cant make decisions for themselves so they can put them in a nusring home and manage the senior parents healthcare and finance

 

well he went to court to get it on me and he won because i couldnt get to court because he didnt tell the court i have trouble walking and have no way to get to court. i also did not have money for a lawyer

he lied about me in court and did not say i was at college or anything..

he got a psych dr who never met me to write a letter about me saying im mentally handicapped.

i found out this after the hearing and called the cops but they wouldnt help me since his office is out of state, they want me to drive to the next state to the police in his city and i cant do that because im disabled and cant drive

 

so he owns me legally now even tho im 25, it means i cannot sign a marriage liscense, if i try to leave him he can have the cops bring me back, he can lock me away at his will,i cant sign job papers to work, i cant keep any of my money i might make, he gets it,i cant see a doctor privately, he can always call up and find personal info on me, even if its personal like a butt rash or genycologist visit.

him and i havent had conversation in years because he screams instead of talks.i only talk quickly to him about asking for food or any emergency that happens, like an important phone call for him, or someone is at the door to speak to him.

but its brief and im usually scared he will scream

 

so now he has his plan working for him, he legally controlls me so that i cant leave him, i cant even sign up for food stamps or government money

 

because he will take them. if i try to sneak out the cops will look for me. he can try to lock me away in some state nursing home or looney bin

he has a history to lie about his kids.

 

hes narcisistic, he has a compulsive lying problem, and has trouble managing his money

 

how do i deal with him, i dont even concider him a father with all the garbage he put me through

 

 

i guess he views me as a floormat..

 

the rest of my family dosnt care

 

he expects to continue to control me... and i am disabled i just want to heal and recuparate from my injuries and take care of my health. im not having a free ride or anything.. i just dont want to go into a nursing home or homeless shelter wondering if ill ever walk normally again

 

im also scared of dying because i have heart problems and i want to care for my health

my father does not know any of my health problems, i keep them private. anytime he ever found anything out he torments me about it.. if he sees im week he picks on me...

 

 

how do i stand up to my father. i tried.. theres no way. he views me as a floormat or an item he owns

 

i am scared of him

 

i dont want games. and i am going to try to save up for a lawyer so i can remove this nonsense from the court. i do not qualify for a court order for someone to control me..

[JeezLouise]

There's no way to save up for a lawyer if you have no money coming in. You apparently have friends, so use them to do a few preliminary things. Apply for disability and use a friend's address for mailing. It can take more than a few months to get accepted, so be patient. You can also hire a lawyer for that, and the lawyer is paid out of the "back disability" that you get as a lump sum check when your disability is finally approved (lump sum comes from the date you apply to the date you are approved).

 

Cash your disability checks when they start coming, and hide the money somewhere that you can get to it.

 

Call an attorney, and sue your parents for neglect and for maintenance. If your case is as egregious as you say, then a lawyer would take the case for a 1/3 - 1/2 of the lump sum award, with no money up front.

 

Good luck.

[Eve]

I dont think that this is a genuine post. However..

 

If what you say is true, phone The Police. Wilful starvation should be enough for them to act, nevermind the other active aspects of financial and emotional abuse. A Court Order does not mean that someone owns you. Legislation regarding safeguarding vulnerable adults will stand before a Court Order.

 

Its not important that you understand the ins and outs of everything. Just phone The Police and get out of there.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[mitt]

it is genuine

 

but no the police wont help me even tho they are supposed to, its their job

my father answers the door when they get here and they take his side not mine

 

he always has excuses to tell them for everything and he has the police convinced that im a dangerous mentally ill person who isnt safe in society. he tells the cops that im refusing to take my imaginary antipsychotic medications. even tho theres no prescription that exhists and i dont see a psychiatrist.. the cops just think theyre job is easier to listen to him

not all police stations are good.. the one near me is rotten...they told me i have no proof. there were 2 nyc cops accused of raping women this week. so cops are not all honest even tho they need to help

 

besides the police what would i do even if the cops did decide to believe me? go to a womens shelter? and then what?

 

theres 0% chance the cops will believe me tho since they have a long record on me....i would need a lawyer

 

is there a way to get my father off my case. to back away and act like a human being?

 

while i heal and take care of my health so that i can get well enough to get a desk job or something to start making money so that i can avoid food stamps and living in a rundown project

 

ive seen my parents respect me.. i know they can, they are physically capable of doing it.. why they chose to do this to me now in my most deperate time of my life? i dont kno

its a make or break, i can get well and go to college and become succesful and move 3 states away and run marathons and they wont have to deal with me

 

or i can stay crippled with my health getting worse and stay with them and them always fighting with me and eventually ill need a nurse if my health gets worse

 

i dont even want them to be nice, atleast let them back away and allow me to manage some minor life capabilities like food choices, and providing myself with clothes and necessities

 

the little things i am still capable of they try to take that away, how am i ever going to become a responsible adult whos confident in their decisions if they wont even allow me to call a pizza store and decide what pizza i want to order

i did things like that when i was 13

 

i have less rights now then i did as a teenager

 

 

is there a way to change how a person behaves to you? to reason with them like look sir maam i would like to be financially independant but until them please back away so that i can heal and recover so that i can physically work and then you wont need to be angry at me because ill have money and be out of your way

 

 

 

i am aiming for the right goals in life? health recovery?, a job eventuLLY a future career, a future spouse, a normal life

 

so i guess my goals are good

 

their goals are that i do not have any of that and that i go to a nursing home for life

 

why are they doing this? they know how hard i used to work and how much i wanted a career

 

maybe they need me? and if they know im independant they will have fear?

 

maybe they need to control me and if i get my health back ill be independant

 

 

i heard of a syndrome where parents want to control their adult children and or force them to live with them and they want their kids to be dependant on them years past 21 yrs old.. because they want to be needed so they dont feel old?

 

and parents who make decisions for their adult kids, insisting and demanding, and trying to "raise kids" who are in their 20s and 30s. some delusional thing

 

they think their kids are property or some kind of object they get to tweek and control. parenting is done at 18, discipline too. by 18 years old adults have formed their own opinions and behavior directions and theres nothing you can do

if you didnt teach them or raise them a certain way by then the kids behavior will not be different... you are who you are

 

my parents think they are raising me still and they still attempt to dscipline me, maybe its a sign of alzheimers. they think its 1994 or something

 

they have even mentioned giving me up for adoption when i tried to discuss that i wanted to go back to college and live in a dorm the next time

they told me no and they will get a family to adopt me so that other parents can raise me

 

maybe they have alzheimers? should i be worried

 

instead of marrying and looking into starting a career at 25 which is what most people my age look at, they want me to go off and be rasied and disciplined by who? people my age are parents, many peers of mine have toddlers at home

 

 

i dont even have unusual behavior, im mature but not experienced ya know i havent had a chance to start a career

i just dont agree with what they agree on be allowing them to control stupid things such as food or vitamins or a nice girl my age i can be friends with

 

i can understand not staying out and comig home at 4am, no drugs, no aclhohol, no boyfriends over.. those are normal rules adults can follow while their at home

 

but none of that relates to me, im a generally good person i dont drink or do drugs

i follow normal rules most people expect

 

so they want to dscipline me because i wont allow them to make decisions for me as if im a toddler or in a vegetative state.. i argue back explaining to them that i do need food and i do need vitamins and sneakers and etc

 

their decisions are very bad i dont think its doable for me to live like an 18 yr old mommas boy who got their own apartment and has no groceries..i would like to allow enough groceries to be sent so i can live normally.

i know 18 yr old kids sometimes dont know how to grocery shop so they live off of pretzels, ice cream and potato chips and they just go out to eat..

i cant live like this without a full supply of food

 

i do not agree to go to a nursing home,i dont agree to not have enough clothing or vitAMINS things i need for life

 

they fight over dumb things

[JeezLouise]

There's no way to save up for a lawyer if you have no money coming in. You apparently have friends, so use them to do a few preliminary things. Apply for disability and use a friend's address for mailing. It can take more than a few months to get accepted, so be patient. You can also hire a lawyer for that, and the lawyer is paid out of the "back disability" that you get as a lump sum check when your disability is finally approved (lump sum comes from the date you apply to the date you are approved).

 

Cash your disability checks when they start coming, and hide the money somewhere that you can get to it.

 

Call an attorney, and sue your parents for neglect and for maintenance. If your case is as egregious as you say, then a lawyer would take the case for a 1/3 - 1/2 of the lump sum award, with no money up front.

 

Good luck.

 

PS. Why do the police have a long record of you?

[bean1]

Hmmm.

 

Mitt, you are an adult, correct? 25? Your care options lie in a nursing home or other institutions, which you can become independent from at a later date. Your family is not obligated to care for you for the rest of your life according to your wishes.

 

Is Mitt genuine? Sure. I work in law enforcement and quite frankly, have run into people like Mitt frequently. I think the perception of life is severely distorted and I can only imagine the other side of the story. Mitt, be clear here - what are your mental health issues? You speak of physical disabilities but it is clear that there is some mental health issues going on.

 

I can probably imagine that the history the police have with you is in regards to mental health issues and other similar incidents, which is why they are not bursting down the door to arrest your parents. Your story is NOT LOGICAL and you are clearly leaving out a lot.

[Mahatma]

I do not believe this is real.

 

They told every single food service to deny your orders? I don't think so.

 

There is no food in a pantry anywhere? You know there is no food downstairs in the refrigerator, so you CAN walk to at least that. You have friends of some sort.

 

This is a situation you could get out of, even if it was real. Call another police district, call a news station, get your "friends" to help. You could easily pay one of your friends for rent if you just got even a low paying job.

 

Edit: And you also have long enough access to a computer to write these incredibly long posts?