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My mother is driving me crazy!!


butterflywoman

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butterflywoman

I am having serious issues with my mother. She is a control freak, and shows subtle favoritism to my two brothers (I'm middle child of 3 kids). I can't seem to do anything right.. she loves to point out my imperfections on my accomplishments from my youth, whereas with my brothers how wonderful they are and how great they are at this and that. Now I'm married with several children. My older brother is getting married this summer. She (my mom) is making the bride's gown, and before speaking to me, she (the bride) gave my mom permission/go ahead to make outfits for my 3 girls. I had no issue with that.. I figured, hey, I can make myself a nice outfit and vests for the boys. Now, my mom is taking over THAT as well. Whenever an occasion is involved, my mom wants to do all the sewing for it. I also sew. She sends me on a guilt trip for wanting to make the baby blessing outfits for my kids, so much that I gave in for my oldest daughter's blessing. I have not since, but special church clothes, holiday and birthdays, she claims. I am getting beyond frustrated. I don't have a terrible lot that I CAN do for the wedding, the bride lives in another state, the groom lives with my parents back home, and the brides parents live the same state I do (that's 3 state, one east, one central, one west) so I can't really do the bridal shower or bacherlette parties, the wedding is very informal and is being done by her parents.

 

If my mom has her preferrence she would talk to me daily for an hour or more, and I just don't have that kind of time. My husband is very loving and supportive of me, not controlling in anyway. When I put my foot down about something, she claims he's a controlling spouse, and that she knows whats "really" going on... what do I do???

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curiousnycgirl

I could give you all kinds of platitudes but I'll cut to the chase. You need to stop caring what she says or wants. You cannot change her you can only change how you react/respond.

 

I know it is a lot easier said than done, trust me I've been there. But once you successfully shift your reactions, you willl not believe how liberating it is.

 

good luck to you - feel free to private message me if I can be of any help at all.

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butterflywoman

I don't much care about her opinions, however, she is my mom, and when she puts me down so much it really does hurt. I honestly just want her to leave me alone. I have trying to seriously reduce communications with her,but everytime I do she throws a hissy fit and says I'm trying to keep her away from her only grandkids. Her health is below subpar, and she often uses that to guilt-trip me into what ever she wants (I see it but somehow always fall into the trap.. hmm... how do I break THAT cycle?!?!). I'm open to ideas/suggestions/tips! I don't know how to pm using this forumn.

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I am having serious issues with my mother. She is a control freak, and shows subtle favoritism to my two brothers (I'm middle child of 3 kids). I can't seem to do anything right.. she loves to point out my imperfections on my accomplishments from my youth, whereas with my brothers how wonderful they are and how great they are at this and that. Now I'm married with several children. My older brother is getting married this summer. She (my mom) is making the bride's gown, and before speaking to me, she (the bride) gave my mom permission/go ahead to make outfits for my 3 girls. I had no issue with that.. I figured, hey, I can make myself a nice outfit and vests for the boys. Now, my mom is taking over THAT as well. Whenever an occasion is involved, my mom wants to do all the sewing for it. I also sew. She sends me on a guilt trip for wanting to make the baby blessing outfits for my kids, so much that I gave in for my oldest daughter's blessing. I have not since, but special church clothes, holiday and birthdays, she claims. I am getting beyond frustrated. I don't have a terrible lot that I CAN do for the wedding, the bride lives in another state, the groom lives with my parents back home, and the brides parents live the same state I do (that's 3 state, one east, one central, one west) so I can't really do the bridal shower or bacherlette parties, the wedding is very informal and is being done by her parents.

 

If my mom has her preferrence she would talk to me daily for an hour or more, and I just don't have that kind of time. My husband is very loving and supportive of me, not controlling in anyway. When I put my foot down about something, she claims he's a controlling spouse, and that she knows whats "really" going on... what do I do???

 

You know what,I'm not one to give advice around here as I tend to get myself in a jam,i can't or won't (laziness,I guess) use advice that I'm have been so careingley giving,BUT!!!! NO MATTER!! what! your mom says about you,PU IT IN YOUR HEAD that hey,I'm a great person too!! Your hubby thinks so right?

 

Do you ever talk to the bride to be? Are you two close? Give that a try,and leave your mom out,and just conyinue on doing great things that you do. Thats what I would do. YOUR NOT A NOBODY!!!! Sew the bride something BEATUFUL,that everyone would OOOO,and ahhhhhh about.

 

Good luck butterfy,and have fun at it,if any thing.

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butterflywoman

Weddings in July. I am pretty sure most everything I could do for the wedding is already spoken for. She and I are reasonably close, considering I have seen her a grand total of 2 times that I remember (my family aednd hers knew each other years ago, but I don't have a lot of memories from that period of my life due to a lot of crap I went through when I was young). My brothers are highly impressed with her work, and they really haven't seen any of mine. and what they know of it is from word of mouth from other family members (I don't like to brag about myself nor do I like sending them pictures for them to critique, which they will). My brother, the groom, recommended my mom to the bride, and communciation between me and the bride and groom isn't the best.. they are both kind of air-headed right now. Honestly, I'm to the point that I'm sick and tired of them (my family) communicating with me, because it's always something negative about me, my husband, or my kids/house, something.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Sounds a lot like my girlfriend's mom.

 

Every time my girlfriend puts her foot down like you said, my girlfriend's mom says that I am controlling, as if my girlfriend can not make her own decisions.

 

Her mom thinks she should also call her every day while in college (we're both 19) and that she should come home every weekend.

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