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My Sister and her spending sprees


Juniper22

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My sisters husband passed away a few months ago. He had a heart attack. They have 3 kids. 2 girls and a boy. Anyway since her husband passed she has been getting Social Security checks. She has gone buck wild with it. Its not much she gets but everytime you turn around she is buying new clothes, new tattoos, she is thinking of maybe getting a boob job in the summer. She pretty much just goes wild with it.

 

She doesn't work and hasn't in years. All three of her kids are school age. both girls are in high school and her son in middle school. No, they aren't lacking as far as being taken care of, and I'm assuming the bills are being paid. Which is all that really matters anyway, is that the kids are taken care of and bills are being paid. I'm not saying its not ok to get things they want sometimes. But with her its alot.

 

The family has made a suggestion to her to maybe think about getting a job even if its part time. It will give her something a little more constructive to do to do, besides blow money. She made the comment that she doesn't want to, and wont!

 

My question is, when a spouse dies, and you get a check, is that for life? I thought at some point those checks will stop? Thoughts? So she is bascially living off those checks. Her husband had nothing set aside for them in case something were to ever happen to him.

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My question is, when a spouse dies, and you get a check, is that for life? I thought at some point those checks will stop? Thoughts? So she is bascially living off those checks. Her husband had nothing set aside for them in case something were to ever happen to him.

 

Those checks keep coming until the children reach the age of 18 as each child reaches that age the check she gets stops coming.

 

She is most likely trying to fill a void in her because her heart has an open wound in it.. how tough it must be for your sister to have lost her husband to a heart attack..

I'll bet she could use some sounding board type friends to talk to.. maybe a group that is made up of people that have lost their spouse unexpectedly like she has..

I think you can get information on those type of self help groups from your local hospital.

 

My father died when I was young ( early 20's ) and so was he, he was 50 but all of my younger sisters were also very young and all minors and my step mother got SS checks for each of the 3 of her kids.

 

She didn't use them and put each check into a fund for the child for when they got older.. that wasn't the best decision for one of my sisters , as she turned 18 she got her fund that was worth in the almost 6 figures and the money didn't work well with her..

My step mother wished that she had never saved that money for her in that manner and wished she had just cashed the checks.

 

So even saving the money can have bad effects on the children later on because if the fund is setup right then you cannot stop them from getting the huge chunk of money when they turn 18...

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laRubiaBonita

i agree with Art.... sounds like she is spending to fill the void- to make herself feel better with material things, which doesn't work... because regardless of what and how much she buys the void will still be there.

 

see if you can get her to talk with a counselor.... it would be horrible for her to go to one addiction(shopping) to another- like plastic surgery obsession or alcohol or drugs AND the spending is obviously not going to help her finances.

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Those checks keep coming until the children reach the age of 18 as each child reaches that age the check she gets stops coming.

 

She is most likely trying to fill a void in her because her heart has an open wound in it.. how tough it must be for your sister to have lost her husband to a heart attack..

I'll bet she could use some sounding board type friends to talk to.. maybe a group that is made up of people that have lost their spouse unexpectedly like she has..

I think you can get information on those type of self help groups from your local hospital.

 

My father died when I was young ( early 20's ) and so was he, he was 50 but all of my younger sisters were also very young and all minors and my step mother got SS checks for each of the 3 of her kids.

 

She didn't use them and put each check into a fund for the child for when they got older.. that wasn't the best decision for one of my sisters , as she turned 18 she got her fund that was worth in the almost 6 figures and the money didn't work well with her..

My step mother wished that she had never saved that money for her in that manner and wished she had just cashed the checks.

 

So even saving the money can have bad effects on the children later on because if the fund is setup right then you cannot stop them from getting the huge chunk of money when they turn 18...

 

Thank you! You're right she might could benefit from some kind of support group. I have been over to visit her many times within the past few months. Her kids have come over and we have hung out at my house too! I never really said much because I didn't want to upset the apple cart so to speak. Other members of my family have mentioned to her at least getting a part time job. She seems fine when you talk to her, I'm sure she grieves on the inside though.

 

Her husband was kind of always in between jobs so he never really had any kind of insurance or and kind of back up plan in case he ever passed. It was sudden thing, and very unexpected since he was in pretty good overall health, or so it seemed. I do think you're right about the void to. I think her spending habits right now reflect that. We are just concerned.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm assuming your BIL died at a young age since he left 3 school age children. And unexpectedly. While it is probably safe to assume your sister is filling a gap by over spending....

 

He may have also left life insurance you are unaware of?

If he did not - with her not working, when the 2 in high school turn 18, she will only be getting SS for one child. Thats a small supplement.

 

Also - something to watch for: Was her H the one who took care of the money and bills - or has that sort of thing always been her job? If it is new to her - she may be unprepared and unskilled.

 

Certainly, all you can do are pose these questions - and thats probably enough to at least make her think. Watch out for her a little.

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