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Parents Trying To Ruin My Engagement/Wedding


sunny20

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My boyfriend and I got engaged a few weeks ago and my parents have taken it way too hard. They say he is awful and I could do better (which I don't agree with...he makes me happier than I have ever been in my life). I am very direct in telling them that they cannot change my mind because I love him and want to marry him so I am going to do what I want, but now they are trying to make me feel guilty. My mom is claiming she needs therapy and my dad says I am going to end up living in a shack (highly unlikely because I will be making $90,000 a year ALONE and my husband will be in the Air Force). They are starting to push me to the edge...my mom has all of her friends emailing me "offering advice" and then she sends my dad the emails I write back and tells him that I didn't write them and that my fiance wrote them pretending to be me. He then proceeds to call me and confront me about it. They also refuse to see my fiance when they come to town but claim that it is his fault that they don't know him very well. The last time he came to our house, they kicked him out because he got called into work early and they felt offended like he was trying to leave on purpose. They forced me to stay at home for an extra day before driving back to meet him and they refused to let me talk to him on the phone. My mom also made up elaborate stories about him which were completely untrue and told my ENTIRE family. Apparently she has been doing it for a while but I am just now hearing them and I feel like I am going to go insane. I love my family because they are my family, and I want them to come to my wedding but I don't know if I should have them there if they have it out for my relationship. My dad has also threatened to hire someone to kill my fiance. I could see a family being protective if the man their daughter is marrying is a bad one, but my fiance has honestly been sweet and considerate to them and me from day one. They are absolutely terrified of marriage! Does anyone else have absolutely insane parents? How do you deal with it when they go completely crazy????:confused:

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My boyfriend and I got engaged a few weeks ago and my parents have taken it way too hard. They say he is awful and I could do better (which I don't agree with...he makes me happier than I have ever been in my life). I am very direct in telling them that they cannot change my mind because I love him and want to marry him so I am going to do what I want, but now they are trying to make me feel guilty. My mom is claiming she needs therapy and my dad says I am going to end up living in a shack (highly unlikely because I will be making $90,000 a year ALONE and my husband will be in the Air Force). They are starting to push me to the edge...my mom has all of her friends emailing me "offering advice" and then she sends my dad the emails I write back and tells him that I didn't write them and that my fiance wrote them pretending to be me. He then proceeds to call me and confront me about it. They also refuse to see my fiance when they come to town but claim that it is his fault that they don't know him very well. The last time he came to our house, they kicked him out because he got called into work early and they felt offended like he was trying to leave on purpose. They forced me to stay at home for an extra day before driving back to meet him and they refused to let me talk to him on the phone. My mom also made up elaborate stories about him which were completely untrue and told my ENTIRE family. Apparently she has been doing it for a while but I am just now hearing them and I feel like I am going to go insane. I love my family because they are my family, and I want them to come to my wedding but I don't know if I should have them there if they have it out for my relationship. My dad has also threatened to hire someone to kill my fiance. I could see a family being protective if the man their daughter is marrying is a bad one, but my fiance has honestly been sweet and considerate to them and me from day one. They are absolutely terrified of marriage! Does anyone else have absolutely insane parents? How do you deal with it when they go completely crazy????:confused:

 

Report this to the police, I doubt they'd do much so it's not like you're sending him to jail. But it sends the message that you won't take their crap. :rolleyes:

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Is this new behavior for them, or have they been overly protective before? Where are you living, and who is paying for your living expenses? Who do you think will pay for your wedding, and do you want a large extravagent one?

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Is this new behavior for them, or have they been overly protective before? Where are you living, and who is paying for your living expenses? Who do you think will pay for your wedding, and do you want a large extravagent one?

 

 

They have always been controlling, but not to this extent before. I never really expected them to be happy about the wedding. I am living in an apartment with my roommate and will be moving in with him when we get married. We will pay for everything ourselves, including the wedding...not, I don't want it to be extravagant.

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GorillaTheater

It's your life to live, and if this is indeed a mistake (your parents' view), then it's yours to make.

 

That said, I don't get it. What specifically is your parents' problem with your fiancee? What are their concerns based on? Do they think he's abusive or a potential abuser? Any significant criminal history or addiction issues? What's going on exactly?

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Do they have any reasons to go to such extremes? Not many reasons could possibly be good enough to warrant making up stories, accusations of fraud, and death threats. They sound truly insane - its difficult to believe your entire family has as a group, lost their minds.

 

As to your making 90G a year in the future...but right now living with a roommate. Are you still a student? You need to live in the now - a future salary cannot yet be counted on as reality. If they are currently paying for your education, the decent thing to do would be to wait to marry until you are supporting yourself. Otherwise, they may feel its a slap in the face.

 

But that doesnt matter - you can marry if you are of age. They are under no obligation to be happy about it or to participate. Since they are violently and at least criminally insane...why bother with them? You can still love them, but from afar.

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You are leaving something out of this whole thing. There is no logical reason for a family to go completely insane and do such bizzare things.

 

What haven't you told us?

 

If it doesn't make sense, it isn't true.

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You are leaving something out of this whole thing. There is no logical reason for a family to go completely insane and do such bizzare things.

 

What haven't you told us?

 

If it doesn't make sense, it isn't true.

 

Agreed . There are absolutely 2 sides to this.

 

You either have a very BAD boyfriend and are in denial.

 

Or your parents are whack to go to these elaborate lengths which brings us back to you probrobly have a very bad boyfriend .....

 

And not knowing you , it could be you live in the fantasy world about everything and are not yet MATURE enough to marry.

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