smithbrain Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I have a dire problem and I would like some advice. About 3 months ago my mum was involved in a accident and he needed blood so when i went to the hospital to give her blood I was told that my blood was not a match when I questioned my dad about it he just said "your mum is in real trouble and this is all you can talk about" so I just kept quite. But deep inside my suspicions grew and grew until I could not take it anymore so I went to see a doctor. She suggested that I do a paternity test to find out. I made up an excuse to live with my parents for about a week I finally got hold of some of my dad's hair and nails. The day before I opened the results I stayed up all night praying to GOD that I was their son but when I opened the results it was confirmed that I was not his son. I was so angry and enraged I bought a gun got really drunk and drove to their house 3am at night. When I gave them the results they blindly looked at one another and told me that I was adopted. My mum couldn’t have children so my dad just adopted me and they both raised me as their child. I felt like shooting myself but luckily I was so drunk that my dad was able to take the gun off me and they both took me to my room and put me to sleep. I don't know how to feel right now. I don't know what to do. I am so angry I have been taking it out on my girlfriend by refusing to talk to her and by just walking away after making love to her. I am 23 years old why did they raise me all this time and put me through MIT if I wasn’t their son. I hate myself for all this had it not been a sin to commit suicide I would have done it. I just want this to stop I just want to believe that they are my REAL parents. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I am 23 years old why did they raise me all this time and put me through MIT if I wasn’t their son. Because they loved you for 23 years. And will continue to love you for the rest of their lives. You are their son, in their eyes and hearts. You have two sets of parents. Your biological parents, and the parents who raised you and loved you your entire life. They are all your REAL parents. Yes, they should have told you instead of you finding out like this. But it's not their fault that your biological parents weren't able to raise you themselves. They didn't kidnap you. They adopted you and gave you a home. I'm sure there are support groups for people who find out as adults that they were adopted. It might help to talk to others in your position, or to find a therapist who has experience in this area. Link to post Share on other sites
era Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I am 23 years old why did they raise me all this time and put me through MIT if I wasn’t their son. STOP IT!!!......You are their son. There is no guarantee your blood parents would have ever loved and cared for you the same way. You're being ungrateful. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I get what your saying man I would be upset to, it's like your whole life has been one big freaking lie. You should know that they should have told you when you was able to handle it. Right now you need to breathe. focus on you, getting yourself in shape mentally. It's hard with all that trauma, but stay focused im pulling for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Quinch Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 When is the right time to tell a kid they're adopted? When you're at kindergarden? High school? Would you have handled it better then? Probably not. There's never an easy time for something like that. Some people don't find out until they're in their 30s, 40s or later. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Well I think telling him at 16, is possibly better than letting him believe the lie now isnt it? It was gonna come out sooner or later. Better to know the truth, than living a lie right? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 It's important to inform children of this situation to avoid issues exactly like the one that arose, out of his mum's accident. Just because we adopt a child, there are ways in which they can never be completely ours - and that is genetically. For this reason - and this reason alone, it's vital to have openness. The other problem is, there is no way of telling whether his own genetic parents have any form of hereditary conditions..... This said, I think, psychologically, you're taking it very badly. You have no idea how or why this adoption came about, so it's extremely unwise to focus your anger on your parents. They don't merit this. They took care of you, raised you and loved you all their lives. If you really feel motivated, try to find out the truth by all means. but make sure your desire to know, is fuelled by curiosity, not hatred and anger. Resentment against your parents is both misguided and unfair. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 How did you figure your parents weren't your biological parents just b/c you don't share the same blood type as your mom? Your first thread here on LS back in Sept. 2008 mentions that you lost your mom when you were young, that your father raised you all by himself. So which is it? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 WTF? Are you in creative writing class or something? My mum died when I was 8.5 and for a while my dad blamed me for her death then he eventually stopped blaming me and just ignored me and kept himself busy with his work. He eventually stopped doing this as well and realized his mistake and to his credit he tried to rectify his mistakes and reach out to me but I just put on a smile in front of him and pretended everything was ok but in reality by then I learnt how to make myself hard, numb and selfish to a point where I couldn’t feel anything for anyone I remember there was a park where mum used to take me before she died where all the other kids in my school used to come to play and after she died I used to go there and see the other kids there and it burned me up with jealousy inside Luckily I grew up in a small town and I met a girl who was my girlfriend, my best friend my soul mate until I ended it. Anyway I always found solace and comfort in her arms but I never opened up to her I just pretended everything was fine. Every time after we made love I would find an excuse to just get up and leave because I was scared that she may figure out that I was emotionally distressed. After high school fortunately I had good enough marks to get into MIT. So one day I decided that I was going to end it with her but I will not tell her I would let her find out on her own and to stop myself from thinking too much about her I burned all the memories I had of me and her together presents, love letters, everything. While I was studying there me and 2 other friends founded a small engineering firm and thankfully with time our business grew. During my studies I always made excuses after excuses not to visit home as I didn’t feel anything for my dad. Anyway after graduating I decided to visit dad and being a small town a friend of mine told me that she become pregnant with my child after I left and that I have a daughter. At first I didn’t want to believe it I dismissed what he said by saying it was not my child then he said “if you don’t believe me go ask your dad about her. He financially supports the mother and the baby. They also visit him every weekend”. On Saturday I told my dad that I was going back and left early in the morning. I went to a friend’s house and stayed there until about 11:30 Then I decided to go back and confront them both. I had the keys to the house and I found them all in the back yard. I told my dad what my friend had told me and asked him if it was true. To my utter surprise he didn’t even try to hide it. He just said if you don’t believe this is your child then have a look at her eyes. At this point I was very angry and I didn’t want to believe that she was mine. But as I looked into her eyes all the anger I felt just vanished and for the first time in my life I really and sincerely felt ashamed of myself. When I left she e-mailed me but I deleted her e-mails without reading them she wrote letters to me I returned her letters without opening them and now she was the mother of my baby. For the first time in my life I was lost for words I just approached her and got down on my knees took her hands looked her in the eyes and said “Please forgive me because I can never forgive myself”. For the past 5-6 years I cared for nothing but making money. But now all my money seems useless to me. I have thought about going to Jerusalem to ask GOD for forgiveness. All I want to do now is be with her again and redeem myself for not being their for my daughter. Where do I start? How do I go about gaining her trust again? How do I let go of the horrid memories and deamons of my childhood? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 "Oooooooooh what a tangled web we weave When first we practice to deceive."* This should be interesting....... *(Sir Walter Scott, 'Marmion'.) Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 He's consistent in that he goes to MIT and withdraws after "making love"... Next, we'll be hearing about his attempts at thwarting terrorist attempts in his neighbourhood. Jack, is that you? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I am 23 years old why did they raise me all this time and put me through MIT if I wasn’t their son… I just want to believe that they are my REAL parents. some folks get lucky and share a bond of love, and it sounds like this is what happened in your case. Maybe they were afraid to let you in on this knowledge because they felt it could hurt someone; maybe they worried that you couldn't feel their love if you knew you were adopted; maybe they just couldn't figure out the best way to tell you and instead concentrated on loving you because in every sense of the word, you are their child. Blood ties are strong, yes, but love ties are equally, if not more, stronger, because it's willingly giving of self. they are no less your real parents than you imagine your birth parents are – they raised you, provided for you, cared for you, spoiled you ... basically treated you like you were their own flesh and blood, didn't they? I don't see how a drop of blood is going to make you anymore of a "real" family than what they've given you. you are 23, not three. I know this comes as a shock and a disappointment, but dude, you need to man up when you're dealing with this. Everything they invested in you is precisely what parents invested in their kid. especially the part about MIT – I think you have been incredibly blessed that these folks wanted this for you they gave out of love. Link to post Share on other sites
sfsassy Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 When is the right time to tell a kid they're adopted? When you're at kindergarden? High school? Would you have handled it better then? Probably not. There's never an easy time for something like that. Some people don't find out until they're in their 30s, 40s or later. My sister, who is 6, is adopted, and she has always known. In her case she is from Vietnam, and we are caucasian, so questions probably would have arisen early if we hadn't told her! That being said i think honesty is always the best policy very early in the case of adoptions. In my parents' case they have told my sister that her birth family loved her so much that when they realized they couldn't raise her, they put her up for adioption so she could find a family to have the life she deserved. My parents also have told her how happy they were to have found her, and that our family wouldn't have been complete without her. Every year we celebrate "happy family day" on the day her adoption was completed and we became a family. She is a VERY confident, and sweet, little girl secure in the knowledge that she is deeply loved by all of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Quinch Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 My new nephew is adopted. He's 2 and officially became part of the family last week Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Gotta be honest, I'm with the creative writing class theory. It's possible you went to MIT, but trust me: while MIT guys aren't always known for their EQ, they generally understand cause and effect and are not generally dumb enough not to understand why a woman wouldn't want to be their mistress. (See OP's other threads.) IF this is adoption part is true (and how can it be if your first thread said your mom died when you were a kid?), then you are inappropriately directing your anger at the two people who probably love you most in the world. And paid a hefty sum for you to go to MIT, to boot. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 If this is not an exercise in creative writing, the OP has much bigger issues than just being adopted. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Every year we celebrate "happy family day" on the day her adoption was completed and we became a family what a lovely, lovely tradition! and quinch, congratulations on the new little one in the family ... Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 This is what you wrote on September, 2008: My mum died when I was 8.5 and for a while my dad blamed me for her death then he eventually stopped blaming me and just ignored me and kept himself busy with his work. He eventually stopped doing this as well and realized his mistake and to his credit he tried to rectify his mistakes and reach out to me but I just put on a smile in front of him and pretended everything was ok but in reality by then I learnt how to make myself hard, numb and selfish to a point where I couldn’t feel anything for anyone and now you wrote this: I have a dire problem and I would like some advice. About 3 months ago my mum was involved in a accident and he needed blood so when i went to the hospital to give her blood I was told that my blood was not a match when I questioned my dad about it he just said "your mum is in real trouble and this is all you can talk about" so I just kept quite. Link to post Share on other sites
Quinch Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 and quinch, congratulations on the new little one in the family ... Thanks But I think he'll start to become suspicious of his origins when he realises that he hasn't inherited his dad's ugly mug Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 This is what you wrote on September, 2008: Blah blah blah and now you wrote this: More Blah blah blah..... I'm waiting for Smithbrain to come back with news about his long-lost brother....you know.... the one that was found at a disused railway station, in the mid-west, quite by chance, by a pack of meerkats, and brought up as an anteater.... now all he does is stick her tongue down holes....... It's so sad......... And yet useful at the same time. He's apparently very popular with ladies, as he can also breathe through his ears.... Stay tuned...... Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 And this one, too, from October. "Hello I recently bumped into this problem When I was in high school I went out with a girl for about 2-3 years she was my sweetheart but she was real party girl we talked about it and I told her that you can party all you want but NO DRUGS. Eventually she ended up taking drugs and almost overdosed when I found out I dumped her as I didn’t want to share my life with a druggie. She was real heart broken over it and she kept asking me for a second chance but I stood by my decision. After that I went off to college but about 2 months ago And I moved back home and met her at a friends house we started talking and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together I admit I may have led her on a little bit by saying things like “I love you”, “I really miss you”, “I want us to be together again and this time forever”. But eventually I decided to get rid of her and told her politely in private at a mutual friend’s party that I didn’t want to see her anymore. She caused such a big commotion it humiliated me and since then she has been coming into my office randomly and ringing my mobile in the middle of the night. I had an important meeting with a client one day and she was able to come right into my office because she told my employees that she was my girlfriend. My dad suggested that I may have been too harsh with her but I made up my mind I don’t want her. What do I do to get rid of her this time forever?" Dude, you're a whackjob. Link to post Share on other sites
wicar Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 I have a dire problem and I would like some advice. About 3 months ago my mum was involved in a accident and he needed blood so when i went to the hospital to give her blood I was told that my blood was not a match when I questioned my dad about it he just said "your mum is in real trouble and this is all you can talk about" so I just kept quite. But deep inside my suspicions grew and grew until I could not take it anymore so I went to see a doctor. She suggested that I do a paternity test to find out. I made up an excuse to live with my parents for about a week I finally got hold of some of my dad's hair and nails. The day before I opened the results I stayed up all night praying to GOD that I was their son but when I opened the results it was confirmed that I was not his son. I was so angry and enraged I bought a gun got really drunk and drove to their house 3am at night. When I gave them the results they blindly looked at one another and told me that I was adopted. My mum couldn’t have children so my dad just adopted me and they both raised me as their child. I felt like shooting myself but luckily I was so drunk that my dad was able to take the gun off me and they both took me to my room and put me to sleep. I don't know how to feel right now. I don't know what to do. I am so angry I have been taking it out on my girlfriend by refusing to talk to her and by just walking away after making love to her. I am 23 years old why did they raise me all this time and put me through MIT if I wasn’t their son. I hate myself for all this had it not been a sin to commit suicide I would have done it. I just want this to stop I just want to believe that they are my REAL parents. My friend you don't know how lucky you are to find such good parents. Your parents have loved you so much that they hid the truth from you. Don't be angry be thakful to them for showing you so much love and raising you up. Do you know each year how many children are left in garabage by their own parents. Do you know how many people abuse their children. Do you know how many foster parents abuse their children. Out of the odds you are extremely lucky to have such parents. Your parents must be woderful people for, when they knew that your mother can't have bab's they have decided to adopt you. Just don't think they are your foster parents......... They have raised you for 23 years..... They love you like their own child, and you too love them as if your biological parents..... Just don't think that you are adopted.... If you try to do anyting stupid (as you said suicide) It will not only hurt you but it will very badly hurt your parents feelings. Is it why they raised you as their won child for 23 years, to see u shoot your self...... and don't show you anger to your girlfriend.... she is not your parents to bare anything you do...... she might leave you..... It's in your hands accept the truth...... just be yourself..... everything will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 I was told that my blood was not a match when I questioned my dad about it he just said "your mum is in real trouble and this is all you can talk about" so I just kept quite. But deep inside my suspicions grew and grew until I could not take it anymore so I went to see a doctor. She suggested that I do a paternity test to find out. I made up an excuse to live with my parents for about a week I finally got hold of some of my dad's hair and nails. The day before I opened the results I stayed up all night praying to GOD that I was their son but when I opened the results it was confirmed that I was not his son. I was so angry and enraged I bought a gun got really drunk and drove to their house 3am at night. When I gave them the results they blindly looked at one another and told me that I was adopted. My mum couldn’t have children so my dad just adopted me and they both raised me as their child. I felt like shooting myself but luckily I was so drunk that my dad was able to take the gun off me and they both took me to my room and put me to sleep. I don't know how to feel right now. I don't know what to do. I am so angry I have been taking it out on my girlfriend by refusing to talk to her and by just walking away after making love to her. I am 23 years old why did they raise me all this time and put me through MIT if I wasn’t their son. I hate myself for all this had it not been a sin to commit suicide I would have done it. I just want this to stop I just want to believe that they are my REAL parents. Is blood-type genetic? You know, dominant/recessive. That should answer questions. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Pill Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Of course blood type is genetic... There's A, B, AB, and O, not to mention rh + or - Using this is a quick way to determine if you're NOT a child of 2 individuals if you don't match, but not specific enough to prove you ARE if you do match. Link to post Share on other sites
Shellz937 Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 You have every right to feel betrayed by your parents. But you must think to yourself that just because they aren't your flesh and blood they raised you and brought you up to be the person you are today. Yes, you are angry but with some communication with them (and I don't mean shouting and swearing) things will work out. Remember family isn't about genetics its about those you want to be around. You still love this couple and the couple still loves you. Take a couple of deep breaths, thank this couple for taking you in, and if it really and truly bothers you that these people who have raised you your entire life aren't biologically your family. You can have the adoption file opened up and located your real parents. But remember before you do this, this is a can of worms you are about to open. Link to post Share on other sites
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