Girasole Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 A lot of people probably aren't going to understand WHY it bugs me so much... and it's true, there are people with much worse problems. I get that. There are people who are born in the wrong body... they are called transgendered, as we all know. They really belong to the opposite gender and they have the wrong body, and many have gender reassignment surgery and go on to live relatively normal lives. Is it unreasonable to suppose that some people are born with the wrong name? But, I can't help it, this has been buggin me for a long time and lately it's been driving me crazy. This sounds kind of crazy, but I feel like I was born with the wrong surname. I hate the name on my birth certificate, and I feel like it isn't even my true name. I feel like I was meant to be named something else. I don't want to say what it is but I REALLY hate it. Let's just say it's Jones (it's not, but something similar). I realize I could take my husband's name if I were to marry... but I HATE that tradition. I don't want to feel like my husband's property. No offense to women who took their husband's last name, but I just don't think it's right for me. I want an identity of my own. Besides, I'm 29 and I'll probably never get married. I hate it, I think it's ugly, and I don't identify with it!! I can't help it. I can't BEAR to be called Ms.Jones. Every time I go to the bank and the clerk calls me Ms. Jones, I feel like she's just slapped me. I know she didn't mean to offend me, but I almost would rather she slap me. I just cringe when I hear it. I have a VERY generic full name. I feel like people need to have a sense of individuality. I want a unique name that uniquely identifies only me. I can't walk down the street without tripping over another Sara Jones. I can't bear to be asked my name because of the knee jerk reaction: Oh, that's a common full name. I want a name that people will respond to with: "What a beautiful name." I don't feel like a unique individual, I feel like some PRODUCT that was mass produced on an assembly line, from a mold. Being mediocre gal is such a drag. The name makes me feel like a nobody. It says, "Just another generic girl." It's more of an insult than a name. I am sorry this is kinda long, but here's another thing. This is gonna sound crazier, I know. I always felt like I didn't belong. I was born and raised in USA. There's nothing wrong with USA, I just always had this feeling that I didn't belong here. I always felt out of place, like I was supposed to be somewhere else. I remember telling my mom that I wished I had been Spanish instead of American (I was a kid, don't forget!!). I read about Spanish culture as a young kid and longed to be part of that world, out of the USA and speaking Spanish. I was thrilled when she told me I had a great grandfather from Spain. Then I learned about surnames and nationality... and I just feel like an American surname isn't me. It makes me upset and angry that I got an American surname because people can't tell I have Spanish blood. I feel like the latin in me is being supressed or extinguished when people call me Ms. Jones... I feel like I'm being forced to wear a garment that doesn't belong to me. I identify with latin culture and I hate being labeled as an outsider from the world I want so much to be a part of. I'm completely mixed in terms of ethnic background and all my Spanish speaking relatives are long dead. I'm probably 1/16 of 16 different countries but I love latin culture so much. It's easy to understand why people love latin culture but I am not sure why I was so obsessed as a kid that I wanted to be part of that world. I feel like I'm being slandered when people call me Ms. Jones, or like I'm being forced to wear someone else's ugly old shabby sweater. Latin culture is practically half my life and I want a name that identifies me with it. I feel like I SHOULD have a Spanish surname, it's my heritage. I've lived most of my life in North Carolina, but it doesn't mean anything to me because my heart was never here. I can't bear this horrible surname anymore. I hate it, it's ugly, and I don't identify with it. I want to legally change it but I feel guilty about hurting my family. I'm so sick of it and I don't want to live with a name that I hate. I don't want to live with a name that labels me a dorky gringa wannabe when latin culture is part of my heritage. On the other hand, my family will be hurt if I change it. This is driving me crazy. Every time someone asks me what my name is, I cringe. I can't bear to say it's Sara Jones because I feel like I deserve a name I can cherish. A real dilemna... I want to be rid of the hated surname once and for all, I don't want to hurt my family and I HATE the idea of taking a husband's surname. I want my own identity, not to be some guy's appendage If you can help me thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 If it's annoying you that much change it , simple. It's only a name. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I have a name that's almost as common as Sara Jones, and it's never once bothered me. We're close in age as well (I'm 30), and have considered taking my H's name when I marry, but the more time that passes, the more I'm associated professionally with my given name...and that's fine by me. So I really cannot relate to why it bothers you so much. Here's a thought: change your name. It CAN be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Saint Valentine Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I can't bear this horrible surname anymore. I hate it, it's ugly, and I don't identify with it. You don't legally need a surname. I actually know somebody who just has a first name. Problem solved. Unless your first name is equally pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 adopt a nickname and run with it. I did with mine, and half my friends IRL call me "quank" ... I'm sure you'll find a lovely, lovely spanish name that you can go by. Or, if you can translate one of your names to spanish, even better: Sara ~ Sarita ... etc Link to post Share on other sites
ShoeGirl Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I have a cousin who legally got rid of her last surname and took on her middle name as her legal last name, when she married she didn't change it. A year or so later she decided to get pregnant and decided she wanted the same name as her child and her husband so now she uses her middle name professionally and both last names socially. Is your middle name any better for you? Why not drop your surname? Link to post Share on other sites
CandyGirlXO Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I hate my last name due to hating my real father. I am changing it after taxes, long over due! Just do the same, I am taking on my mother's madien name instead. I seriously hate my last name, and all it does is remind me how much I hate my father. So I understand. My brother did the same when he turned 18. I am 26 and just about to do it. I should have done it at 18, but I thought I would have been married by now... but thats probably not going to happen for me either. So I will file soon. Good luck. You could change your name to whatever you want it to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I tried to get my wife "not" to take my last name when we got married, but she was set on it. She's asian and her last name is long and generates stereotypes so I can understand why she took mine. I thought a good compromise would be for us both to change our names to something unique to us. She didn't want that either. Anyhoo, completely pointless ramble... bit like the OP. You don't like it: change it. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 In the UK it's much harder to change your first name, for legal purposes, than it is your surname. You could adopt your mother's maiden name if you wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 beyond a name change. you'd be doing yourself a favour by moving to a more spanish part of the world and actually living the culture. go for it - you only live once. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I don't get why its THAT big a deal when its such an easy thing to fix. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 (you're gonna call it "Wonderbaby"...? And the OP thinks she's got problems....! ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girasole Posted February 25, 2009 Author Share Posted February 25, 2009 Thanks Everyone. I definitely want to change it. Having a common full name sucks because as a kid I was always running into other kids with the same full name. Another Sara Jones in my school, fifty other Sara Joneses at the library, always getting another Sara Jones's mail. I've never had a sense of identity... I've always felt like just another girl. I can't cherish a name like that. I can't cherish a name that labels me as just another generic girl... you understand. Thanks for listening to me and writing me back. It means a lot to me Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 A generic name doesn't necessarily mean you are a generic PERSON. Whats in a name? Its who you are that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girasole Posted February 25, 2009 Author Share Posted February 25, 2009 It's annoying to share a full name with so many people... I feel like some things should be sacred. People need to have a sense of individuality. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 We share lots of things with lots of people. If you get hung up on that, then you will be worrying about alot of things. The people you pass in the street don't know your name- yet you can still convey your sense of individuality to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Your name is the least important thing about you. Melodramatic much? Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Your name is the least important thing about you. Melodramatic much? I thought it was only me that didn't "get" it. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestory5 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 My dear. Of course you should change your name. It is allowed. Don't come into stress or depression because of it. It will be worse fo you only. And also be more sure in yourself. People get married at age 40, 50, 70. 29!!!!!! Are you crazy? Of course you will get married. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 A name, is simply a label. A label we give to our children in order to make US happy! If you don't like your name, change it. Legally or just by osmosis. My name is an Irish name as my family is... but I go by my nickname. But.... it's no fun at work when people ask you why you are called by the name of a helicopter (even if it's also the name of the warm winds which melt the snows off the Canadian Rockies). Link to post Share on other sites
Chat Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I have a Russian first name - its unique outside of Russia - its nice BUT I am forever spelling it - and I always hear - 'OH thats a lovely name - where is that from? How did you get named that?' its gets tiring - and humiliating - there have been times when my name was to be called out somewhere (drs etc) they cant say it so the have say Mr Chat - *gringe* then I get up - cant mistake me being a woman and people have a look on their face "Did she used to be" Its just a name - love it or change it Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 My dear. Of course you should change your name. It is allowed. Don't come into stress or depression because of it. It will be worse fo you only. And also be more sure in yourself. People get married at age 40, 50, 70. 29!!!!!! Are you crazy? Of course you will get married. Good luck. hate to be a downer...but there is no guarantee anyone is going to get married. I know I'm not, I'm 27, I've given up. It's not happening to me. (My last name sucks too btw) Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 hate to be a downer...but there is no guarantee anyone is going to get married. I know I'm not, I'm 27, I've given up. It's not happening to me. (My last name sucks too btw) Oh for pitys sake. Negative much? I met my H on my 29th birthday. Still a chance for you... Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I have a relatively unique name, it's alliterative, 3 syllables each and sort of flows. BUT, I didn't use to like it, and I didn't say it with pride. I now introduce myself full name, hand extended, with a regal nod, and honestly I think it's more the delivery than the name. But, names are fun, and I too like original names, gave my daughter one. You don't even need to change it legally right away, just start using a new name socially. ( this works better if you are moving to new surroundings, I used a nickname in my first year of college, and if I was to run into those people they would prob still call me by that.) Also I do theater, so some people will still call me by character names, and I am also used to portraying different personas. For fun, give it a try : think of a name that personifies what you want to be. The use it when out and ACT like that confident, fun, sassy person that your new name conveys. As for never marrying due to your advanced age, lol. I've never taken either husbands name for the same reasons you stated, but puhleeeeze : I'm 42 and recently married the most darling man in his 20's who thinks I hung the moon and stars ! Life is long and strange and can be whatever you decide you want it to be !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 It's annoying to share a full name with so many people... I feel like some things should be sacred. People need to have a sense of individuality. But I think one's true sense of individuality comes from somewhere deeper than just one's name. So while you are struggling to find your individuality, you have focused on your name, but that may just be a symptom of what you feel missing. (Your spanish/american duality may be a similar situation.) I would be encouraged if you changed your name and that solved all your issues, but on the other hand, I'm concerned that you might still end up being a person with a unique name, but still aimless as to where you fit in, and where your individuality and uniqueness lies. I suppose it's kind of like the boob-job argument: do you actually end up developing substantial self-esteem? Or do you just end up the same messed-up person with bigger boobs? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts