sb129 Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Hey everyone. Just want to vent really. 2009 has been a real rollercoaster already, and I want to get off! As some of you know, I got married just after New Year, and there was a bit of drama with that as my Dad was quite unwell and ended up going into hospital the day before. He was allowed out to come to the wedding, and then went back in for more tests. The wedding was great, but my dad was too unwell to really enjoy the parts he did get to. He paid the bill too, which makes me feel pretty guilty. Turned out its cancer, and quite a nasty kind. The doctors aren't too positive about it, and there is a chance that he may not see his 60th birthday. (He is in his late 50s). Our family is all too familiar with cancer treatments and outcomes, and is struggling with this latest diagnosis. What makes it exceptionally difficult to be positive is that a close family friend lost her battle to cancer at the end of last year, AND my uncle who we were all close to died from terminal cancer last weekend. My new husband and I have just got back from five days of funeral/wake/family grief and accompanying my Dad to hospital appointments. We are grieving for a loved one and his family, and we are terrified we are going to lose another one. I am back at work (they have been pretty understanding, and I don't want to take too much time off as I may need more time further down the track). I am totally exhausted and emotional. One day at a time is the mantra we are repeating to ourselves.... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Sweetheart, I can relate. ((hugs)) My Dad just had an ortho-biopsy for lung cancer. We're waiting for the results. He's never smoked a day in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sb129 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Share Posted January 22, 2009 Oh bollocks to that TBF. Really really sorry to hear that. I know how you must be feeling- waiting is awful. I have been playing through too many scenarios in my head and looking up waaaay too much on the internet (I have stopped- don't do it please, take my advice on that). ((((((Hugs to you))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 I am stunned and speechless at what you are both going through. I am so very sorry. I know there are no words that can possibly make you feel better - but please trust, you are in my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 as trite as this will sound, SB, you've got to find positive things to focus on in the midst of all this grief and sadness – I imagine your dad is thrilled to see you happily married, and reassured that you will have someone to care for, be with and love you after he's gone. Because that's how daddies think, you know? as hard as this is, take things day by day, or you'll be overwhelmed. this time last year, we were told that my dad wasn't going to see Easter ... but he made a liar out of the doctor and lived 'til November. It was hard seeing him go through the stages of dying, but in a way, we were given a 9-month reprieve to help him do the things he wanted/needed, and that was a blessing. And I hope you get to experience something similar with your dad, that you're able to receive more blessings than bad news. many, many hugs, quank Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Hugs, sb129. I am sad that you must go through such uncertainty and pain so close to your great day of joy. However, I think that in the future you will look back and be so thankful that you had your dad with you on your wedding day with as much health as he had. Having never lost a parent yet, I cannot completely relate, but losing someone close to you is heartbreaking in so many ways. Keep us updated. I will be thinking of you. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Sb, When I saw the pictures I thought to myself what a handsome man your father is. He also reminded me a lot of my Dad. Same beautiful hair! I am so glad that he could be at your wedding. He must have been so proud. I hope the doctors are wrong and that he has many,many more years ahead of him. Sometimes miracles do happen. Wishing you strength and endurance. M Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Sometimes miracles do happen. so very, very true – the doctors can only guesstimate, at best, but your dad is on his own schedule. *grin* the joke in our family was that Daddy had a hollow leg that housed an extra kidney. Because how else could he have lived that long with no kidney function, and a severe diabetic on top of that? SB, just keep looking for the blessings through all of this, it does wonders for your sanity. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 sb, my mother went through breast cancer and defeated it through attitude and modern medicine. Keep your chin up! And thanks. I wouldn't have mentioned it except to say that I can relate. It might just be non-malignant or a simple inclusion, so it's not anything that should be stressed about until there's certainty and even then, it won't help my Dad's attitude, an attitude that has to remain positive. Let's both just be the rocks for our family! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Sorry to hear about your dad - I know how hard that is to see a parent suffer and go through cancer..My heart hurts for you all. Each day take time for you..Whether it be a 30 minute hot bath or just laying down listening to music, watching TV - Something that will relax you and keep you sane during this rollercoaster ride. Also, don't forget to laugh! Humour is so important, even at the worst of times. Hang in there and vent away anytime you need to! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 I almost cried when you told me this yesterday. ((((SB)))) [You need new initials now, btw.] You are such a rock, you amaze me. And I'm so thankful you have Wonderboy to support you through this difficult time. xoxo Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 WWIU's post has prompted me to ask, what kind of support system do you have in place? Are your siblings doing whatever they can to ease the burden of responsibility there now exists for your dad? Do you have a good outlet for venting? A shoulder to cry on? Someone to listen when you need? You'll always have it with us, but having that resource in real life makes a huge difference ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sb129 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 Thanks everyone- its really nice to have support from you guys! Q- my brother doesn't live near me, but he is pretty good to talk to. He is disabled as the result of an accident about 10 years ago, (another tough time for our family!!) so has his own issues, but we are talking about things. My mum is incredible- she and I have talked a bit about stuff, but I worry that she keeps too much inside- she did that when brother had accident, and it took awhile to manifest in other ways. In a way I am more worried about her than I am about my Dad. She has some pretty good friends who live near her though and a sister. One thing about the last week- my family live in a small town, and the way the community have pulled together to help my aunt and my Dad has been overwhelming at times. We have had food deliveries, offers of lifts to the hospitals, helpers on the farm- they have it all covered. I have a good family who are pretty close knit, and I have some amazing friends, a few of whom have lost parents to cancer themselves, so they are being a great source of support. And of course I have my wonderful husband, who is being just amazing. I love him so much. His family live near mine, and are being really supportive too. So in that respect, we are very lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Sorry to hear this, sb. Hope your dad gets the best treatment available. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 am very glad you've got such a strong support system, though what you've shared about the community input just amazes me – aren't small towns the greatest? hugs, quank Link to post Share on other sites
Author sb129 Posted April 26, 2009 Author Share Posted April 26, 2009 Hello, just wanted to update everyone that has been so kind and supportive. My dad passed away last week after a short and horrible battle with his cancer. I was with him when he died. Still kinda numb and in shock, even though we have had the funeral, which was pretty special as far as funerals go. Have spent the last week helping my mum organise the funeral and deal with the many visitors and phone calls she received. Also helped her afterwards start to sort out dads affairs etc, although there is no rush there. I still can't believe he won't be here when our baby comes- he was so looking forward to it. Its very sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 I thought that might be the case after seeing some stuff on FB. I'm so sorry for your loss, SB. (((Hugs))) I'm glad you were able to spend the last few moments with him. I really wish I had that chance when my grammy passed. I know how much you love him. But your father was a lucky man too, as he had a fantastic daughter. While he might not be physically present when the baby is born, he knew of your joy in that regard and will be with you in spirit when you welcome that beautiful baby into the world. Xoxo Link to post Share on other sites
Author sb129 Posted April 26, 2009 Author Share Posted April 26, 2009 Thanks. Am going through the normal grief process right now. Sadness, anger, etc. It feels so unfair that he died so young when my grandmother is 92, and frail and desperate to die. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 lo siento ... my condolences ... and many, many hugs to/prayers for you and your family. SB, I'm guessing the knowledge that you were pregnant was the high point of this time for your dad, especially knowing that you not only have the love of a good man, but a rugrat of your own to shower love on ... and that would ensure the circle of love goes on in your family. Besides, I think grandparents KNOW about happy news like that and naturally track it from wherever they are! meanwhile, I'm glad your mama has such strong support in you ... you are her blessing right now. XXX, quank Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 How very sad! My heartfelt condolences, SB. I have an image in my head of your father giving you away at your wedding. What a handsome picture you both made! I am truly,truly so sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 SB I am so very sorry to read of your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family and I am sending huge hugs. There is nothing that I can say to take the pain away, just know I am sending hugs, and my thoughts are with you all. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 (((sb))) I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sb129 Posted April 26, 2009 Author Share Posted April 26, 2009 Thanks everyone. The stages of grief are alive and well, I fluctuate between anger and sadness. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 (((sb))) My thoughts are with you and your family. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 I'm so sorry to hear this - you have my condolensces. I lost my Dad in 2006 to cancer and it was a difficult time there for about a year. You have a lot to deal with right now so take your time and go easy on yourself... Link to post Share on other sites
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