My dad ...

[Quinch]

.... really annoys the **** out of me sometimes. I don't think he does it deliberately but he has an uncanny talent for getting in my way and pissing me off. Don't get me wrong - he's never got drunk and beaten me or anything like that. We have almost nothing in common except a shared surname. I don't hate him - we're just completely different people. I think I might get on better with him if I moved far away.

 

Until last year he was a local councillor. He had been a councillor for 20 years and I suspect that, in his head, he still is. He can't adjust to being a normal human being again. He has no interest in anything outside politics.

 

I learned long ago never to get into a discussion with him about anything political because he will always take the opposite argument and will never give in. Even if he doesn't believe his argument he just loves to play Devil's Advocate and beat people into submission for expressing an opinion of their own. It's his favourite sport. Of course, we mere mortals are not allowed to have opinions. We are poor, dumb animals and need politicians to guide us and make all our decisions for us.

 

Sometimes people ask me why I, as the son of a councillor, have never shown any interest in entering politics myself. The honest answer is that I have grown up surrounded by politics and am completely sick of it. I hate confrontation and all the bull**** that goes with it.

 

I'm just venting here because he winds me up so much. I can't help thinking of the Phillip Larkin poem. It seems so appropriate for me.

 

"They **** you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

 

But they were ****ed up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

 

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself."

[quankanne]

your post hits home, Quinch, my dad recently died and I feel guilty for not grieving his death "properly." But one of the priests explained that it's not uncommon for a child to have completely different relationships with each parent, yet love them all the same.

 

so know that while your pop drives you nuts with his behavior, that doesn't touch whatever affection and love you have for him. And that it's okay for you to feel the way you do – even if it means getting away from him to have breathing space.

 

who knows, maybe your dad's role in being devil's advocate (and a vociferous one!) is meant for people to perk up and think about what they support/believe in, and why!

[wierdmunky]

Reminds me of a book I had to read for Psychology. The Argument Culture, by Deborah Tannen.

 

She wrote it 10 yrs ago, saying that people will view arguments as polarized opposites, and not a multi-facet of truth that you can use to learn from the entire experience. You end up attacking the person your arguing with and not the real issue that might not need defending, but solving. She said it's also a media tac-tic, if there's no fight-there's so story, so we've become accustomed to hearing things that way on tv which happens to be a huge source of info for most people.