why do people give up?

[C.R.Y.S.T.A.L.]

i don't understand this about my sisters and my niece. i just spent an hour on the phone with my niece she is only 42 and she says she don't care to ever be in another relationship again and the same with my two sisters who are only 46 i am 44.

 

i can't perceive of spending the rest of my life single if i was which i'm not but if i was i would not want to.

 

they have not had bad relationships of abuse or anything like that but they have all three gained weight and lost interest in sex and men!

 

maybe it's just part of the female process but still why wouldn't a woman want to be a woman by having a man in her life? why would she not care anymore? i hope i never get that way!

 

my sister says she is going to "age naturally" meaning not try to color her hair, change her styles, or anything, even really lose weight, which she is not that bad yet.

 

on the other side, i'm just the opposite, i'm fighting it every step of the way! i work out 4-6 days a week, eat healthy, work, take herbs/vitamins/meds/and take care of myself. i'll probably be the next to die in the end while my sisters go on living to be a hundred!

 

i don'tget it, is there an explanation of WHY people would want to do this? i hope i never get that way! my sister died of cancer about ten yrs ago, shortly after my mom died back in 1993, she had stopped smoking, and had started eating healthy and exercising, then she got this weird cancer that could not be cured. she told me flat out, don't ever change your life style, look what happened to me when i did!

 

i think my sisters still think about her words and live by them! weird huh?

[lollipop]

Hate to break it to you but a woman doesn't HAVE to have a man in her life to feel complete and fulfilled. Nobody should "need" anyone, they should be able to be content and happy and satisfied all by themself, if that's the way it works out. Maybe these relatives of yours just really love themselves, are at peace with themselves and they've reached a place where the don't need a man to complete them. That's definitely not strange at all. Maybe the reason you can't relate to this in the least is because you're a needy type of person and you don't love yourself or have enough confidence in yourself to be content on your own? Some women fight aging and some don't. Who says we must fight it? Society and the media and glamour mags push us to mask our age. Some women just accept aging as a natural process of life and they choose to accept it gracefully. There's nothing wrong with that either. Sounds like the relatives that you spoke about are just really well-balanced, stable individuals who've come to the place in their lives where they're already "complete"..that or else they're lesbians

[Tony T]

lollipop is absolutely right. Nobody NEEDS anybody to have a great life.

 

However, in the case of your sisters and many older people like them, I think the attitude of resolving to be single and alone until death is a majorful copout and excuse for not doing what you're doing, that is, working out, watching one's diet to keep weight down, wearing nice clothes, and generally taking care of oneself.

 

In other words, it's the lazy man's way out. It takes a lot of effort to commit oneself to a program like you do. Working out and dieting is not nearly as easy as sitting around in front of a TV or computer and munching on cookies, candy and other goodies.

 

There are many people in this rut who are simply depressed. For any one of a number of reasons, they have given up on life and themselves. It's much easier just to fool themselves into thinking they choose that life rather than facing the reality they are just too far gone to even begin to try to get laid.

 

If you think attraction is important when you're younger, it's triply so for older people if they want to attract someone they really desire.

 

Maybe at some point your sisters will become motivated to take care of themselves, if for no other reason that to ensure they live a long life. A sedentary life resulting in obesity is almost positive to effect an early death. What they ought to do is see a doctor and try some therapies that could rid them of the depression and lack of motivation. They're really way too young to give up on things.

 

Most people who die early, or anytime for that matter, want to do so with someone special they love nearby to make that transition easier.

 

Myself, I'd like to go in bed making love with someone special and not even realize I've gone.

[Say What]

>>>

 

As a woman of substance and self-worth please do me the honour of not lumping me in such a dis-empowering remark.

 

I pity that you have no sense of being a woman without a man in your life to support, validate and make you feel needed.

 

You can't climb out of a bad relationship on a stairmaster. Good luck in your upcoming marriage, you're going to need it.

[C.R.Y.S.T.A.L.]

I never ever said that a woman cannot be a woman without a man in her life!!!!!

 

geeeeeeeesh!!!! you guys are totally twisting this thing around!!!!

 

i am a woman with or without a man! i DO NOT need a man in my life to feel like a woman!

 

you totally misunderstood me, totally!!!!

 

so take your pity part some where else, i don't need nor want your pity. you simply misunderstood!

>>> As a woman of substance and self-worth please do me the honour of not lumping me in such a dis-empowering remark. I pity that you have no sense of being a woman without a man in your life to support, validate and make you feel needed. You can't climb out of a bad relationship on a stairmaster. Good luck in your upcoming marriage, you're going to need it.

[C.R.Y.S.T.A.L.]

i guess i worded that wrong, i did not intend it to mean that a woman cannot be a woman without a man! heck i've had some long spurts in my life when i did not have a man in it and i never felt anything was missing. so don't pity me or my guy!

 

i am not needy, insecure or afraid to live without a man. i just don't understand why my sistes would or my niece would when they are still quite young!

 

i've been very content in the past without a man, i have plenty of confidence and i am quite happy with or with out a man.

 

i just don't understand why one would seemingly give up on them selves totally, like not even try to lose weight, or do anything to help them selves.

 

they are not depressed, they are quite well balanced and stable as i am as well, dispite what you want to think, i know i am because i know what goes on in my life while others only know what goes on is what others tell them.

 

so in fact i was not saying that a woman cannot be a woman without a man, i know they can, i know several that are, but they are much older, these peoples are still quite young and attractive as well!

Hate to break it to you but a woman doesn't HAVE to have a man in her life to feel complete and fulfilled. Nobody should "need" anyone, they should be able to be content and happy and satisfied all by themself, if that's the way it works out. Maybe these relatives of yours just really love themselves, are at peace with themselves and they've reached a place where the don't need a man to complete them. That's definitely not strange at all. Maybe the reason you can't relate to this in the least is because you're a needy type of person and you don't love yourself or have enough confidence in yourself to be content on your own? Some women fight aging and some don't. Who says we must fight it? Society and the media and glamour mags push us to mask our age. Some women just accept aging as a natural process of life and they choose to accept it gracefully. There's nothing wrong with that either. Sounds like the relatives that you spoke about are just really well-balanced, stable individuals who've come to the place in their lives where they're already "complete"..that or else they're lesbians

[C.R.Y.S.T.A.L.]

you say: If you think attraction is important when you're younger, it's triply so for older people if they want to attract someone they really desire.

 

maybe that is the difference between my sisters and me, see i never thought of it that way. when we were all growing i got into make-up, dressing up, boy, the whole nine yards while they didn't do any of that.

 

in fact they ridiculed me to death about it all and called me names though i dressed quite nice. they were stuck in turtle necks and long pants while i wore the latest styles.

 

maybe that is the difference at least in this case. i know i will continue to dress nice, exercise, eat right, and do what i need to do about making myself feel good.

 

if they feel good the way they are then more power to them. to me it seems such a shame though, but it is their decision and i respect that for them.

 

they are not depressed, they both work full time, and live next door to each other, they are twins so they are pretty close.

 

i didn't expect to get screamed at because of my post, just a curious observation about them that was really all. didn't expect it to turn into a big debate or anything but oh well, that is what people do here express their opinions.

 

i respect others opinions without calling them names or saying anything rude to them because that is the way i am, but i have my boiling point as well but i wont use it here any more!!!

 

that's all have a great day!

 

lollipop is absolutely right. Nobody NEEDS anybody to have a great life. However, in the case of your sisters and many older people like them, I think the attitude of resolving to be single and alone until death is a majorful copout and excuse for not doing what you're doing, that is, working out, watching one's diet to keep weight down, wearing nice clothes, and generally taking care of oneself. In other words, it's the lazy man's way out. It takes a lot of effort to commit oneself to a program like you do. Working out and dieting is not nearly as easy as sitting around in front of a TV or computer and munching on cookies, candy and other goodies. There are many people in this rut who are simply depressed. For any one of a number of reasons, they have given up on life and themselves. It's much easier just to fool themselves into thinking they choose that life rather than facing the reality they are just too far gone to even begin to try to get laid. If you think attraction is important when you're younger, it's triply so for older people if they want to attract someone they really desire.

 

Maybe at some point your sisters will become motivated to take care of themselves, if for no other reason that to ensure they live a long life. A sedentary life resulting in obesity is almost positive to effect an early death. What they ought to do is see a doctor and try some therapies that could rid them of the depression and lack of motivation. They're really way too young to give up on things.

 

Most people who die early, or anytime for that matter, want to do so with someone special they love nearby to make that transition easier.

 

Myself, I'd like to go in bed making love with someone special and not even realize I've gone.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "i didn't expect to get screamed at because of my post, just a curious observation about them that was really all. didn't expect it to turn into a big debate or anything but oh well, that is what people do here express their opinions."

 

I didn't notice anybody scream at you here and I thought there were some very thoughtful observations.

 

As long as your sisters are happy, you shouldn't worry about them. However, your post implied they may be unhappy with their lives.

 

If people get old and want to get fat and live alone, hell...they can knock themselves out if that makes them happy. But I can't believe that deep down they aren't very lonely and miserable.

 

Fat shortens life because it isn't healthy and it isn't attractive either.

[lollipop]

I never ever said that a woman cannot be a woman without a man in her life!!!!! geeeeeeeesh!!!!!

Actually, yes you did, and very clearly I might add. Does this look familiar?

 

"but still why wouldn't a woman want to be a woman by having a man in her life?"

 

What you're actually saying above is that a woman isn't really a woman unless she has a man in her life. Anybody with basic reading skills can understand the point you were making. Nobody has twisted anything around. You come across as a needy, insecure individual who -must- have a man in her life (even one that makes you miserable) to feel whole and complete.

 

Just the fact that you can't understand why a woman wouldn't need to have a man in her life, just shows that not only are you very narrowminded in your thinking but you're a classic codependent.

[C.R.Y.S.T.A.L.]

i guess cause someone said they {pity) me that i took it kind of personal. i don't need pity nor want pity. but anyway, i agree that the fat is unhealthy and i think they would get lonely, i think it's human nature to want to have someone to love. does not mean you "need" someone but i think it's nice, but i can take it or leave if i really had to or wanted to...like most can, i'm sure of that.

YOU WRITE: "i didn't expect to get screamed at because of my post, just a curious observation about them that was really all. didn't expect it to turn into a big debate or anything but oh well, that is what people do here express their opinions." I didn't notice anybody scream at you here and I thought there were some very thoughtful observations. As long as your sisters are happy, you shouldn't worry about them. However, your post implied they may be unhappy with their lives. If people get old and want to get fat and live alone, hell...they can knock themselves out if that makes them happy. But I can't believe that deep down they aren't very lonely and miserable.

 

Fat shortens life because it isn't healthy and it isn't attractive either.

[C.R.Y.S.T.A.L.]

no, now you are twisting things around. what makes you think you know me anyway? you don't me from adam so don't even imply that i am needy, co-dependent?, that's a laugh, insecure, etc. since i can live with or without a man and I know that that is all that matters, i've done it a gazillin time in my life and will do it again and again if necessary.

 

yes i can see why someone would think i said a woman is not a woman without a man, but that is not what i meant anyway, so i screwed up since i am not perfect thats the way life is.

 

end of subject i will not re-visit this topic again from you to avoid arguements. you are entitled to your opinion as i am to mine, and you can think what you want to think about me, it will not tear me up inside, so have at it if it makes you feel better...

Actually, yes you did, and very clearly I might add. Does this look familiar? "but still why wouldn't a woman want to be a woman by having a man in her life?"

 

What you're actually saying above is that a woman isn't really a woman unless she has a man in her life. Anybody with basic reading skills can understand the point you were making. Nobody has twisted anything around. You come across as a needy, insecure individual who -must- have a man in her life (even one that makes you miserable) to feel whole and complete. Just the fact that you can't understand why a woman wouldn't need to have a man in her life, just shows that not only are you very narrowminded in your thinking but you're a classic codependent.

[Say What]

Nope, no misunderstanding. The context of your original post was very clear. At the very least, please have the spine and dignity to stand by your own words.

 

Your right, commiserations are reserved for the true victims in this world... not the ones who make the choice to don that cap over and over.