Jump to content

Irrational? Selfish? Resent sick mother-in-law


Windwalker

Recommended Posts

[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]I just lost my father after a long, agonizing illness in which he was in and out of hospitals, ERs, ICU’s, and nursing homes. I live 300 miles away and just kept working during that time, seeing my father every month, feeling guilty for leaving him in the care of my sister, but needing to work and care for my own family. I am the primary breadwinner of the family. [/FONT][/sIZE]

 

[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]My father was in ICU several times during his illness, and I did not rush to his side and remain there. I didn’t feel I could. Now my mother-in-law is in the hospital for observation after a nasty fall. In fact, she fell while at my father’s funeral (can you believe it?). After my father’s funeral, I had to come home to work while my husband has been by his mother’s side for three days now. I’m left to run after the kids and work full-time on a crucial project at work while he sits with his mother who is eating up the sick role. She has friends and family there, and my husband took vacation days to be by her side. He promised to use vacation days to help me out this summer for the extra hours the long-term project at work requires, but here it is mid-July, and guess what? No vacation days taken to help me out. [/FONT][/sIZE]

 

[FONT=Times New Roman]Here’s my dilemma. I’m resentful. And I feel guilty about being resentful. Am I being unreasonable? A selfish child? I sure don't feel very supportive of husband going through a hard time when I've had little to no emotional support from him during my trying times. [/FONT]

 

[FONT=Times New Roman]Any advice appreciated. [/FONT]

Link to post
Share on other sites

have y'all had discussions about his needy mom before this? If so, how were those situations resolved?

 

as far as this particular instance goes, maybe it's time to firmly, but gently, remind him that his primary obligation is to you and your little family (assuming you've got kids). That while you feel for his mother, there are things you need his assistance with and that y'all need to figure out a way so that all things are covered or taken care of so that he can spend time with her without taking away from his own family.

 

if the kind, gentle discussion doesn't do it, you might want to stick a fork in his head and remind him that you only have him to rely on, while his mom has several members of her family to depend on.

 

my condolences on the loss of your dad ... and hugs, too. How are you doing?

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...