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When your spouse is controlled by his family


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Hello,

 

My husband will bend over backwards for his sister, which is hard to watch when she takes advantage of him by accepting money from him or asking him to babysit her three kids (all under 5 :eek:) for an entire day while she goes to play volleyball (starting at 6 a.m.:eek:). He really has no time for this kind of favour. A few hours would be reasonable, but long story short, he is not spending any time with us this weekend because his family has taken priority - again.

 

I have tried to point things like this out to him, and I have even told him straight out that his priorities are not in the right place at times. He ignores me or gives me some crap-eating excuse why I am just wrong.

 

When it comes to his family, I think they have a hard time thinking of him as a married man with a family of his own. I am tired of feeling like an outsider. His step-mother is quite snippy as well, only it's not usually to my face. I get little remarks from her that are uncalled for and I was forwarded an email in error once that had comments she made about me that were not so great. :eek: She immediately emailed me to try and clear it up. I said just forget it.:mad:

 

Would it be okay if I took a pass on family events from now on, except for Christmas and perhaps the occasional wedding or special event. Like, I really don't want to show up at every little birthday party and social get together.

I know my husband will not acknowledge any bad behaviour or unreasonable requests of his family, so I wouldn't put him in the middle by creating any confrontations. But I sure would like to avoid these people as much as I can.:o

 

Anyone else feel this way? Any tips or advice?

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I am having some problems like this too with my fiance's family, namely his mother and his cousin. I could totally see his cousin doing something like this. There have been too many times when his cousin expects him to drop everything at a moments notice to come pick him up-he treats him like his errand boy. We've gotten into huge fights about this and I fear that it will be the same situation as you described if we get married. Did you see signs early on?

 

I cannot offer you words of advice, but I do hope that your situation helps. If I were already his wife, I probably would have had a talk with his cousin. Have you tried talking to the sister?

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