Jump to content

valentines and the inlaws


My Fair Katie

Recommended Posts

My Fair Katie

Mostly a vent.

 

Yesterday while shopping My Fair Husband picked up a Valentine's card for his mother. This is something he has NEVER done in the 6 years I've known him. I jokingly said, "Oh, so I'm not your valentine this year?" He said his therapist says it's normal for his mom to expect a valentine's day card. Most of the cards we saw were the type a dad would buy for the son (mommy type cards).

 

For the past four years My Fair Husband has not acknowledged vday in any way, shape or form. I was especially hurt last year because I *told* him I had something planned for him and he did not reciprocate. I'm not talking Every Kiss Begins with Kay crapola, but a card would be nice, maybe a bag of M&Ms. I feel like if I hadn't pitched my fit to be acknowledged he wouldn't have even thought of his mom this year.

 

I'm feeling like I shot myself in the foot. Why in a nutshell:

 

I have a tenuous relationship with my mother in law. She doesn't much care for me, I'm pretty indifferent to her for the most part.

 

For two years I didn't have any contact with my inlaws. This was after my mother in law had My Fair Husband pinned against a car while she yelled at him about how I was the reason the family was falling apart. And that if I weren't in the picture he'd send them more money. It was a Jerry Springer moment. After that I figured there would be no love lost and My Fair Husband was welcome to maintain a relationship with his folks but I wasn't gonna go out of my own way. No biggie.

 

Last November was my father in laws 80th birthday. I think my father in law is a pretty nice guy and to prove no hard feelings I told My Fair Husband that if he wanted to invite his parents down for an early Thanksgiving celebration I'd be happy to host, we'd pay for everything as it's his birthday. I played nice, happy family, and in return I was treated like the cook and the maid. Not so much the wife. In fact My Fair Husband brought everyone drinks but me while we were outside AND went so far as to yell at me in front of his parents when I asked for help with the turkey. I was person non grata.

 

So I guess I'm feeling a little down on his relationship with his parents right now and him getting his mom a card for valentine's day is a bit of a downer for me.

 

Now, I don't want you all to think I'm gonna go chase down My Fair Husband and be a harpy beyotch to him, I'm just feeling the need to vent. Not that I'm never a harpy beyotch, I'm sure I have my moments. :)

 

[whine] She gets Mother's Day, I get Valentine's Day. [/whine]

 

Do other 30 year old men still get mumsy a card on Valentine's Day?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Mostly a vent.

Thanks for letting me know. Otherwise I might have read your entire post before figuring that out. *shudders*

 

It's just another day. He's the apple of your eye on the other 363.25 days of the year, right? So he's got some issues with his parents (getting somewhat between the two of you). Who hasn't?!

 

And aren't you going to be having a cuddle under some fake stars? I know you orchestrated it, but.

 

Buy yourself a goddamn card, goddamn it. Or is that goddammit. Whatever. Oh, and you might as well get yourself some chocolate whilst your at it. Godiva rhymes with goddammit. Well, not really.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
My Fair Katie
Godiva rhymes with goddammit. Well, not really.

 

It does when you're drinking.

 

Good idea. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
It does when you're drinking.

 

Good idea. :)

Hahahahaha. Excellent, excellent... I didn't think of that. It's just a shame that I can't afford alcohol. Hang on.

 

All right. I tried gurgling it, and I got pretty close. Except I made myself laugh, and I sprayed water all over the bathroom mirror. It needed cleaning, anyway.

 

Yes. I desperately need a valentine. Be happy with what you've got, even if they morph back and forth into a turd (very) occasionally. If you ignore their less subtle qualities, turds are warm and squishy.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes. I desperately need a valentine. Be happy with what you've got, even if they morph back and forth into a turd (very) occasionally. If you ignore their less subtle qualities, turds are warm and squishy.

 

 

That's right ... he may be a turd but he's your turd MFK. :love:

Link to post
Share on other sites

MFK, I'm with you on this one. V day isn't very important to me, but I don't really get all the buying for everyone in your life like it's Christmas or something. Regardless of the roots of the day, which I don't honestly know or even care to know, I think it's supposed to be one day that celebrates romantic love, in general. Getting cards and/or gifts for the parents, the children, the coworkers, and the mailman for that matter, cheapens the idea that it is about your special someone in my eyes.

 

When I didn't have a special someone V Day didn't bother me like it does some people but I recognize that it does bother many as a reminder that they do not currently have a romantic love in their life.

 

Yes, the day celebrates love; romantic love. Are we going to start buying gifts for all loved ones for every Hallmark generated day? Gawd I hope not, but to each his own I guess. Life is getting far too commercial.

 

That said, I read and posted on a post this morning where a man bought flowers and distributed one to each person that helped through a current breakup. I really thought that was nice as it seemed to help him get through the day better and brought a smile to some who didn't have a SO.

 

To acknowledge other(s) and not you would have ticked me off, even without a personal penchance for the whole day.

Link to post
Share on other sites
oh_what_am_I_doing

 

For two years I didn't have any contact with my inlaws. This was after my mother in law had My Fair Husband pinned against a car while she yelled at him about how I was the reason the family was falling apart. And that if I weren't in the picture he'd send them more money. It was a Jerry Springer moment.

 

That's pretty messed up!! I think it is the responsiblity of your FH (as opposed to DH??) to have a talk with his parents and get things straightened out. I would not have been okay with two years of uncomfortableness. What did you do for Christmas, Easter, etc??

Link to post
Share on other sites

Its the other stuff that caught my attention more than the card- the fact that he lets them walk allover you and ignores you when they are around.

 

Not. Cool.

 

That is what I would focus on if you want to change things.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
My Fair Katie
What did you do for Christmas, Easter, etc??

 

Nothing, his family, his problem. We didn't not visit them, they were not invited to visit us. If they got a card I did not send it.

 

He stood up to them, he did not speak to them for a year. He missed his dad so he slowly started talking to them.

 

As for having a talk, that works with rational people, we're not dealing with rational people. We're dealing with entitlement-minded narcissitic people.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
My Fair Katie
Its the other stuff that caught my attention more than the card- the fact that he lets them walk allover you and ignores you when they are around.

 

Not. Cool.

 

That is what I would focus on if you want to change things.

 

Oh trust me, those were hills I was prepared to die on. The long and short is, they aren't welcome back in my home, and NOT for anything they did, but because he's a turd sandwich.

 

The whole card thing just made me feel like the he's not getting how mad that visit made me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Oh trust me, those were hills I was prepared to die on. The long and short is, they aren't welcome back in my home, and NOT for anything they did, but because he's a turd sandwich.

 

The whole card thing just made me feel like the he's not getting how mad that visit made me.

 

I can understand that- brought up bad feelings, huh?

 

btw, "turd sandwich" = :laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...