My mom- mentally and physically abusive

[sierra22]

hey everyone, I am 17 and I've posted here once before venting some of my problems onto this community. I want to say that helped me a ton and I would like to do it again, because everyone is such a great help. I guess I'm going to describe my mom and how she came to be like this, so it will be a short autobiography of my life over the last 6 years. (i'll try to keep it short and to the point)

 

my mom was always the 'perfect' mom when i was growing up. she was loving, supportive and just all around everything a kid could ask for. my dad became an alcoholic and he started to not come home many nights. my parents fought for about 2 years, and my mom tried to keep the marriage together but failed (i was 11 at this time) . my dad left her and moved into an appartment, and my mom got custody of me and my sister and got the house and everything in it.

 

my dad worked a presitigous job as a vice president and made 6 figures. my mom worked a less demanding full time job at the local university. after the divorce, my mom went through basically 2 stages of moods. the first stage was severe depression and i found that she cried for hours almost every day. this lasted about 2-3 years. the next mood was anger; anger at my dad, and everyone who would give her a small reason to be mad. this is still the mood that has gone on for several years and it is getting worse.

 

i have a strong reason to believe that my mom has developed bi-polar syndrome and i want her to get help. she has denied it and gotten severely mad at me everytime i've asked her to get help. nowadays she basically has extreme mood swings and will get mad at me for little or no reason at all. just a couple of examples: one time I was making her dinner and i had to chop up the frozen ground beef. she yelled that i was chopping it too loud and screamed and cussed me out.

 

another, more recent event, was when I was unloading the dishwasher and she claimed I was too loud and she ran over, shook the dishwasher pull out thing and dishes came off, all the while she was screaming at me and calling me every name in the book because i persisted to finish unloading it. after this, i didn't want to provoke any more anger. she yelled at me to leave and go to my room. i sat down on the couch only a few feet away from her and calmly asked why she was so upset, what angered her. she simply couldn't answer in anything other than profanity. she was insulting me and i couldn't take it. she got in my face and was angering me by telling me how terrible of a person i am and that i am an a**hole, and i snapped (which i do often, when she brings this out of me) .

 

i yelled and screamed nonsense (no profanity or anything degrading to her). and after only seconds of yelling, she began to choke me. she had both her hands around my neck and choked me for probably 5 seconds.

 

 

well to try and sum this up: my dad lives in an apartment just 2 miles away from me. every time she is in one of these moods now i go and sleep at his house for the night. he is a pretty good dad when he is there and has been sober for over a year (he got into an accident and got a DUI felony, long story but he has been sober since) . i would live with him but there is nothing to do at his house and i'd be bored out of my mind.

 

 

my friends are pretty good. some of the time i can go and hang out with them and it really calms me down and offers me support. to be honest, i have contemplated suicide a few times when i was younger (which i have never shared with anyone, this is the first time. i actually got to the point of crushing several pills. although it wasn't much of a 'i want to kill myself thing' it was more of a 'cry for help thing' to quote fight club) . i had started a new school and had no friends and my moms anger towards me drove me to the thought of taking my own life. i don't have these thoughts anymore, my life has improved a lot since then (although the aspect with my mom has, of course, gotten worse) . it's just that the support my friends give has really lifted me out of the hole i was in.

 

also i wanted to add that she never sees anything wrong with what she does. she is always the victim. the night that she choked me i said i was about to call the police on her for domestic violence. after that incident, she has never mentioned choking me but has told me what a bad son i am for threatening her.

 

anyway, i guess i just wanted to let everyone know a little about me and to also ask advice. does anyone have advice or comments about all of this?

 

sorry for making it so long and probably dull.

[nancyleeh]

This is a sad story and I feel for you and your mother. It must be terribly hard to live as you do. Is it possible for your dad or other family members to get help for you mother, even if she doesn't want help? If she is bi-polar or suffereing from some other mental disorder, medication could be a life saver for her. I'd look into information about how to get help for her even if it has to be forced upon her. In the mean time, what is the possibility of you living with your dad for awhile?

 

nancyleeh

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

i yelled and screamed nonsense (no profanity or anything degrading to her). and after only seconds of yelling, she began to choke me. she had both her hands around my neck and choked me for probably 5 seconds.

 

Dear sierra22,

 

What you've described above is not NORMAL and can be potentially life-threatening. Please do not treat this incident lightly. I understand that you love your mother and you probably feel responsible for her well-being. However, your mother is very very sick. She needs help. You need to tell an adult about this incident so that can see the gravity of your problem with your mother. This person can be your dad, your grandparent, aunt, or a trusted adult (like a teacher). You cannot deal with her by yourself - obviously!!

 

I would suggest that you live with your dad for the time being. Only when she's actively taking care of herself (such as going to counseling and taking medication), do you return. Verbal abuse is abuse and NOBODY deserves to be live with abuse!!! What your mother is doing to you is despicable.

 

Secondly, I'd suggest that you get counseling for yourself. Since you are contemplating suicide, please do not put this off. I suspect there are other problems that you are not letting on, and a certified counselor will help you sort through your troubled feelings. Trust me.

 

 

also i wanted to add that she never sees anything wrong with what she does. she is always the victim. the night that she choked me i said i was about to call the police on her for domestic violence. after that incident, she has never mentioned choking me but has told me what a bad son i am for threatening her.

 

 

People who are mentally sick are not capable of seeing themselves as such. Please do not wait for her to seek help for herself. You need to seek help by finding a safe refuge and a therapist.

 

Please continue to post.

 

Best wishes.

[sierra22]

first off, thank you for your help. it always helps just to let this kind of stuff out and your responses are tremendous. anyway, i have considered living with my dad for awhile and i think it would be beneficial and healthy for me. im in the process of getting a job right now and as soon as i get one, i think i will move in with him. the only problem is that he lives in a 1 bedroom apartment and whenever i stay over there i sleep on the floor. but i think if i lived with him and didn't have a job i would be incredibly bored. he doesn't have anything to do at his place except watch t.v. and i would get bored watching the modern marvel episode of toilets on the history channel all day.

 

i also forgot to mention my sister in all of this. she basically has taking an act of non-involvment and usually stays in her room while my mom is mad at me. i guess the way she sees it is better me than her. my mom also treats my sister a lot better and i think this is because of my moms deep hatred for my dad.

 

my friends have told me to go to my school counselor, although i would feel awkward doing so. my school counselor seems like she couldn't care less about people's problems, and her first priority is getting whatever it is she has to do over with. one of my friends said his mom used to be the same way and, since, she has been put on medication and he said it has helped his life immensly. he said theres ways that the court would require my mom to take medication, which sounds enticing to me.

 

anyway thanks again for your responses they help a lot.