http://www.loveshack.org/forums/ The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner. en Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:26:32 GMT vBulletin 15 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/images/red/misc/rss.jpg http://www.loveshack.org/forums/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210502&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:12:49 GMT In another thread it was mentioned that since we are all "human" we can't say "never". A few months ago I got into a heated discussion with an OW because I said I could never have an affair. She told me that I could not be sure and I insisted that I can.

How can I be so sure? Because I know myself better than anyone. First, I would leave my H if I felt I wanted to be with an OM. Second, if I were single, I could never be interested in a MM who would cheat on his wife. That would be a huge turn off in every way.

However, that is not what I want to say in this thread. I was intrigued by the statement regarding affairs, that humans make mistakes. Now, I agree that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. But, as a "human" when I make decisions, I think about how my actions will effect other "humans". I think that is what so many people who see affairs as wrong and destructive can't understand. How anyone can do something knowing that someone (maybe even themselves) could get hurt. A person doesn't need to be a BS, AP or ever involved in an affair to think they are wrong, they just have to be "human"

So, another poster may consider affairs to be human, but my definition of being human means looking out for humanity as a whole and trying to do my best to help and not hurt others. I also don't think being human means you get what you what at the expense of others. I guess that is the difference between just being a human and being humane. JMO ]]> The Other Man / Woman herenow http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210502 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210461&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:42:52 GMT Hello all, I am currently the OM, have been for about 1 1/2 years. My MW has been seeing a therapist to help her leave her husband for about 4... Hello all,

I am currently the OM, have been for about 1 1/2 years. My MW has been seeing a therapist to help her leave her husband for about 4 months now. She tells me she doesnt love him and wants out but that she needed help on how to break things off since they have been married for 4 years.

Recently there was a community service event that i really wanted to go to and i asked her if she could go but said she couldnt get out of the house. Today i found out that she went...but with her husband. I am very upset at this. Could it be that she is seeing the therapist to make things better with her husband and leaving me in the dark? How am i supposed to know that she is seeing the therapist to leave him? in the 4 months i really havent seen any changes with her marriage. She still lives with him, goes home to him, goes home after work at the same time, etc. Wouldnt a therapist try to get her to distance herself from him by now? Do therapist give them steps and things to do to try to leave a marriage? like leave the house more on the weekends etc? I am just confused and not sure what to do.

Any help or info would be great. Thank you very much. ]]> The Other Man / Woman friend http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210461 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210436&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:23:29 GMT Hi fellow posters. I have been reading alot of threads lately and a question springs to mind. Why do OW seek commitment in the form of a MM leaving... Hi fellow posters. I have been reading alot of threads lately and a question springs to mind. Why do OW seek commitment in the form of a MM leaving his wife for them? Whatever happened to the times where affairs were simply just affairs. When both the OW and MM know where the relationship stands and that it exists to fill a void and/or compliment whatever is missing in their current relationship/marriage. That A's exist to create an opportuntiy for fun and frivolity for both partners. It seems that most AP want a firm commitment these days. Are there OW out there in affairs that do not want their MM to leave his M?
When the MM remains commited to his W many comments seem to be passed on how selfish the MM is. Surely not all MM fall into this category of being selfish. Are they not responsible? After all it does take two to tango and anyone getting involved with a MM knows the deal. It seems the MM gets the bad rap while the OW usually gets sympathy.Married OW are also getting their cake and eating it too but again the bells of sympathy seem to ring for them when the A is over while the MM takes the rap.I would love to hear your views on this please. No judgements but just your comments and experiences. ]]> The Other Man / Woman her_halo_slipped http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210436 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210402&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 02:19:26 GMT It's been a while since I posted. I stopped coming aound as I began to feel that reading so much on this site was keeping me invested in my xMM. Lately I've been lurking, reading some and responding once or twice but now I feel comfortable and strong enough to post something positive. It is possible to work with xMM and not have the same negative emotions that resulted from the lies, games and revelations post A affect me so badly. They do lose their power!

I see him so much clearer now! Interraction with him still is and will continue to be a chess match of sorts as long as we work together but I know the game and I am in control. No more angst, no more anger, no more frustration, no more hurt or sadness...it's all gone. He still tries to play games - fishing, flirting, provocative inuendos, etc. But even those have no real effect on me. I find it to be ridiculous. It's laughable at times. Does he really think it's going to work? He must really think I am that gullible/stupid to believe in him again. I have no interest in him physical or romantic and his attempts at flirtation just make me laugh. He even seems to get jealous...WTF?? :rolleyes::laugh:

He seems so pathetic now. Just an almost middle aged man trying to get his thrills and it makes me proud to know that they will never come at my expense again. Sometimes I almost feel sorry for him but then other times I just feel disgust. I will never forgive him for the lies/games and ridiculous drama because he has not and will never admit to it. He is so wrapped up in being the 'good guy' that anything to the contrary is inconceivable. He truly is everything he pretended not to be and that is really sad.

I don't know if I will ever get to the place where I have absolutely no emotion toward him but now it is minimal. And that is more than OK with me. ]]> The Other Man / Woman StoptheDrama http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210402 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210384&goto=newpost Thu, 19 Nov 2009 23:15:33 GMT Well for those of you who listened, gave advice(good and bad) I thank you. Things have changed and I feel I should fill you all in. We had a... Well for those of you who listened, gave advice(good and bad) I thank you. Things have changed and I feel I should fill you all in.
We had a conversation regarding his (MM) sex life with his W, of which I (OW)was under the understanding wasn't happening. It just happens that 'I' got it all wrong because 'he' thought 'I' would have taken it as a given as he was 'M'!
For a quick re capp.....He told me they have talked about a separation, he loves me and thinks about me 24/7, this whole situation is making him ill, he has and never will lie to me but he feels so much guilt for his family and his W for what we are doing. So ok as the OW I have no right to question this, I the OW went into this knowing he was M and I do not expect any sympathy for the wrong I have done, but.......WTF!
How if he says he loves me and knows my values(yes I know BS will say I have none)could he think I could be 'OK' with him still being physical with his W?
The conversation we had today was very typical of our conversations, we do talk about everything, good and bad but....he knew 'this' conversation was coming so made sure he had a reason to leave and it was finished on the phone where he could say 'I can't deal with this'
I can see now the pattern of the whole relationship, its like someone has turned the light on and my head and heart have finally seen each other!
I always said my head knew what I should do but my heart was stronger and always pulled me back in.
The moral of the story I guess is when the time is right to walk away or at least when certain things that are said, you know in your heart enough is enough. Sometimes you know that things have got to change.

I'm sure BS will be more than forthcoming with 'I told you so' and I really don't blame you but just remember I have never blamed, slagged off or been bitter. ]]> The Other Man / Woman hopeless4u http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210384 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210345&goto=newpost Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:35:16 GMT I have seen so many posts about how the MM?MW stay for the kids. And it seems that the general consensus is that it's good for the kids.

I have to disagree. When it came out that my Mother had been having an affair for at least half of my parents marriage I was devastated. I felt betrayed. My whole life after it started was a lie. I no longer knew what had been genuine and what had been about him. I played over situations and times in my head and realized that those were times when it had been about him. It was the most painful experience of my life to find out my childhood and my teens had all been a charade. I thought I grew up in a two parent home with relatively happy parents. But I didn't. I grew up in a dysfunctional home with lies and deceit permeating everything.

The pain was so bad that even after my father had forgiven her I couldn't speak to her. It wasn't because I hated her. It was because it hurt so much to look at her. It was physical and mental pain.

Even though we have a relationship now it will never be the same. How can it be? My Mother took the life I though I knew away from me. My Mother is the person that has hurt me more than anything or anyone else in this world. ]]> The Other Man / Woman justforfun http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210345 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210314&goto=newpost Thu, 19 Nov 2009 04:41:22 GMT i thought i was doing ok. the tears had settled. i had gotten back to normal life. things are looking up with H. in my heart i feel focused, the... i thought i was doing ok. the tears had settled. i had gotten back to normal life. things are looking up with H. in my heart i feel focused, the feelings are returning stronger than i expected, i have a new confidence that we will be ok.

but the last day or two the tears have returned. and its because of xmm. im not even sure what part bothers me. that he could so easily walk away, the fact that last week he said he still loved me, how ugly this whole thing ended, or maybe i miss him. i just dont know. it just seems like everywhere i turn, something reminds me of him and our times together. and it hurts.

has anyone had this happen? the pain is as real as it was the day he told me it was over... ]]> The Other Man / Woman mybrowneyedgirl http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210314