http://www.loveshack.org/forums/ en Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:55:44 GMT vBulletin 15 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/images/red/misc/rss.jpg http://www.loveshack.org/forums/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210499&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:40:43 GMT I have a problem with relationships - they always cause me varying degrees of anxiety, sometimes overwhelming and seemingly permanent. Sooner or... I have a problem with relationships - they always cause me varying degrees of anxiety, sometimes overwhelming and seemingly permanent. Sooner or later it gets too much and I have to end it.

Curiously, 'staying friends' afterwards can cause me just as much if not more anxiety.

It feel like I am doomed to be alone unless I can ovecome this. I should add that I am not in good health anyway (I have a sleep disorder and chronic fatigue) and am prone to anxiety anyway, not just about relationships.

I was wondering if anyone else can relate to this and how they cope. ]]> Coping Teuto http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210499 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210493&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:56:11 GMT Its been 4 months since I last saw the love of my life. We never were committed and lets face it, 4 months is a long time, so i feel like I... Its been 4 months since I last saw the love of my life.
We never were committed and lets face it, 4 months is a long time, so i feel like I shouldn't still think about him all the time. But I can't feel even remotely attracted to anyone else, I think about him all day long and compare EVERYONE I meet to him and they fall tragically short in just about every aspect.
Help me. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO JUST MOVE ON WITH IT!??
And how often do people meet people who are "perfect" to them? First one in my life, wondering how often other people experience this type of attraction. ]]> Coping artchick88 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210493 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210486&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 19:48:17 GMT Hey LS folk, I know i have been all over this forum as of late but thigns just keep happening good/bad... Short story: dated 2 years in uni.... Hey LS folk,

I know i have been all over this forum as of late but thigns just keep happening good/bad...

Short story: dated 2 years in uni. broke up with me citing needing to be alone... 2 1/2 since break-up WAS 41 NC still kinda am (in my books)

I was devestated and even walked home at 3:30 am last night crying about what i do not know hahaha.....

So my ex called me this week left a msg, saying it was okay if i didn't call back ugh...

Also found out she is in a relationship, hence was hurt these past couple of days..

Just bumped into her while i was chatting with her room-mate (as i said things just keep happening)... we were walking up stairs and just said hi and kept going ... i had to go back down to use the atm and she was in front of me so i kinda had to talk...

I was a little nervous not too bad...I just gave small talk about nothing really and then we parted ways...

I didn't feel sad really just a little nervous thats all... i have been obsessing about her recently and didn't really care when i saw her...

Am i actually over her? ]]> Coping novack http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210486 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210475&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:36:12 GMT I just don't get why girls go through this phase where they can't be absolutely honest with you and tell you what there intentions are from the get-go. Maybe they don't see that far in to the future and they don't even know what there going to do next. They just go with the flow, I have noticed this with so many girls that my buddies have dated or broken up with cause the girls say one thing and do the exact opposite. I feel guys look farther in to the future and don't base everything on emotion, they make the future decisions through how they feel right now. Girls just go off the lust, and go off the feelings of the other person at that point in time, but it can change within a day, and My ex proved that. Also many other relationships that have broken up due to stupid bickering and lieing from the females, of course this can be said for guys but I haven't really witnessed it with guys. If guys say one thing that is messed up, then the outlook from the girl is down and negativity starts arousing towards that person. I'm sorry if this is a wrong assessment, but this is what I have noticed throughout my life with the female species. So don't be mad at me females on this page, I'm just ranting in general cause my ex is a dumb*ss and so are the other 30 I know that my buddies have broken up with.

Thebob ]]> Coping Thebob http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210475 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210473&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:17:14 GMT Well its about to be my first Thanksgiving w out my ex in 5 years. I feel weird. Especially since i know he will be w his new girl. I remember last... Well its about to be my first Thanksgiving w out my ex in 5 years. I feel weird. Especially since i know he will be w his new girl. I remember last year we were w his family and then we went to mine. After eating for the second time we left to the outlet stores for black Friday and went shopping till like 5 in the morning. We didnt get home until 7 am the next morning. Little did i know it was going to be our last Thanksgiving together. Time keeps passing and passing and although i am feeling better than before it just really saddens me that what once was is no more. I wonder if he even thinks of me at all. It just sucks how relationships tear at the seams little by little and we are unaware sometimes. All we are left w are memories. I wish these memories would just fade away :( ]]> Coping angelface78 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210473 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210471&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:09:30 GMT Hi Everyone, Thank you to anyone taking the time to read this. I feel as if I have no other outlet. I am sittting at work feeling an immense... Hi Everyone,

Thank you to anyone taking the time to read this. I feel as if I have no other outlet. I am sittting at work feeling an immense amount of dread
and emptiness. I can't imagine feeling or ever having felt this low in a
long, long time.

I thought that i was over it. I am smart enough to know that my ex-bf
never loved me, and that his promises were just a way to hook me. Yet,
I feel this incredible urge to talk to him. And I cant stop thinking of all the things he said, and I believed. (my previous and first thread bf thinks world will end in 2011).

He sent an email on monday but i did not respond. I was on top of the world. Then he called wednesday and I picked up the phone immediately.
I spent the rest of the day regretting my dumb ass move (instant gratification instead of seeing it for what it was)

I think that it is because i feel so so alone and unwanted. I have tried "talking" or going out with a few others, but I just can't do it. I know
what kind of person I am and I am so ashamed of it. I always have to have someone. I don't understand why I think Im this incredibly worthless
pos. On the outside, one would never know the turmoil and rejection that
i feel inside of me. It's like if someone opened me up there would be nothing but scars. I used to be so hopeful.

I wish that i could force myself to be alone for a year or two. Cry and suffer through those lonely times when not even one soul knows I exist.
But Ive never been able to do it. and now im paying the price for it. I have never dealt with my issues.

What am I going to do? God only knows I am not a horrible person, but I
feel so unwanted. so flawed. I just want to run away.

Im sorry for the sad state of this post. because i know you guys have your own to deal with. i just have nowhere else to turn.

Thank you so much for reading. ]]> Coping kittenmittens23 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210471 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210470&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:52:14 GMT I wrote a long message about NC last night and it didn't appear :mad:

I know most of you say NC is the only way to let go of someone who has dumped you, but are you being true to yourself when you say you are doing it to let go, or is a tiny part of you (or a big part) doing it so they might miss you enough to want to try again?

I guess in a way it doesn't matter cos no matter the outcome you will have let go a little, or a lot, or they will want to come back.

When I can afford it I see a relationship therapist and she said no-one can say that NC is the right thing for everyone, because some couples can and do reconcile further down the line whether there was NC or not and some couples can remain friends, although some NC may be necessary before that can happen. I have friends who were a couple for years and then one cheated, her partner forgave her and they have been best friends ever since, 20 years, so it can work although I think quite rare.

At the moment for me LC seems the best thing, my friends say I don't need to do anything which is set in stone and I can change it as we go along, of course he might change things too and decide he can't be friends with me.

What I'm saying is I don't feel NC has been the right thing for me up til now, but that could all change today/tomorrow, who knows. He's been adamant he wants to stay in my life and I believe him, but he also accepts I may have to stop contact at any time. NC would have been bloody tough after 18 years of a very close relationship, and maybe I have to let go bit by bit.
What works for one person may not work for another.
If I do go NC it will be because it is the right time for me to do that, but I have to come to that decision myself. ]]> Coping HeavenOrHell http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210470 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210465&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:16:45 GMT Think this is ok to post in Coping...

The book, 'No More Mr. Nice Guy', just arrived today. I have to say it is brutal how much I'm reading about myself. Particularly painful, the chapter: Make Your Needs A Priority

Just painfully sobering how much we sometime sabotage ourselves in relationships... Or, for that matter, find ourselves in relationships we should not be in to begin with...

Anyone else read it? ]]> Coping sean1970 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210465 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210462&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:53:02 GMT It's been a year and I still have absolutely no desire to date or be in any sort of romantic relationship. Even a guy I've had a crush on for over 10 years asked me out and I said no. I've always loved men and never held the entire sex accountable for the few bad apples that have crossed my path.

I'm enjoying being single and don't want the headache of letting a man into my life. I like when guys flirt with me and I've done my share of flirting back but that's as far as I'm willing to take anything these days. If a guy shows serious interest in me I feel really turned off by that and feel complete distrust towards him.

I have no idea why I'm being such an old jaded spinster. This has never happened before. :( ]]> Coping Ilovecake http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210462 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210458&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:22:29 GMT is it normal to feel like your through the worst of the pain after 3 weeks? i know its nothing compared to 3 years, but after completely hitting rock... is it normal to feel like your through the worst of the pain after 3 weeks? i know its nothing compared to 3 years, but after completely hitting rock bottom the last few weeks i feel a lot less anxious, that i can be okay on my own and that it was probably for the best.

i know that i will still have moments where i miss him and want to contact him but those feelings arent carried with immense depression and panic anymore. they are just me missing his company. ]]> Coping floods88 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210458 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210456&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:10:01 GMT Last night, I had my first semi-sexual encounter since my breakup back in June. I’ve only known this girl for a couple weeks, and last night was a bit unexpected. Though, as awesome as it was, I still felt an aching sensation of guilt while it was happening. Like I was doing something wrong (to my ex?). Both of us are single, and nothing about our being together is sketchy or secret. But I just felt guilty and thoughts of my ex kept popping into my head, even while I was with the new girl. Now, the day after, I’m pining for my ex more than I am this new friend of mine. Does this mean that I’m not ready to be dating? I don’t want to hurt anyone. truly

It just kills me that back in September, during an accidental lapse in NC, the ex tells me that she was on the fourth date with the guy I saw her with. And here I am, almost six months after the fact, and I only now (barely) built up the confidence and desire to even go on a single date with a girl. And the whole time I was on this little date, I kept finding myself thinking about HER. wtf. I still don't really know why i was dumped in the first place.

anyways. i dont really know what i'm asking. or if i'm asking anything. I just dont really have anyone or anywhere else to vent these thoughts. All my friends, and even my family are just like "cmon, its been long enough, get over it". effffffff. ]]> Coping ditched http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210456 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210425&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 06:53:41 GMT I am sick of thinking of my ex. I am sick of trying to even trying to explain it. She is gone from my life for good but managed to move just blocks... I am sick of thinking of my ex. I am sick of trying to even trying to explain it. She is gone from my life for good but managed to move just blocks away with her new BF and now she is going to have a kid. I am pissed because I was cheated on and lied to. The problem for me is that I loved her much more than she knew I guess,and now, 8 months later, it has turned into a toxic mix of hate and love and regret and loneliness and a huge sense of loss and feeling like I failed to keep someone I really cared for from looking for something better. This was compounded by the fact that I had a hard time when my business faltered and then closed and I depended on her after this. I couldn't figure out what was next and this contributed to the stress on the relationship, but I had supported her in similar circumstances. I have a lot of guilt about that part.
Often I am really, really pissed at her betrayal and still shocked a bit after all this time that our relationship got so destroyed. I guess it is that the person I cared for the most decided to really not care about me, a concious choice to screw around, a conscious choice to not care how much damage she inflicted on me. When someone treats you like that, the love has died. Why should I have anything but indifference for her? But that doesn't cover the swirling clusterf™¢˚ of feelings. Admittedly, this has all calmed down a bit, but all of the sudden the jealousy and love and hate and anger and sad disappointment will come swirling up with a vengeance. It's crazy. I should handle loss better than this. ]]> Coping BW007 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210425 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210414&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 04:48:21 GMT so after sitting all day at work 10-9 by myself i take out my lady friend and bring her home. we watch tv and i cant even get my ex out of my head.... so after sitting all day at work 10-9 by myself i take out my lady friend and bring her home. we watch tv and i cant even get my ex out of my head. im sitting there holding this beautiful girl and i cant stop thinking about my ex and how i ****ed everything up and how i want her back so bad and cant get her and blah, blah , blah...

i feel emotionally empty and am beginning to think this girl is just using me too and she sits and texts all night to who cares who (probably another dude)...

UGH..

life gimme some fulfillment and a 2nd chance :love: ]]> Coping McGrupp http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210414 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210393&goto=newpost Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:46:50 GMT i went out tonight and ended up getting a bit drunk and speaking to a friend that is close to both of us. he said that my ex told him he cares and... i went out tonight and ended up getting a bit drunk and speaking to a friend that is close to both of us.

he said that my ex told him he cares and loves me a lot and that he doesnt know what he wants right now except that he just wants to forget everything with drinking.

he also said that my ex has been causing trouble with his best friend by always demanding stuff from him and getting violent with him when he is drunk.

i dont know what to think.

im still moving forward with no contact and im starting to get on with my life. its just hard when i know hes going through a tough time and it makes me feel like all this is so unneccessary.

it just makes it thats much harder for me to move on. ]]> Coping floods88 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210393 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210385&goto=newpost Thu, 19 Nov 2009 23:19:51 GMT Thursdays are the worst. They are the day I went over to his apartment, let myself in with the key he gave me a month before he broke up with me,... Thursdays are the worst. They are the day I went over to his apartment, let myself in with the key he gave me a month before he broke up with me, made him dinner, greeted him at the door with a kiss, spent the whole night together, slept over and kissed him on the way out the door the next day.

I always get so sad and wonder if he is out on a date or what he is up to. I still love him 2 months later and I just want one day where I don't think of him. The pain is lessening and it is getting better little by little but I miss him so still.

I just want a relationship where my feelings are reciprocated. I deserve it! I've been on a few dates but just realized that I'm not ready because the guy doesn't even have a shot when I am thinking about and comparing him to my ex the entire date. So, I am taking a break from it for now. Maybe that is when the love of my life will show up on my doorstep. ]]> Coping rickigal http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=210385